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Arousal Kiss

2010-06-02T07:57:00.000-07:00

Kissing expresses and intensifies sexual feeling. Boys will experience a hardening of the penis, girls will become wet. The heart beats faster and breathing will quicken. You feel a warm glow all through your body: you are getting 'hot'.

It is wonderful to keep this state of pleasure going for a while. Keep up the quality of your kissing by not losing yourself altogether, so don't forget to breathe or to swallow. Keep or move your partner and yourself in comfortable positions, so that arms or necks do not become strained.

As experience grows, so does your repertoire. Kisses will go anywhere. Ear kisses are very exciting, as long as they are very light touches of the tongue tip against the inside of the ear shell.

Do not go in deeply and take care to hold your breath or breathe very very lightly, otherwise it will hurt. A whisper into the ear is very stimulating indeed. Lots of different kisses can be distinguished:

underwater kisses are very suitable for beginning swimmers at play
musical kisses are rhythmic dances of the tongue in the half dark
counterkisses are different responses, wet against dry, quick agains slow
exchange kisses swap drink or food (icecream, a strand of spaghetti).

Kissing gives pleasure in itself and can be all that you do, for a time at least.

Tongue Kissing

2010-05-03T20:39:00.000-07:00

There comes a moment, if not now then later, when the lips kiss half open and the tongues touch. This is sometimes called French kissing, not because the French invented it but because people used to think it very naughty or even dirty and disgusting. For the same reason, a condom was called a French letter and oral sex is still called 'French'.

The tongue kiss is another heartstopping event when you first experience it. When the tongues touch each other, it is again important to let them move gently and, you might say, curiously, exploring the other tongue, playing around it, withdrawing and approaching, like a slow dance.

So do not force your tongue into the other mouth, or allow the other tongue to fill yours without response. Very important also is to keep your teeth from touching the other's teeth. One of the most typical put-downers in kissing is when people forget themselves in what they think is a passionate embrace and hit each other's teeth hard and painfully.

For this reason it is also handy to remove spectacles before tongue kissing starts. Taking off glasses gently can be a great introduction to kissing anyway.

Good Kissing

2010-04-13T20:32:00.000-07:00

The most important characteristic of good kissing -of good lovemaking in general- is gentleness and attention.

Touch your partner with your hands on the hair or face and look them in the eye. As you approach with your lips do not be too hasty, but check the response. If your partner is willing, they show it by moving their lips in your direction. When the lips touch, keep them relaxed, but not too much. Lips should be neither tight or pinched nor limp or flabby.

The touch of loving lips is an exquisite experience and should be savoured. Let your partner feel the pleasure you feel. You can close your eyes (you naturally tend to do that anyway), but it can be a pretty good idea to open them at least a little now and then.

Half open eyes show that you are enjoying the intimacy and are communicating that enjoyment. Kissing is best when you are giving as well as receiving pleasure and are both aware of that.

Initial kisses are gentle and attentive, so the pressure of your lips is at first featherlight. Repeat these kisses for a while, explore the lips with your lips and very lightly with the tip of your tongue. Feel the response of the other lips, do they open up or remain closed?

That is important for taking the next step. If the other's lips remain closed, while they still enjoy the kissing, refrain from going any further. Do not force anything, do not worm your tonue between the other's lips, do not open you mouth all wide and wet in passionate and swooning surrender.

First Sexual Kiss

2010-03-26T08:45:00.000-07:00

For most of us the first sexual kiss is a great event, full of strange and exciting emotion. Many people remember when and where and how they had their first kiss. Some were six or seven, others had to wait until after their twenties. Most people have good memories of their first kiss.

Even if they felt clumsy or shy or awkward, the excitement of touching someone else's lips was enough to make them feel on top of the world.

There are exceptions, of course. Some people remember their first kiss as being without any pleasure or thrill. Some remember having kisses forced upon them against their will. Kissing can be so clumsy and awkward that it gives pain or boredom or irritaion rather than pleasure. The expression for this phenomenon is 'Sweet sixteen and never been kissed, only slobbered over.'

