Well, almost anything (bestiality and experimentation with power tools are two no-nos that spring to mind). "New ideas and information are the lifeblood to keeping a long-term sexual relationship thriving. "Ask yourself questions about what you want to do differently: do you want it dirtier, sweeter, kinkier, more passionate, more often?


Grab a pen, some paper and your partner, and each write down six things you've always dreamt of trying - straddling him in your f**k-me boots for example - and put them in a jar beside your bed. If you both write big and little thrills, you can start off dipping your toe in the water so it's not a huge leap from missionary on Wednesday night to you purring in a Catwoman suit by Saturday. "Don't rush through them, one new practice a month is usually doable for most people.

If you need inspiration, there's a $12 billion-dollar adult entertainment industry out there to inspire an ache between your thighs. Reading erotic fiction is a great shortcut to discovering what gives you a dirty mind. Next time he's on the X-box, spend an hour on wicked words to see what we mean.

And it's a myth that women aren't turned on by visual stimulation: a Stanford University, US, study found that women get massively turned on just two minutes into an erotic flick. Google "porn for women" and you'll see we want a hard-on as much as he does. When you've found something you fancy, write it on a note for the jar, suggesting you play it in the background while he does you from behind (so you can both watch the screen) or re-enact certain positions or ideas from the scene.

Saying the words

Why is it that we can express our need for him to take the garbage out but not what we really want in bed? How do you tell him you want him to dress up like a pirate of the Caribbean? According to sex educator Dr Catherine Hood, timing is everything. "Pick a time when you're both in a good mood, maybe just after you've had sex or on a Saturday morning lie-in. Use ‘I' statements, such as ‘I've always wanted to try tying you to the bed with my scarves', or ‘I would love you to tell me what you're doing to me while you're doing it (AKA talking dirty)'."

Then the focus shifts onto what you want. Using "we" also helps in subtly suggesting new things: "Why don't we have a dirty night in on Thursday? We could try reading out loud from that erotic book I bought..." If you feel nervous about how he may react to your fantasy, reframe it as a dream you had last night. Essentially what you're trying to do is open the lines of communication to find out what you're both really into.

The key to truly satisfying sex is to start asking questions about your partner's fantasies and risqué side. "One of the biggest mistakes you can make is to assume you know everything about your partner's sexuality," says Dr Hood. "I've seen couples who have been together for years and not communicated their true desires, because they're embarrassed or simply assume their partner would never want to try it." Just ask, suggests Dr Morrissey.

"Be upfront about your desires. If there's something you want to experiment with, pick a time and say it. Have an agreement not to shame or belittle each other. If your partner takes the risk of exposing a sexual desire, they are really opening themselves up to you, so treat it with respect."

Get down

You know the drill: kiss, kiss, lick, nibble, tickle, screw. Most of us have the same sex in the same bed at the same time. Fine sometimes, but for the rest of your life? Not so much. A study from the University of Chicago of more than 26,000 men and woman in 29 countries found men the world over are more satisfied with their sex lives than women.

What's going on? "Men are solution focused, they like patterns and certainty and that is the same for sex," Brett McCann from the Australian Society of Sex Educators, Researchers and Therapists explains. "Which means they're happy to stick with what they know works, especially if they know it leads to orgasm - yours and theirs."

The fact is that better sex leads to more sex, and that's good for both of you. Thigh-shaking sex doesn't just mean him spending more time pleasuring you (though that's one part we dig); you should also make the effort to find new erogenous zones on your partner: lick, suck, kiss and gently bite the inside of his biceps, his wrists, backs of his knees or his arse cheeks.

"Simply trying something new will encourage him to try something new," says McCann. It's win-win, and the chances are, if you could do with a new way to get your rocks off, he probably could too.

General practice

Aussies are having sex 106 times a year, or roughly twice a week, according to the 2006-2007 Durex Sexual Wellbeing Global Survey. And, if you're in a LTR you'll know that "roughly" is the key word here. It's OK to have ebbs and flows, but too little sex just ain't good for you.

