Many women pass their entire married life without even once experiencing orgasm and complete satisfaction during sex. Most end up as nags, develop problems like migraines or have extramarital affairs, and obsessive indulging in masturbation.


Some can also become severely depressed, develop suicidal tendencies, have violent outbursts and even severe forms of psychoneurosis. Imagine the frustration of the woman whose sexual energy has started its journey at the beginning of the sexual act, and is suddenly left 'high and dry', as the energy is not allowed to complete its journey.

On conducting a survey, it was found that a significant percentage of men and even women felt that any position besides the 'missionary position' amounted to indecent sex indulged only by prostitutes or nymphomaniacs.

Surprisingly, the majority of the male population seemed to talk of sex as a 'male domain', and the woman as a 'passive' partner who allowed the man sexual gratification. A significantly small percentage spoke about sexual needs, preferences and fantasies of the female partner.

In the Kamasutra by Vatsayana, the different asanas (postures) recommended ensure that the woman plays an 'active' part in the sexual act, without which she cannot experience complete sexual satisfaction.

In addition, as compared to the man, the woman takes longer to get aroused, needs to be touched, fondled, caressed as per her needs and fantasies. And once she is aroused fully, if she is allowed to actively move in a way that she desires stimulating her sensitive areas, she can climax with or even before her partner.

COMMUNICATE YOUR FANTASIES

Many women think about their sex life in the right direction and in the right proportion, but find themselves completely at a loss when it comes to 'doing' something about it. "How can my husband and I love each other so much, yet have such a dull and unexciting sex life?" asked a friend who is herself a clinical psychologist.

Had she discussed the problem with her husband, a gynaecologist, to whom she has been married for over 11 years? "I seem to be able to talk to him about everything but our sex life," she said at last. "I don't know how to tell him what I desire without seeming critical."

Women of all educational levels and life experiences, voice similar sentiments. Most married people lack basic information about their spouse's sexual preferences. The informal survey of 70 wives found a myriad of fantasies they wanted to share with their husbands. But, as one woman told me, "It is difficult to know how to begin."

To revitalise your sexual relationship too, 'communication' is critical. It isn't the amount or quality of sexual relations that makes or breaks marriage, but rather the degree of "fit" between partners' sexual needs, fantasies and priorities. Such mutuality comes only with communication.

Try to define for yourself and your spouse what your complaints and pleasures are. Many people are uncomfortable and shy about making specific requests, but open talk and experimentation are vital.

No one can automatically know what pleases another, without adequate feedback. Love does not make one a mind reader, but instead, love is trusting each other enough, to ask openly and answer honestly.

The 'Hypothalamus' is a small portion of our brain where sexual desires arise in men as well as in women. Sex is primarily a 'cerebral' phenomenon and not genital.

The genitals simply execute the commands of our brain. This makes it clear that sexual arousal, the ability to enjoy sex and even the climax are primarily governed by our brain.

Fantasies, preferences, turn-ons, likes and dislikes in sex are predominantly functions of our brain. If this is so, then physiologically, men as well as women have an equal ability to generate varied sexual desires and fantasies.

Unfortunately, women have been culturally far more inhibited in their sexual expression in the past. Today's woman, however is becoming more and more aware about her own sexuality, her fantasies and her equal participation in sex.

BEING LEFT WANTING

"She nags me during the day and complains of a migraine at night. We haven't had intimate contact with each other since months now. I am frustrated and there seems no end in sight. I love her but she says that I don't care for her. What should I do?" said a young married man.

During counselling, the wife burst into tears and said, "He just uses me when he wants sex; he doesn't love me." Further probing revealed that she had normal sexual urges and had several encounters with her husband after their marriage. But as time passed, her angry outbursts increased and so also her nagging her husband and calling him selfish.

With her nocturnal migraines becoming a daily affair, there would be no possibility of intimacy. She admitted that though he was caring and concerned about her, she was unexplainably angry with him most of the time; in fact, she felt more so, and sad and confused after every sexual act.