So maybe quite a few young people (and some older ones as well) may benefit from a few lessons in kissing. For it remains a fact that sexual kissing is not on any curriculum. It is not taught at home or in school or in mail courses.

Kissing is supposed to come naturally and not to need any instruction or help. This is only partly true. Swimming comes naturally, too, yet we need instruction and guidance to do it well and feel confident in the water. And even if you are a natural talent, a perfect kisser, you may find that your partner is not so good at it, and can use a little instruction.

You can kiss anywhere and at any time, but experience teaches that in the beginning a quiet and safe place works best. So that may be your room, provided there is no chance of intrusion, or a secluded place in the country or by the sea.

The city, too, offers places of seclusion in the daytime, such as parks and porticos, but is mostly too crowded. After dark, the city can be a wonderful place for going out, but it is not the best environment for practising the art of kissing.

We don't recommend movies, discos, pubs, department stores, taxis, lavatories, restaurants, buses, pavements or underground trains, for the simple reason that there are too many distractions, noise, and other people. It is better not to kiss intimately in the presence of other people. It makes them feel excluded (they would like to be doing what you are doing) or embarrassed.

Masturbation

2010-03-19T07:38:00.000-07:00

Masturbation means to arouse yourself sexually, usually to orgasm. Other expressions for masturbation are 'to jerk off' for males or 'to finger oneself' for females. An old and very negative term is 'self-abuse'.
Another word is onanism.

This word is derived from Onan, a character from the Old Testament who was punished by God because he 'spilled his seed on the ground'. The true reason for Onan's punishment was that he did not want to get his deceased brother's widow pregnant, something he had been ordered to do on the basis of what was customary in those days.

In nineteenth-century Europe the fear of masturbation increased and reached a high point in the early half of the twentieth century. In order to scare off adolescents it was said that masturbation resulted in self-contamination, led to tuberculosis of the spinal cord, and could cause meningitis and insanity.

On top of all that, small devices were invented that 'responsible' parents could tie around a boy's genitals to prevent 'the wickedness' to develop. Some of these devices were equipped with stings or shrewd alarm devices that would cause pain when the boy had an erection and warned the parents.

Also, the clitorises of thousands of young girls who were suspected of masturbation were removed surgically.
It comes as no surprise that all this intimidation reduced the joy of living and led to fear, guilt, and feelings of inferiority and self-contempt. That was the fate of numerous people who could not refrain from masturbation in spite of all the fearful prospects.

Of course, a majority practised it without a great deal of individual suffering: they just kept the practice secret, and felt that at least they were not as bad as the 'real' masturbators who ended up in the law courts or the psychiatrist's consultation room, and were said to be 'obsessed' or 'addicted' because they practised self abuse several times a day or used perverse stimulans like 'obscene' pictures.

Sexologists and educators of the second half of the twentieth century gradually changed the thinking about masturbation. At present the majority agree that masturbation is not harmful, but even rather a healthy sexual activity. Still, many people feel uncomfortable about the practice, do not condone it in young children, priests or married people, and see it as additional evidence in cases where someone is accused of some moral offence.

Research has shown that most people masturbate every now and then. It used to be thought that boys masturbate more often than girls, presumably because they discover their penis at a relatively early age since they pee with it. That is not true. Most people masturbate before they become twelve. This does not mean that someone who starts later is not normal.

Fellatio

2010-03-11T21:26:00.000-08:00

Better known as giving head, a blowjob, licking and sucking a male's penis is one of the best liked sexual techniques, which has the great advantage that it cannot cause pregnancy, and also gives the 'giver' an active role to play in love making. Just as with ordinary kissing and with cunnilingus, it is handy to know some basics.

It is very important to be very careful and gentle doing fellatio, and use plenty of saliva.

The first time you perform fellatio is probably a bit scary, so prepare for that by familiarizing yourself with his body beforehand. During 'ordinary' sessions you must first feel the penis against your leg or other body part, and then learn to touch the penis with your hand. You must be able to look at it, both when it is small and when it is erected.

