You'd think the more time you spend sleeping with the same man, the more adventurous you'd both get. But the sexual landscape of most relationships actually shrinks as comfort sets in.

According to experts, changes begin between two months and two years in - when you start seeing other sides of your partner.


By this point you've discovered his penchant for watching Babylon 5 in his Y-fronts, and he's seen how you wind up after one too many chardonnays. Neither are pretty, and both can kill sexual chemistry.

The recent controversy of sex therapist Bettina Arndt's - an exposé of the bedroom lives of 98 couples - not only backed up the idea that Aussie couples are doing it less often, but laid most of the blame at our side of the bed.

Arndt's conclusion? Women simply need to say "Yes" more often. Truth is, we'd all like ruder, tinglier, rip-my-knickers-off-right-now sex. But, as the years go by it seems less likely that it'll happen with the same man you share a mortgage with. The good news is you don't have to run off with the Kings of Leon to get your fantasy sex life. We grilled the experts on how to get wetter than Niagara Falls (again) with the guy you already love.

Once upon a time you wanted to ease his jockeys down with your teeth; now you're pegging them on the washing line. You know what they say about familiarity. According to Esther Perel, a New York couples therapist, love thrives on security, familiarity and intimacy, but carnal desire blossoms on uncertainty, insecurity, mystery, longing and absence. But how do you create lust in between bitching about your day at work?

Perel says the best time to fall in lust with your partner is when you're observing him at a distance, like when he's jogging up the beach with his surfboard, playing guitar, or being flirted with by a hot redhead at your cousin's wedding. Next time you're at a party together watch him from a distance.

Notice the way he talks to other people, the way other women warm to him, the way he glances over to make sure you're not being cornered by his creepy uncle. Or check him out while he's at soccer practice. "It's when you bring new energy back into the relationship that desire keeps flourishing," says Perel. "Introducing emotional space and excitement creates tension and leaves us feeling vulnerable, which fuels the lust."

Even when part of a couple, it may sometimes be hard to quash the flirty behaviour one used to their advantage while single. If your man has a habit of being overly-popular with the ladies, Ive got tips on helping you confront him and deal with it.

Online dating is a fast growing social networking tool that can open your world to a myriad of relationship possibilities.

Meeting someone new is challenging, especially if you have recently moved, graduated from college, or gone through a divorce. Here are quick tips appropriate for anyone trying their hand at online dating.


1. Know thyself

Are you looking to just spend some time entertaining yourself in chat rooms? Looking for someone to hang out with on the weekends? Seeking a one night stand? Trying to find Mr. or Ms. Right? Determine your goals for online dating and stick to them - otherwise you might hurt the feelings of others or find yourself scraping up the pieces of another failed relationship.

2. Use your network

Online dating sites and chat rooms are standard tools for people of all walks of life looking for love or a little fun. Ask your friends what sites have worked for them in the past. Trust the opinions of those you already know rather than choosing a service at random.

3. Start slow

There is no need to rush into taking the next step with online dating. Spend as much time in the chat room or talking on the phone as you want - make sure you're ready to meet face-to-face to create a good experience for the both of you.

4. Be totally honest

If you want a successful online dating experience, then be truthful. Don't lead people on, and show self respect by disclosing things that are honest. It can be tempting and easy to embellish online, but this does not bode well for the relationship - whether casual or serious.

5. Prioritize your preferences

Online dating can be daunting since it allows you to search through millions of potential matches. Try to limit the number of people you contact and respond to at first. If you focus on just a few people, sincere relationships can be established and nurtured.

6. Don't believe everything you see or read

If he or she sounds too good to be true, it's very possible that you're looking at a bad egg. Take your time getting to know someone. Check their story. If you have arrived to the point where personal information has been revealed, there are ways you can verify details. If a person claims they work at the local community college, you can check the phone directory for their name. Public record is a valuable resource!

7. Remember courtesy in the chat room

Just because you are in a chat room does not mean you should say everything you think or feel. Stop and consider - if this person was sitting across from you in a restaurant, would you say the same thing you just typed? If your words would be uncomfortable in person, then think of something else to say.

8. Online dating services are a good investment

It is a good idea to invest in you! There are many online dating services that charge a membership fee. Considering that people who are willing to pay for a service might be more serious about who they are and what they want - leading to better relationships.

9. Be available

Don't have access to the internet everyday? This might cause problems in the online dating world. Those who try this method of socialization like to think they'll receive quick responses. Be available, consider setting aside a specific time to spend in the chat room, and respond to emails in a timely fashion. Otherwise, you might find your potentials losing interest.

10. Protect yourself

When you've gathered your confidence and found somebody you want to meet face-to-face, remember that you don't know what to expect. Meet in a public place. Drive your own car so that you can maintain control of your environment, and leave if you feel uncomfortable. Even if the first date leads to a second, or third, keep in mind that you've only just met, and there is no need to rush.

