"I've had it with men!" "What do women want?" "Why don't men get it?" "Why are all the nice ones boring?" "Why do women go out with jerks?" "Why does it have to be so complicated?" "Why can't I meet someone?" "I don't know how to date!"
Welcome to the state of dating.
Store bookshelves are overloaded with books on how to salvage your relationship or your marriage, and on how to hang on for dear life even when the whole thing is in the shitter.
Of course, all of these books assume you have a crappy relationship you want to try to hang onto in the first place. From what I can tell, plenty of us can't even get that part together.
The most frequent complaint I hear from readers is that they can't find people they want to have relationships with. And even if they do meet someone they fancy, they don't know what the hell to do about it. Women are frustrated with men, men are confused about women, divorce rates are through the roof. It's no easier if you're gay. Sharing the same anatomy doesn't make it any less confusing.
So why do we even bother? Because, despite all the frustration and confusion, deep down no one really wants to go it alone.
It'd also be nice to have someone to feed the pigeons with when the eyesight starts to go.
This means we will continue in our sometimes seemingly futile struggle to meet "the one."
And, I hate to say it, that means we have to date.
Unfortunately, dating is a bit of a lost art these days. Most of us don't even know how to date. It's like the rules have been thrown out and we aren't sure how to play anymore. As one friend told me, "I've never been much of a dater. I tend to go with the first offer and then drag it into a long, tortured relationship, and then regret like hell afterward that I didn't have the sense to get out sooner. Dating would be a really good idea. Taking it up as a new hobby at 30 is an interesting concept, eh?"
Isn't it, though? One that's worth some investigation, I think. So this summer, I'm writing a book about the state of dating.
And since the book is meant to be about what's going on out there, I'd love to hear from you. The following questions should get you started. Answer one, answer them all, or use the quiz to wrap fish. And yes, there will be prizes. More on that later.
Do you date?
How would you describe the concept of dating in this day and age? Where's the best place to meet people?
What's the best way to meet people?
Where are some of the best places to meet people? Where's the strangest place you met someone? What's your most unusual meeting experience? Have you ever been on a blind date?
Have you ever used a dating agency? How was the experience for you? Do you use or have you ever used personals or telepersonals? What was it like? Have you ever met anyone on the Internet? How do you meet people on the Internet? Have you ever had any unusual or memorable encounters on the Internet?
What's the most effective one-liner you've heard? What's the worst one-liner you've heard?
What makes a good flirt? What makes a bad flirt?
What's the best way to turn someone down? What's the worst way you've been turned down or turned someone down? What's a good first-date activity?
Where's the worst place you've been taken to on a first date? How important is what the other person wears on a date? What's the best way to dress on a first date? What do you wear on the second date, and what does it say about you? What's the worst thing anyone's ever worn on a date with you? What's appropriate first-date conversation? What's not?
What's the worst date conversation you've had?
Who should pay on a first date?
How do you feel about sex on the first date? How do you know you're going to get laid on a first date? How do you know when to make a move?
How do you feel about one-night stands?
What was your best one-night-stand experience? What was your worst?
What's the weirdest thing that's ever happened to you on a date? What's your most memorable date story - good or bad? How do you get out of a bad date?
What's the most stressful thing about dating? How has your experience of dating changed over the years? How do you handle it if you don't want to see the person again? How do you proceed when sparks fly and you want another date? How do you proceed when there's not exactly sparks but a lukewarm glow that you'd like to explore further?
How do you handle it if you don't want to see the person again? What are your thoughts on multi-dating, better known as keeping your options open and learning how to juggle?
What's the difference between a fling and dating? When does dating become a "thing?"
How do you call it quits when it's just not happening? And finally, and essentially the point of all this agony, when does dating become a "relationship"?