Also you have some practical experience with manual stroking (masturbation) leading to orgasm and ejaculation

Before fellatio you decide how far you will go. You must be on top. The first few times you practice fellatio it is probably wise to hold the penis, kiss it lightly, watch it grow, and play with your tongue, put your lips over the head of the penis, enclose it in your mouth for just brief moments and hold it away from your mouth when he climaxes, which is just before he ejaculates.

In fellatio it is a good thing to keep communication going, touch and caress him, exchange signals of pleasure, ask him if you're doing it right. The most sensitive area is under the glans (head), where it is attached to the shaft of the penis with a little muscle called frenulum. Remember to keep plenty of saliva round your tongue and lips, and lick that spot for maximum effect

Hold the penis by fellatio with your full hand, or with just your thumb and index finger encircling the base, squeezing lightly from time to time to make the penis stand up even harder and grow to maximum size.

You can observe the excitement in him mounting by the fellatio, since his breathing goes faster, his muscles tense, he may sigh or moan, his testicles rise and the scrotum contracts against the base of the penis.

If you put your mouth around the glans of the penis, keep your teeth away from the sensitive skin. In fellatio there should be no violent or monotonous blind movement on your part, but conscious, pleasure-giving motion with some variety, just covering the glans and coming up and then coming down all the way as far as you feel comfortable.

Only by the time he is sufficiently aroused by the fellatio to be on the way to a climax do you continue the movement you are making, stimulating the same area persistently, but of course without causing any pain or discomfort until he reaches the climax and a second later ejaculates, so you have time to move your head aside.

After sufficient experience with fellatio, under safe conditions, and if you like to try it, you can let him come inside your mouth. You can decide to swallow the semen or hold it in your mouth and then let it flow from your mouth onto his belly or leg. Have a tissue or handkerchief at hand to wipe it away, but it can also be rubbed over his body as part of the love session

The taste of semen is like oyster without salt, and it's a little sticky, so keep a glass of water at hand if you want to rinse your mouth.

Cunnilingus

2010-03-03T11:31:00.000-08:00

sCunni is Latin for the female genitals and lingus means to lick. Other terms are French tongue, eating pussy, going down on someone. Oral sex has one great advantage: it cannot make you pregnant.

Kissing a girl's gentals can also be a very exciting and satisfactory experience for both. It requires a certain skill, as in ordinary kissing, which means it should not cause irritation or be boring. It is important to use enough saliva on the tongue, to start off very gently and with a lot of sincere attention.

Slow and teasing movements of the tongue across the vagina and around the clitoris and back can be varied with tiny quick flutterings of the tip of the tongue across the clitoris.

You can let your finger play around as well, very gently and with loving care. Do not suddenly penetrate the vagina, do not become mechanical or rough. Pay attention to how she reacts, because it is an indication of how she likes it, and if she is warming up.

If she just lies there, maybe she is not enjoying it very much. Perhaps she is not ready for it, or perhaps she feels isolated. While kissing her genitals, you can still keep in touch by caressing her body, or holding her hands.

You can recognize the signs of an approaching climax, and then it is best not to change your position or technique. For her to reach the climax it is important to get the same intense stimulus for at least half a minute or so.

The clitoris becomes bigger and stiffer as it gets aroused, just like a penis. At a high level of excitement, but before the orgasm, the clitoris retreats. This is not a sign of diminishing interest, on the contrary.

Licking around the clitoris, keeping the tongue and lips very wet, and then concentrating on the same area with a regular and constant rhythm while perhaps playing around very lightly with a finger, will probably bring about her orgasm within a minute.

Normally speaking, an orgasm is very noticeable, because the girl is hot, covered in a thin layer of sweat, often shows a red flush all over her body, moves uncontrollably, moans or gives other vocal signals and then utters a deep explosive sigh as the peak of sexual pleasure washes over her.

You recognize the signs because of your experience with yourself. The orgasm consists of 5-10 contractions of the muscles of the vagina and the anus, which can clearly be felt. Some extra moisture may come out during orgasm. This is sometimes referred to as 'female ejaculation'.

