According to internet media and market research service Nielsen//NetRatings, more than 1.1 million Australians currently use online dating services in Australia, so it's certainly worth throwing a line in the online pond. Here's how to bait your hook and net a time-poor, desire-rich internet lady.



WINDOW-SHOP

"Hunt around and find a site that suits you," says Shimrit Elisar, author of Everyone's Guide To Online Dating. "Some are set up for single parents, some by location and others by hobby or religion."Another good move is to check out the male-to-female ratio before joining.

"Once you've found a few sites you like the look of, sign up for free trials and get searching," says Elisar. We suggest you don't search for the words "mail", "order" or "bride".

GET A WINGWOMAN

"Browse the profile of women you like and make notes about what they're looking for," says dating coach Peter Heskell. "Then find a female friend or relation you trust and together scan about 20 profile of men around your age and note the mistakes they've made, so you can avoid them."

According to Heskell, the top three mistake men make are choosing an unappealing profile name, sounding too picky and leaving profile sections blank.

CHOOSE GOOD PHOTOS

Post four photos: a head shot, body shot and two action pics that show your personality. If you have a pic of you and your dog, slap it up there. Researchers at St Edward's University in Texas found people are rated more attractive when accompanied by a pet.

WATCH YOUR FINGERS

"Give your spelling a once-over before you hit return," says Jane Hoskyn. "A profile littered with spelling mistakes - or worse, ‘zany' spellings - make you look uneducated." And according to the University of Chicago, good education is a must-have of female internet daters.

"The same goes for profiles full of ‘subtle' sexual references or written all in caps; it's the equivalent of bellowing in her ear." That might work fine in a nightclub, but it doesn't here.

"Lose the ‘honey', ‘sweetie', ‘sugar'," advises Jodie Brittain, CEO of Aussie online dating service . "You hardly know them."

FINDING YOUR MATCH

"When looking at profiles, remember that women will only use photos that are particularly flattering," warns Elisar. "Warning signs are pouty photos, which narrow the face and hype up the cheekbones and anything that appears airbrushed or professionally taken."

To weed out potential bunny boilers, click past anyone whose profile expresses negativity, even if it's about something like a TV show or food.

FIRST CONTACT

Narrow your search results down to 15 winners, then send each a personalised note.

"Don't write generic messages. It doesn't take a genius to realised they're getting spammed," says Elisar.

"Women get more than 10 times as many responses as men on dating sites," says Heskell. "You need to stand out by showing you want to make a connection based on more than just her holiday snaps."

Email about three times a day to build up a rapport. Suggest a date after five to seven days.

THE DATE

"Make sure it's somewhere public," says Elisar. "Don't let the fact that you know her favourite ice-cream flavour blind you to the fact that she's a total stranger.

"Don't have dinner, have a coffee instead, says relationships psychologist Dr Matthew Bambling, of Queensland University of Technology, "The pressure of having to sit through a whole dinner if you realise the person is not what you imagined is not worth it, and you can go your separate ways less awkwardly after a coffee."

THE AFTERMATH

"After fake photos, a woman's biggest complaint is that her e-date doesn't contact her afterwards," says Heskell. "If there was no spark, send a polite email saying you had a great time, but you'd be better as friends."

"If you do like her, send a text of email the next day saying you had a great time and you'd like to see her again, but leave the ball in her court," says Elisar. Use the three message rule (see point 6); you want her to take up your offer, not take out a restraining order.

Take the stress out of dating with our guide to the perfect first date

Even if you consider yourself a hit with the ladies, bagging yourself some alone time with the girl of your dreams can turn even the smoothest lothario into a nervous wreck.


Taking the plunge
You've got her to agree to a bit of one-on-one time, now you need to take the initiative and set the date for your intimate tête-à-tête. "As a bloke, you should always take the lead," . "Suggest a couple of options, but listen to see if she comes up with something better." Give her the chance to choose from your picks - nobody likes a control freak, and she'll be more relaxed if she feels like she's in the driving seat.