Apparently, her husband would invariably take the lead, act impatiently during foreplay, penetrate much before she was fully aroused and ready, always perform intercourse in a missionary position (man on top) and finish the act in seconds. It never occurred to him that she may have different ideas of love-making, may prefer taking the lead sometimes, would like to be an 'active' partner during the act and would prefer some other positions too.

Once the couple discussed their mutual likes and dislikes, fantasies and preferences, the importance of mutually pleasurable foreplay, various possible settings during love-making, discovering each other's erogenous zones, things changed for the better.

Most men are alike. When some aren’t, they are considered feminine, and yet there are others who first fall in the category of being great and then to the not-so-great category. Whatever do I mean? Well lets start from the beginning.

Most men believe that they are the most important species that we women are dealing with. Sure they may be great with numbers, especially with telephone numbers of some great leggy females, they are still their stages of infancy when it comes to feelings.

Most men are visually stimulated, they have to see everything to understand and believe. From a really great pair of legs to an adequately pleasing bosom.

A woman needs to be stroked and felt, while a man has already been stroked by his mere vision. He doesn’t need to purr, her just speaks his mind and sees it. This is perhaps the reason why men seem to get aroused much faster than women would. Most men love to be ahead of everything, be it career or sex.

If they cannot find themselves to get on to the top of it all, they lose interest. Most of the times, a man challenges himself into believing that he can be the best lover and although he may not vibe with the feelings of the heart, he does pursue the issue only because he knows that he can get his woman laid, in this manner.

Another shortcoming that he might face as compared to women is that men cannot understand images. They are trained in the physical aspects of life, which may range from making tree houses to even making their own homes. They cannot imagine that most of the planning can be done in advance so as to make their own lives easier a little later.

Women are genetically inclined to literary arts and poetry, which makes them the "feeling" people. People who can understand, feel and more importantly visualize. It is no wonder then that most women can partake in the mass appreciation of pornographic stories and pictures.

Men only use these as objects to get a massive turn on, again a visual aspect and not related to imagery. Most men prefer to have the light on, perhaps a little dim too as the thrill to watch a woman naked is perhaps unmatched to any other in the world. Women almost always need to have the light off.

Sex …. A physical need!

Sex is always a physical game for most men. During my survey of wild sex I encountered ninety four percent of men seeking sex in the animated form. For them sex need not prescribe to the notion of being loved. Yes love is a part of it, not the heart of it. Sex was always a beast-like affair. One that involved huge fight-like encounter, with both partners wanting for more.

This is so because for them, sex is only sex and nothing more. Its more like a pornographic movie, the more the better. Most of them understand the huge importance of drugs used to virtually increase sexual stimulation that can last for hours together, without any breaks. One man was hugely candid about saying that sex was more of a release of tension, of tensed nerves as it were, so the more release the better. The frequency of sex also mattered.

They did not quite understand the need for arousal or foreplay, as their typical need for foreplay usually spans around for 5-7 minutes, after which the real action needed to be turned on, as if a switch for releasing the mass of tension locked behind the sexual organs. Another gentle man made it rather clear that it was most important for men to experience the first bout of sex with a virgin.

The blood dripping out of a woman’s vagina was an experience he felt should be appreciated and tasted by all. The colour red was so sexually stimulating he noted that even though he might for a time believe that it might be painful for the lady, its lure was unmatched to any thing else in the world. Phew, quite ravenous, what say?

An erogenous zone is an extremely sensitive area of the body. The stimulation of these erogenous zones leads to the sexual arousal of both men and women, usually in the penis and clitoris.

The sensitivity of these erogenous zones differs from person to person and also from one body part to another.

Men and their awareness of female erogenous zones

A man needs to sexually explore his partner’s erogenous zones if he wishes to arouse her before initiating intercourse. If the woman is not sexually aroused, her sexual experience will prove to be unsatisfying for her, and in turn, negatively affect the male too.

Instead, men should pay attention to those areas of a woman’s body - by stroking and caressing them – for her to achieve a more intense orgasm. The foreplay is just as an important part of sex as the intercourse; hence it’s of paramount importance that a man knows about the woman’s erogenous zones to meet her needs.