Great Sex Without Intercourse

2010-02-21T20:03:00.000-08:00

Great sex without intercourse step:

Touching

Touching the breasts, or other parts that are usually covered, like the abdomen and the buttocks, is the following stage. Again it is important to be gentle and exploratory, not hasty or clumsy.

It may look exciting to see people in movies lose their head completely in a frenzy of passion, but reality is different (by the way, such movie scenes show how little moviemakers know about these things). Always be aware and enjoy what you are doing.

Giving an orgasm

Finally - and this may come after many sessions of enjoyable kissing and petting - you can give the other an orgasm (make him or her come) by touching and stimulating the genitals.

If you are agreed that you don’t need sexual intercourse yet, this is a perfect way to have wonderful sex without any worry about pregnancy or infection.

Masturbating a boy

You can make a boy come with your hand. The first time you hold a penis is very exciting, maybe a little frightening too. But remember, he is very sensitive and vulnerable, so be very gentle and careful.

Don’t start pulling the foreskin back immediately, but just hold it softly, move your fingers a little bit, look at it if you can. The penis is probably already hard and big the first time you touch it, because the boy has become aroused as a result of the kissing and caressing that you have already done.

And if the boy is very excited he takes only a very short time to have an orgasm. His semen will squirt out in three or four small gusts, so be prepared for that. It is a good idea to have some tissues or a handkerchief ready to catch the semen or wipe it away. It is very natural stuff, like the white of an egg, so if it stains clothes or sheets or upholstery, it cleans away easily with some warm water.

Masturbating a girl

You can masturbate a girl by moving your fingers very gently at first across her slit. It is probably be wet from the kissing and petting, otherwise you must wet your finger with saliva. The most sensitive spot is the girl’s clitoris and the area around it.

You must be careful about rubbing it too hard or quickly. Only when you feel that she is getting aroused, can you increase the rhythm of your stroking until she comes. Many girls find it not so easy to have an orgasm this way. They have their own particular technique when they masturbate and it is very difficult for another person to know that without asking.

You can also make her come by kissing and licking her slit. Again it is important to do this very gently at first and show that you enjoy it. She can let you know if you’re doing it right. Of course this oral sex is only safe if you know you cannot be infected.

All in all, you can have great sex without sexual intercourse. This non-penetrative sex is a wonderful way to get to know each other and talk about what you like, or discuss and solve any problem that comes along.

Sex Without Intercourse

2010-02-13T21:07:00.000-08:00

For most people it is sometimes better to make love without the penis entering the vagina. This may be because the girl is having her period. Especially on the first day or days the bleeding may be so heavy that she prefers to keep her panties and a sanitary towel on or a tampon in. (When the bleeding is only light, sexual intercourse is quite possible and enjoyable, also because the risk of pregnancy is very small.)

Another reason for abstaining from intercourse (or ‘coitus’ as it is also called) is to avoid pregnancy. Fertilization is possible during 5 days every month, before and at the time of the girl’s ovulation, which is about midway between menstruations.

So to avoid pregnancy it is necessary to avoid coitus during those unsafe days.You may also wish to avoid an infection, or irritation if one of the partners has an irritated skin or experiences pain during intercourse.

Also, it is a very good idea for people who have just met not to go all the way immediately. There’s a lot of enjoyment in getting used to each other step by step. So this is the best approach for the inexperienced, and not a bad thing even for the experienced when they are new to each other.

Finally, people with sexual problems are always advised to avoid intercourse for some time. They have to re-learn making love.

The first stage of sexual attraction is looking at someone, noticing their general appearance (race, age, shape), and their face in particular (lips and eyes), then hearing their voice, noticing how they smile or toss their hair. Some people are attractive to almost everyone, some are the opposite.

Most people are between these extremes, so there will be a pretty good chance - when they are young - to meet possible sexual partners. It’s sexual desire that makes us go out in search of someone to love. Let’s suppose two people have met and feel attracted to each other.

Touching is usually the beginning of sexual excitement and intimacy. Every part of us is sensitive to touch, and the feeling we get depends very much on the relationship. If someone is a relative stranger and we are touched for the first time, our sexual excitement is very strong, stronger than when someone is familiar to us.