For starters, the health benefits of doing it more often are well documented: you'll look four to seven years younger, improve your immune system, decrease your chances of cancer and heart disease, trim your waistline (burning between 630 to 2100 kilojoules per session) and decrease stress.

Plus the sensation of touch can alleviate depression. And putting it back on the agenda can also keep you from Splitsville. "When two partners are confident, adventurous and secure in themselves and each other, in and out of the bedroom, they develop a sense of deep security through trust and communication, so they feel desired and desirable," says Dr Gabrielle Morrissey, sexologist and author of Spicy Sex.

"And when you're both satisfied and happy with your sex life it means you go out into the world lovers and allies. After all, that's what keeps you both hot for each other." So don't kid yourself it's OK to drop the sex ball permanently.

Shake up the routine

There was a time when you were so hot for each other you'd skip Underbelly and do intriguing things with Mars bars. But it's like any routine: do it enough and you'll learn to use shortcuts. "Couples develop a sexual road map to what turns each other on," explains Dr Morrissey. "But sex can get boring when you make love the same way, over and over."

The good news is you don't have to flip your sexual style 180 degrees. Arndt says that even the act of writing a sex diary started up a sex discussion among the couples who participated in research for her book and that was often the thing that fixed the problem. The trick is to maintain the affection and, yes, the groping outside of the bedroom.

"Every sexual activity is as valuable as penetrative sex - foot massages, hair stroking while watching TV, brushing up against each other in the kitchen all work to fire up the libido," says Dr Morrissey.

And that also means shifting sex (and that doesn't mean just shagging) away from the bedroom, as according to Dr Morrissey, doing it in new places means your body is less likely to follow familiar routines. So if you're having early morning sex in a tent on a camping trip, getting bent over the kitchen bench, or he secretly has his hand in your undies at a dinner party, it's hard to follow set bedroom routines.

You'd think the more time you spend sleeping with the same man, the more adventurous you'd both get. But the sexual landscape of most relationships actually shrinks as comfort sets in.

According to experts, changes begin between two months and two years in - when you start seeing other sides of your partner.


By this point you've discovered his penchant for watching Babylon 5 in his Y-fronts, and he's seen how you wind up after one too many chardonnays. Neither are pretty, and both can kill sexual chemistry.

The recent controversy of sex therapist Bettina Arndt's - an exposé of the bedroom lives of 98 couples - not only backed up the idea that Aussie couples are doing it less often, but laid most of the blame at our side of the bed.

Arndt's conclusion? Women simply need to say "Yes" more often. Truth is, we'd all like ruder, tinglier, rip-my-knickers-off-right-now sex. But, as the years go by it seems less likely that it'll happen with the same man you share a mortgage with. The good news is you don't have to run off with the Kings of Leon to get your fantasy sex life. We grilled the experts on how to get wetter than Niagara Falls (again) with the guy you already love.

Once upon a time you wanted to ease his jockeys down with your teeth; now you're pegging them on the washing line. You know what they say about familiarity. According to Esther Perel, a New York couples therapist, love thrives on security, familiarity and intimacy, but carnal desire blossoms on uncertainty, insecurity, mystery, longing and absence. But how do you create lust in between bitching about your day at work?

Perel says the best time to fall in lust with your partner is when you're observing him at a distance, like when he's jogging up the beach with his surfboard, playing guitar, or being flirted with by a hot redhead at your cousin's wedding. Next time you're at a party together watch him from a distance.

Notice the way he talks to other people, the way other women warm to him, the way he glances over to make sure you're not being cornered by his creepy uncle. Or check him out while he's at soccer practice. "It's when you bring new energy back into the relationship that desire keeps flourishing," says Perel. "Introducing emotional space and excitement creates tension and leaves us feeling vulnerable, which fuels the lust."

Even when part of a couple, it may sometimes be hard to quash the flirty behaviour one used to their advantage while single. If your man has a habit of being overly-popular with the ladies, Ive got tips on helping you confront him and deal with it.