It’s a well known fact that men climax faster than women. It can be a difficult task for a man to steer a woman towards an orgasm with just intercourse alone. Stimulating the woman’s erogenous zones will help to make sex more pleasurable for both parties.

The neck as an erogenous zone

The female neck is a naturally sensitive area of the body. In fact, this entire area between the shoulder and her ear is tailor made for easy stimulation. Just a light massage of this area with the tongue or by lightly kissing the length and breadth of this area will sexually arouse the woman. The back of a woman’s neck is also sensitive and receptive to light caressing.

Her hands as an erogenous zone

The soft skin of the hands and inner arms are extremely sensitive to stimulation. A light massage or light stroking of the hands will more often than not lead to an arousal in women. At times, vigorous kneading or butterfly kisses can bring about a vaginal or clitoral orgasm. The sensitivity of the hands will differ amongst women and is dependant on the nature of the skin.

Her ears as an erogenous zone
A gentle sucking of the ear lobes is sensitive for many women. If a man continues with this sensual action for a steady amount of time it can lead to the woman’s sexual arousal. Women will also find soft breathing into the ear to be a highly pleasure-inducing.

Her feet as an erogenous zone
Feet have a large concentration of nerve endings, specifically in the toes and the sole of the foot. The sucking or licking of feet induces sexual arousal by stimulating these nerves. Stimulation of the feet will release seductive pheromones leading to a heightened sense of sexual arousal. The sucking of toes is an activity enjoyed by many women, which men often indulge in to galvanize the sexual experience as a whole.

Inner Thighs as an erogenous zone
Inner thighs are also quite a sensitive erogenous zone, but most men might not offer it the attention this zone deserves for its close proximity to the vagina. Stroking of the inner thighs is one of the easiest ways of inducing sexual arousal in a woman. Moreover, this region is so sensitive that very little effort is needed to bring the woman to a state of sexual arousal.

A deeply satisfying sexual activity is a result of the erogenous zones being properly stimulated. Also, the stimulation of these zones brings the 2 individuals closer as the female is made to feel that the male is not interested in just interested in his pleasure alone and wants the woman to enjoy the sexual experience as well.

The kiss is the single most intimate display of affection. The kiss is the key that opens the door to both her heart, and her body. It has been found that most women based their decision of whether they would sleep with a man, on his kissing abilities.

Most men if given a chance to kiss a woman thinks while kissing that when can we get to step two? And three and four? Is she aroused yet? Can I put my hand on her breast now?

A man sees kissing as the next step on a quest. Many men take kissing as a step to get down to the good stuff. As a result, they rush through the kissing and do not get to fully enjoy the delightfulness of a long, passionate, kiss.

Actually the kiss is not a step, it is the the destination itself. A man kisses a woman like he will never do anything else with this woman, as if he never wants to do anything else with this woman. But this is when the woman decides there will be other activities on the agenda.

You want to be a great kisser? Then keep it simple and sexy. Forget about impressing her with that heavenly kiss. Instead, indulge yourself in a simple, sexy and intimate kiss. Rid your mind of any kissing performance thoughts, and instead, realize that she's opening the door to her soul and body. Enjoy the moment!

If eyes tell the sectrets of a person, then lips are the informers of our consciousness. Our lips respond to happy thoughts by smiling, they express our deepest emotions with words of love and hope ,and kissing is the only way to say something that words can't.

A first kiss!! It should always be done while the two of you are alone.(Do I need to tell that?)

This will help to avoid any unnecessary nervousness and embarrassing situations.The best type of kiss is one that uses different variations...such as starting with a small kiss, working into a French kiss, maybe sucking on your partner's upper or lower lip...

And don't just leave kisses to the lips. Kiss the whole face. This can be very seductive and romantic.

Kissing is an art form. The kissing experience is different for each of us.The first step to kissing is known as finding her comfort level. Make sure she is ready for a kiss and do not start anything until she is comfortable.

The best kisses are those that are memorable, but leave you pantingly wanting more. The language of a kiss is communication without words. At various times you want to communicate attraction, affection, love, passion, lust, and I'll miss you, baby. Pay attention to what your mate responds to, and what seems to turn him or her off, then adjust your techniques accordingly.