The touch of a hand against a hand, the caressing of a face, the lips close to the ear, the movement of a hand over your leg, the soft tickling of a thigh or the massage of neck and shoulders, they can all be exquisite and arousing, so that the heart beats faster, and a feeling of warmth runs through us.

Kissing is the next stage. Our mouths are especially sensitive and the deep kiss, where the mouth opens and the tongues can play together, is usually at the centre of petting. While we kiss, our hands hold the partner and explore their hair and face, back and front. Kissing is important.

Do it gently and cautiously and playfully at first. Open your eyes, at least occasionally and say that you like it (if you do). Do not slobber or crush and if the other does, teach them. Don’t forget, kissing is not taught in any school and in very few homes, so most people have to go by intuition. Some really do not know how to kiss, and they have to be instructed.

Oral Sex

2010-02-03T21:12:00.000-08:00

In oral sex, irrumatio is performed by actively thrusting the penis into the mouth of the partner. In slang, this act is called face fucking, throat fucking and skull fucking.

As with fellatio, it may be performed to induce male orgasm and ejaculation of semen. The passive partner may simultaneously be induced to climax if so desired. It can also be used as foreplay prior to vaginal or anal forms of intercourse.

However, the passive partner might experience certain difficulties compared to less-aggressive fellatio, such as feeling as if they are abused, boredom, uncomforting reflexes, coughing up saliva, vomiting, being unable to breathe, etc.

One method for the passive partner to overcome such difficulties is using the so-called stopper technique by wrapping one hand around the lower shaft of the penis thus being able to control its movement. Irrumatio can take place in a variety of positions.

Possible positions:
The passive partner with the back on the bed with the head tilted over the edge or the passive partner kneeling in front of the active partner.
Fellatio and irrumatio can be used interchangeably during oral sex. Indeed the distinction between fellatio and irrumatio has vanished in modern English and the latter term has fallen out of widespread use.

According to Maggie Paley's argument in her work, The Book of the Penis, some receivers regard receiving oral sex as an ego boost, believing that such an act is a form of dominance over their sexual partner because of the overt submissive nature of the act; the giver may often be on their knees before the receiver to perform the act of pleasure.

As the Roman conception of the act also indicates, this is more so for irrumatio than fellatio in oral sex, as the male partner is dominant in action and the act of deep throating is easier.

Irrumation

2010-01-24T19:38:00.000-08:00

Irrumatio, also called irrumation, is a type of sexual intercourse performed by actively thrusting one's penis into a partner's mouth and throat. It may also be the thrusting of the penis between the legs, feet, upper thighs (also known as interfemoral sex), or between the abdomens of two partners.

"Latin erotic terminology actually distinguishes two acts ... First, fellation, in which the man’s penis is ... orally excited by ... the ... fellatrix ..., [and] Second, irrumation ... in which the man (the irrumator) ... engages in ... motions by moving his hips and body in a rhythm of his own choice."

The English noun irrumatio or irrumation and verb irrumate come from the Latin irrumare, to force one to perform fellatio. Also note that J. L. Butrica, in his review of R. W. Hooper's edition of The Priapus Poems,a co rpus of poems known as Priapeia in Latin, states that "some Roman sexual practices, like irrumatio, lack simple English equivalents."

As the quotation from Butrica suggests, and an article by W. A. Krenkel shows, irrumatio was a widespread sexual practice in the Roman Empire. J. N. Adams states that "it was a standard joke to speak of irrumatio as a means of silencing someone".

Oral sex of any kind was considered to be an act of defilement: the mouth had a particularly defined role as the organ of oratory, as in Greece, to participate in the central public sphere, where discursive powers were of great importance. Thus, to penetrate the mouth could be taken to be a sign of massive power differential within a relationship.

Remaining frescos from the Roman city of Pompeii demonstrate that irrumatio was one of the specific Roman sexual acts, the others being fututio, fellatio, pedicatio and cunnilingus. This was probably because the extant frescos appear to be in bathhouses and brothels: oral sex was something usually practiced with prostitutes because of their lowly status.