The venue
Break the cinema-dinner-drinks cycle by putting some thought into what you want to do together. "A first date should always be fun - do something you're both going to enjoy," . "Roller blading, going to the local funfair and riding on the dodgems, a comedy night out, taking her rock climbing - be creative. The more you have to do, the less pressure there will be on the date." Exercise and laughter both result in increased dopamine levels, which also happens during sexual arousal - get her active and grinning and she'll associate all those warm fuzzy feelings with you.

First date fashion
We're not advocating spending hours trying on every piece of clothing you own, nor should you turn up looking like you've thrown on whatever was least crumpled in your laundry basket. Unless you're dining at the most credit-card-melting restaurant in town, keep it casual - as you'll make her feel more at ease. "Try to wear just one item or accessory that makes you stand out - but only one,". "Avoid at all costs those comfortable old T-shirts you've kept for years for special occasions. Leave it at home, you're probably the only one who likes it!"

Treat her like a princess
Ok, maybe not to the point where you're laying your coat on the pavement so she doesn't ruin her new shoes walking through that puddle. But a little old-fashioned courtesy can go a long way. "These days, there aren't many knights in shining armour left, so if you act like an old-fashioned gent it will almost always win you brownie points". A recent survey by Friends Reunited found 65 per cent of women were impressed by good manners on a first date - so get opening doors and pulling out chairs.

Talk the talk
You've got your outfit, venue and chair-pulling abilities sorted - but none of that is going to seal the deal unless you can talk to her without getting tongue tied. Good conversation will make her feel like you have chemistry, so make sure you have an idea of what to talk about beforehand. "The easiest way to make the conversation flows is to goldmine and listen,". "Find out what she loves, whether it's theatre, running, travel... once you hit this gold vein it can be an endless source of conversation. Just be interested, ask questions and listen!" Avoid any awkward silences by steering clear of sticky subjects such as previous relationships and favourite films - men and women often have different tastes, which can lead to conflict. The likelihood of finding someone who shares your passion for Transformers is slim, so save it for your second date.

Body language
Feeling relaxed may be easier said than done but there are a few tricks that will make you look cool as a cucumber - even if on the inside you're curled up on the floor, whimpering like a five year old. If you're feeling jittery, take a deep breath - it relaxes you, and lowers the tone of your voice making you sound more confident. "Make sure you make lots of eye contact with your date, people who make eye contact are perceived to be more confident,". Pull your stomach in, square your shoulders, lift up your chest and uncross arms and legs for more open look.

Who pays?
If you've got the hang of the ‘old-fashioned courtesy' by now, it can be tempting to insist on paying - but be wary, you could come across as controlling if you don't let her pay her way if she wants to. When the bill arrives, casually suggest that you pick up the tab- and wait for her reaction. Either way, avoid splitting the bill if you can help it. "Better safe than sorry," . "In one survey, 61 per cent of women found that sharing the bill can sour the date." If she wants to pay, let her but insist you pick up the bill on the next date.

Get ready for round two
You should be able to judge by this point if she's up for a repeat performance, so bite the bullet and ask. "The best way to ask her out again is to close the deal right there and then," . "Make sure you plan ahead and have ideas for your next date - when things are winding-up make some suggestions and get it locked in. This takes a little bit of extra effort, but saves the endless muddle of leaving messages, sending texts and coordinating diaries when you are both busy." This also removes the dreaded post-date-who-will-text-first waiting game.

Pucker up
If you're angling for a bit of lip action at the end of the date, be careful - twice as many men to women go in for a kiss at the end of a first date, so you've got a 50/50 chance of her puckering up or a slap in the face. Read her body language to weight up if the odds are stacked in your favour. "Lean straight in towards her lips, but stop about 6 inches away,". "If she turns her cheek, give her a peck. If she moves her lips towards you, go for a passionate good night kiss."

Post-date procedure
Even if you've followed step eight to the letter, there's still an art to post-date contact - too soon, and you look desperate, too long and you run the risk of becoming a hate figure for her best friends. A survey showed that nearly one in three women don't bother calling after a date as they expect the man to do it - so man up and get in touch. "You can text within 24 hours, just send something light and fun,".