Last year Thomas Enraght-Moony the Ceo of Match told the Times Online, "There are 93m single people in America - only 3m use online dating services." Those numbers have grown considerably since last year but not anywhere near ninety three million.


But no matter how you look at it, life is good right now for the online dating industry. By the end of this year internet dating is projected to gross over one billion dollars in revenue.

So it seems kind of strange that so many people report having no luck when it comes to meeting someone in cyberspace. There could be a myriad of reasons for this but key make or break element that can determine success is the profile photo. Sure the words you write may be beautifully written and totally heartfelt but like the old saying goes a picture is worth a thousand words.

So to increase your chances of success here are some suggestions to help with your overall internet dating strategy.

1. Dress Up

No you don't have to put on clothes that make you look like you just stepped out of some glossy fashion magazine (although it would not hurt your chances any) but don't look to be so down to earth in your approach that you come off looking slovenly. The whole point is you are trying to make a good and lasting impression so dress accordingly.

2. No Brooding

Yes it's a given that you are trying to keep it real. You have never been a phony so putting up a photo showing you with a fake smile is not your style. Besides if your online dating prospects are the "real deal" they will like and respect what they see.

Maybe they will. More than likely they won't. Unless you are a rap artist trying to sell your latest CD or a direct descendant of James Dean, go ahead and post a photo of you smiling.

You are not in a bad mood all the time are you? If so then the last thing you should be getting into is online dating. Worried about it looking insincere? Then think of some things that make you happy just before the picture is taken. It's not necessary to have all thirty two teeth showing to make a nice impression. A pleasant genuine smile can work wonders.

3. Who's Da Haps?

Okay, you're looking good. You are dressed sharply without over doing it and the smile on your face is sincere without looking like an advertisement for the American Dental Society. Now take that photo with you in your element; surrounded by some good looking people of the opposite sex.

Hold it. This is one of those common mistakes that you see over and over again when it comes to online dating photos. It's not a problem if you are on social networking sites but for internet dating it sends out a couple of messages:

- We got a player here

- If they have got it like that why are they doing online dating?

They maybe just friends or an ex but whoever they are get rid of that picture and take a new one with only you. This is not a group personal ad. If you want to show a picture of you with your favorite pet then so be it. But the only human that should be in the picture is you.

Sure online dating should be easy. After all the abundance of people you have to choose from is unmatched by anything in the offline world. But like anything in this world, to succeed you must have the right approach. Improving your online photo is one way to do just that.

Though this might not be a problem with some but it might pose to be a big problem for many. There is an easy way to do this without it being tough on you or the other person. Follow the following tips.



Don't just offer a generic invitation

'Want to go out with me sometime?' Of course the both of you wanna go out. After all who doesn’t get fed up of monotony! Try avoiding such Rhetorical questions! It makes it really hard for someone to say no. Which you might think is a good thing--but it's not. It sets you up for an evening with someone who doesn't want to be there, who's kicking themselves for not having figured out a way to say no nicely and who might have actually been psyched to date you if only you'd gotten to know them a little first without all the pressure.

Thus DO NOT presume that the other person wants to go out with you. It might just be the other way around hence don't create an awkward situation for you and of course for the other person.

Always ask someone out for a specific thing.

Make it easy on yourself also by making the rendezvous in such a way that you were going to do it anyways. After all natural mannerism always works. Probably because we have seen so many clichés in the world that its only natural for human beings to feel a lot more comfortable to get natural. Like inviting him/her to your house warming party or B'day party or any other party. Another suggestion would be to put all your cards on the table.

Its best if you draw clarity visions before you get to unduly assumptions. Its better to make the most of the situation or else, you might land up making up one. Another good method of invitation would be to invite him/her to some get-together or picnic. This has two benefits; first, you won't be a nervous wreck asking someone out this way.

After all you could be asking them to come along out of friendship. Second, they can say yes, or they can say, 'Sorry, I already have plans, without it being a whole issue. This way you will ensure that you are not embarrassed and also make you know the person a bit more.

Speaking a bit more on this, although it might feel awkward at first to speak to him/her in a crowded place so your initial jitters are also done away with and once you both get used to the noise outside, it would at least help you to get to a more silent zone. Most of the times these zones a re wee bit far away from where you exactly are. So while moving to another seat that time could be utilized to gauge the other’s personality, make yourself a lot more comfortable and also reduce the overall anxiety.

Remember never ask more than once. If the person says no, they say and mean a ‘no’! (Unless they made it clear that they genuinely had a previous commitment and would have been otherwise interested: 'Wow, I love watching Brad Pitt movie and want to be first on your list the next time you get tickets.')

All and all remember given any situation and given any amount of enthusiasm, just go ahead with it, with a firm head on your shoulders. Although this may sound like rocket science at the time of asking, with butterflies roaming around in your stomach; go ahead with some sort of balance.