Pedicatio and Irrumatio are referenced in Catullus 16. Still, C. A. Williams argues that it was accepted as a degrading act, even more so than anal sex. S. Tarkovsky states that despite being popular, it was thought to be a hostile act, "taken directly from the Greek, whereby the Greek men would have to force the fellatio by violence".

Furthermore as A. Richlin has shown in an article in the Journal of the History of Sexuality it was also accepted as "oral rape", a punitive act against homosexuality. Roman historian Suetonius has a passage in his De Vita Caesarum which inconclusively states that Roman emperor Tiberius took great pleasure from forcing women, even those of rank, to perform fellatio.

Breast Fetishism

2010-01-15T21:21:00.000-08:00

Breast fetishism (also known as: mastofact, breast partialism, or mazophilia) is a type of sexual fetish which involves a sexual interest in female breasts.

Debate exists on whether the modern widespread sexual attraction to breasts among heterosexual males of western society constitutes a sexual fetish.

In clinical literature of the 19th century, the focus on breasts was considered a form of paraphillia; but in modern times this interest is considered normal except when the interest overshadows the relationship with the partner.

The clothing rituals of tight clothing and the display of cleavage have been attributed to breast fetishism in males. The phrase is also used within ethnographic and feminist contexts to describe a society with a culture devoted to breasts, usually as sexual objects.

Feminists have argued that examples of breast fetishism have been found going back to the neolithic era, with the goddess shrines of Catal Huyuk (in modern Turkey).

The archaeological excavations of the town in c. 1960 revealed that the walls of the shrine(s) were adorned with disembodied pairs of breasts that appeared to have "an existence of their own".

Elizabeth Gould Davis argues that the breasts (along with phalluses) were revered by the women of Catal Huyuk as instruments of motherhood, but it was after what she describes as a patriarchal revolution – when men had appropriated both phallus worship and "the breast fetish" for themselves – that these organs "acquired the erotic significance with which they are now endowed".

The reverence and theorizing shown to breasts also appears in the science of modern civilization. Breast fetishism is claimed to be an example of a contagious thought (or meme) spreading throughout society, and that breasts are primarily biosemiotic features that have evolved to influence human sexuality rather than serve an exclusive maternal function.

Performing

2010-01-05T20:18:00.000-08:00

Straddle your female partner with your knees wrapped around her upper body and chest. She should be in the most comfortable position possible.

Apply lubricant to your penis and your partner's cleavage. The constant skin on skin friction of mammary intercourse can be uncomfortable for both of you if you don't lube.

Cup the breasts around your penis and pushing them together tightly without hurting your partner. Thrust back and forth with your penis. To increase the stimulation for your partner, caress her nipples. If desired, the woman may hold her own breasts together, helping to stimulate you sexually.

Adapt mammary intercourse in a variety of ways for heightened stimulation. For instance, your female partner may place her head on a pillow or lift her head gently and perform oral sex as you continue your thrusting motions. You may also hover your partner's head, facing towards her feet, and perform mammary intercourse while she stimulates your anus with her tongue and lips.

Communicate with your partner as you approach ejaculation. Some women may not enjoy the experience of receiving ejaculate on their faces. You can ejaculate between her breasts, on her face or neck, or even in her mouth if she so desires. You may also end mammary intercourse by removing your penis from her breasts and finishing on another part of her body.

Mammary Intercourse

2009-12-20T05:29:00.000-08:00

Mammary intercourse describes a sex act, performed as foreplay or as non-penetrative sex, that involves the stimulation of the male penis by the female breasts. Commonly, this sex act involves the man placing his penis in the woman's cleavage and thrusting between her breasts, while the breasts are squeezed around the penis for additional stimulation.

Mammary intercourse can also be combined with fellatio. Researcher Austen Woods, in a study of the condom usage habits of New Zealand's sex workers, said that they offered safe sex alternatives to clients who refused to wear a condom.

Woods quoted a sex worker saying that mammary intercourse was one alternative used, because she claimed it felt to clients like sex without a condom when performed by a woman with large breasts.