"With calling, one day is too keen, three days is just right, and four days or more you are being cold and sending the message you aren't interested." The key word there is calling - research showed that those people looking for true love are more likely to call than text - 67 per cent of those looking for long-term relationships will call their date, proving it really is good to talk.

"I've had it with men!" "What do women want?" "Why don't men get it?" "Why are all the nice ones boring?" "Why do women go out with jerks?" "Why does it have to be so complicated?" "Why can't I meet someone?" "I don't know how to date!"

Welcome to the state of dating.

Store bookshelves are overloaded with books on how to salvage your relationship or your marriage, and on how to hang on for dear life even when the whole thing is in the shitter.

Of course, all of these books assume you have a crappy relationship you want to try to hang onto in the first place. From what I can tell, plenty of us can't even get that part together.

The most frequent complaint I hear from readers is that they can't find people they want to have relationships with. And even if they do meet someone they fancy, they don't know what the hell to do about it. Women are frustrated with men, men are confused about women, divorce rates are through the roof. It's no easier if you're gay. Sharing the same anatomy doesn't make it any less confusing.

So why do we even bother? Because, despite all the frustration and confusion, deep down no one really wants to go it alone.

It'd also be nice to have someone to feed the pigeons with when the eyesight starts to go.

This means we will continue in our sometimes seemingly futile struggle to meet "the one."

And, I hate to say it, that means we have to date.

Unfortunately, dating is a bit of a lost art these days. Most of us don't even know how to date. It's like the rules have been thrown out and we aren't sure how to play anymore. As one friend told me, "I've never been much of a dater. I tend to go with the first offer and then drag it into a long, tortured relationship, and then regret like hell afterward that I didn't have the sense to get out sooner. Dating would be a really good idea. Taking it up as a new hobby at 30 is an interesting concept, eh?"

Isn't it, though? One that's worth some investigation, I think. So this summer, I'm writing a book about the state of dating.

And since the book is meant to be about what's going on out there, I'd love to hear from you. The following questions should get you started. Answer one, answer them all, or use the quiz to wrap fish. And yes, there will be prizes. More on that later.

Do you date?

How would you describe the concept of dating in this day and age? Where's the best place to meet people?

What's the best way to meet people?

Where are some of the best places to meet people? Where's the strangest place you met someone? What's your most unusual meeting experience? Have you ever been on a blind date?

Have you ever used a dating agency? How was the experience for you? Do you use or have you ever used personals or telepersonals? What was it like? Have you ever met anyone on the Internet? How do you meet people on the Internet? Have you ever had any unusual or memorable encounters on the Internet?

What's the most effective one-liner you've heard? What's the worst one-liner you've heard?

What makes a good flirt? What makes a bad flirt?

What's the best way to turn someone down? What's the worst way you've been turned down or turned someone down? What's a good first-date activity?

Where's the worst place you've been taken to on a first date? How important is what the other person wears on a date? What's the best way to dress on a first date? What do you wear on the second date, and what does it say about you? What's the worst thing anyone's ever worn on a date with you? What's appropriate first-date conversation? What's not?

What's the worst date conversation you've had?

Who should pay on a first date?

How do you feel about sex on the first date? How do you know you're going to get laid on a first date? How do you know when to make a move?

How do you feel about one-night stands?

What was your best one-night-stand experience? What was your worst?

What's the weirdest thing that's ever happened to you on a date? What's your most memorable date story - good or bad? How do you get out of a bad date?

What's the most stressful thing about dating? How has your experience of dating changed over the years? How do you handle it if you don't want to see the person again? How do you proceed when sparks fly and you want another date? How do you proceed when there's not exactly sparks but a lukewarm glow that you'd like to explore further?

How do you handle it if you don't want to see the person again? What are your thoughts on multi-dating, better known as keeping your options open and learning how to juggle?

What's the difference between a fling and dating? When does dating become a "thing?"

How do you call it quits when it's just not happening? And finally, and essentially the point of all this agony, when does dating become a "relationship"?