You'd think the more time you spend sleeping with the same man, the more adventurous you'd both get. But the sexual landscape of most relationships actually shrinks as comfort sets in.

According to experts, changes begin between two months and two years in - when you start seeing other sides of your partner.


By this point you've discovered his penchant for watching Babylon 5 in his Y-fronts, and he's seen how you wind up after one too many chardonnays. Neither are pretty, and both can kill sexual chemistry.

The recent controversy of sex therapist Bettina Arndt's - an exposé of the bedroom lives of 98 couples - not only backed up the idea that Aussie couples are doing it less often, but laid most of the blame at our side of the bed.

Arndt's conclusion? Women simply need to say "Yes" more often. Truth is, we'd all like ruder, tinglier, rip-my-knickers-off-right-now sex. But, as the years go by it seems less likely that it'll happen with the same man you share a mortgage with. The good news is you don't have to run off with the Kings of Leon to get your fantasy sex life. We grilled the experts on how to get wetter than Niagara Falls (again) with the guy you already love.

Once upon a time you wanted to ease his jockeys down with your teeth; now you're pegging them on the washing line. You know what they say about familiarity. According to Esther Perel, a New York couples therapist, love thrives on security, familiarity and intimacy, but carnal desire blossoms on uncertainty, insecurity, mystery, longing and absence. But how do you create lust in between bitching about your day at work?

Perel says the best time to fall in lust with your partner is when you're observing him at a distance, like when he's jogging up the beach with his surfboard, playing guitar, or being flirted with by a hot redhead at your cousin's wedding. Next time you're at a party together watch him from a distance.

Notice the way he talks to other people, the way other women warm to him, the way he glances over to make sure you're not being cornered by his creepy uncle. Or check him out while he's at soccer practice. "It's when you bring new energy back into the relationship that desire keeps flourishing," says Perel. "Introducing emotional space and excitement creates tension and leaves us feeling vulnerable, which fuels the lust."