It should be noted however that mammary intercourse is not truly safe sex, as some STDs can be transmitted by skin-to-skin contact. When mammary intercourse continues to the point of ejaculation, the semen can land on the breasts, face, or in the mouth of the woman. A slang term for the appearance of semen landing on the woman's upper chest, neck, or shoulders is a "pearl necklace".

Several slang terms refer to mammary intercourse, such as boobjob, titfuck or titty fuck in the United States, as well as tit wank or French fuck in the United Kingdom. The Japanese sex industry uses the term paizuri (from oppai, a slang word for breast).

Intercrural Sex

2009-12-11T05:07:00.000-08:00

Intercrural sex (from "inter-" and Latin "crura", legs), also known as femoral/interfemoral sex/intercourse, is a type of intercourse variously regarded as penetrative and non-penetrative sex, in which a male partner places his penis between the other partner's thighs (often with lubrication), and thrusts to create friction. It is therefore a type of Irrumatio.

The sex education and sexual experimentation of adolescents may feature intercrural sex in the interests of avoiding pregnancy or preserving virginity . In 1987 the Shere Hite report on female sexuality found that some adult women reported being able to achieve orgasm through stimulation of the clitoris by the penis, including via intercrural contact. A variation on this practice is known in Japan as sumata.

Intercrural intercourse (termed diamerizein, "to do it between the thighs") was common in the Ancient Greek system of pederasty, where anal sex was considered demeaning to the, usually younger, receiving partner.

The historian K.J. Dover wrote about this extensively in his book Greek Homosexuality (1977), from which current theories on the subject of Greek male-male sexuality are largely derived. Joan Roughgarden refers to standing face-to-face intercrural intercourse as the "gay male missionary position" of ancient Greece in a section of her recent book Evolution's Rainbow that draws heavily on Dover.

Intercrural sex is sometimes known as the "Princeton First-Year". The term may refer to a system by which upperclassmen helped new students assimilate to university life in exchange for sexual gratification. A similar system was present at Oxford University, hence the synonym "Oxford Style". Students at both Oxford and Princeton may have been imitating homosexual practices in ancient Greece, depicted by authors such as Plato and Aristotle.

Intercrural intercourse has been proposed as an important part of the sexual lives of a handful of notable historical figures known or thought to have been homosexual or bisexual. According to his biographer Richard Ellman, Oscar Wilde was introduced to intercrural sex by Robert Baldwin Ross, and it appears to have been his preferred activity, even over oral sex.

Shaka Zulu is speculated to have encouraged intercrural intercourse among his troops to "create intimacy and loyalty". Quotes attributed to the Cynic philosophers regarding Alexander the Great, made both during and after his lifetime, seem to presume intercrural intercourse between Alexander and Hephaestion.

Similarly, comments made by a bed mate about Abraham Lincoln's thighs led to speculation of intercrural intercourse between the two in C.A. Tripp's recent The Intimate World of Abraham Lincoln.

Though some modern Christians and Jews have made the argument that intercrural intercourse is not specifically condemned by Leviticus 18 or 20, it has been subject to various historical sodomy laws and religious restrictions; one of the questions a young man entering confessional during the medieval period would be asked was "Have you fornicated with another male between his thighs? By this I mean, have you ever put your manhood between the thighs of the other, and through vigorous movement ejaculated semen?"

Intercrural intercourse appears to have been common during the medieval era anyway, a contemporary document titled the "Altercatio Ganimedis et Helene" (The Debate of Helen and Ganymede) depicts Greco-Roman mythical figure Ganymede describing the "slippery thighs of a boy" as superior to the "stink and gaping looseness of the female cave".

Intercrural sex is still quite common in some communities. A 1997 report on the sexual health needs of MSM in the Calcutta suburbs found that 73% of men asked engaged in intercrural intercourse, though the frequency varied based on demographic factors: only 54% of sex workers, 50% of lower income men and 40% of Muslims reported intercrural sex; while 82% of Hindus and 88% of middle income men reported engaging in it.

A similar study from South Asia reported that intercrural sex was tied with anal sex as the second most preferred sex act of gay men, making it more popular than oral sex and frot.

Frot

2009-12-05T14:12:00.000-08:00

Frot is a slang term (ult. from the French verb frotter, "to rub") describing a form of male/male non-penetrative sex, where two men engage in the rubbing of erect penis on erect penis — typically while fully nude and in a frontal embrace that allows simultaneous kissing, and often with a shared understanding that the frot is not merely foreplay to some other type of sex, but will instead continue until both men reach orgasm and ejaculation.

Owing to its non-penetrative character, frot has the safe sex advantage of drastically minimizing transmission of HIV and other infections without the inconvenience and expense of condoms and special lubricants.

Coined sometime in the late 1990s, the word frot (rhyming with "dot") was shortened from the term "frottage" (rhyming with "massage"), a more generic and unisex term for various types of non-penetrative genital rubbing.

Frot can be enjoyable because it mutually and simultaneously stimulates the genitals of both partners as it tends to produce pleasurable friction against the frenulum nerve bundle on the underside of each man's penile shaft, just below the urinary opening of the penis's "head".

An artificial "lube" may be applied before or during frot, and the use of such lubricant may be particularly advisable if one or both of the men is circumcised. Although it's essential to avoid oil-based lubes with latex condoms during any form of penetrative sex, virtually any non-allergenic lubricant is suitable for frot.

Subjectively, fans of frot report that the high degree of "erotic symmetry" inherent to frot can help induce a feeling of "deep sexual connection" without the need for physical penetration, and also bring about a greater sense of emotional intimacy than is suggested by terms such as "mutual masturbation" or "heavy petting."

And many frot advocates assert that this symmetry will also tend to generate a strong sense of shared masculinity and reinforce a feeling of "equal partnership" for a male/male couple.

(More controversially, some "frot radicals" have made the tendentious claim that anal sex between men must necessarily leave the receptive man feeling both emasculated and degraded in comparison to the penetrating man.)

Since frot is a non-penetrative sex act, the risk of passing a sexually transmitted infection (STI) that requires direct contact between the mucous membranes and pre-ejaculate or semen is greatly reduced.

Notably, HIV is among the diseases that require such direct contact, and is therefore very unlikely to be transmitted via frot. On the other hand, frot can potentially provide an "invasion" opportunity for a few pathogenic organisms that need only skin-to-skin contact.

In this category are the viruses causing genital herpes and genital warts, either of which can, in some cases, lead to serious health problems. At the same time, it should be understood that all of these "casually transmissible" diseases are just as likely, if not more so, to be transmitted during male/male anal intercourse as during frot.

Foot Fetishism

2009-11-25T06:26:00.000-08:00

Foot fetishism, foot partialism, foot worship, or podophilia is a pronounced sexual interest in feet. It is the most common form of sexual preference for otherwise non-sexual objects or body parts.

Foot fetish has been defined as a pronounced sexual interest in the feet or footwear. Freud considered foot binding as a form of fetishism.

For a foot fetishist, points of attraction include the shape and size of the foot and toes (e.g., long toes, short toes, pointed toes, high arches, slender soles, fat toes, long toenails, short toenails, small feet, toenail color), jewelry, toe rings, ankle bracelets, treatments e.g. French pedicure, state of dress (e.g. barefoot, flip flops, or clad in socks or nylons), odor, and any form of sensory interaction, e.g. licking, kissing, sucking, tickling, person giving foot jobs, pedal pumping or trampling/stomping.

In order to estimate the relative frequency of fetishes researchers at the University of Bologna examined 381 Internet discussions of fetish groups, in which at least 5,000 people had been participating.

Researchers estimated the prevalences of different fetishes based on
(a) the number of discussion groups devoted to a particular fetish,
(b) the number of individuals participating in the groups and
(c) the number of messages exchanged. It was concluded that the most common fetishes were for body parts or for objects usually associated with body parts (33% and 30% respectively).

Among those people preferring body parts, feet and toes were preferred by the greatest number, with 47% of those sampled preferring them. Among those people preferring objects related to body parts, footwear (shoes, boots, etc.) was most preferred (64%).

Some researchers have hypothesized that foot fetishism increases as a response to epidemics of sexually transmitted diseases. In one study, conducted by Dr. A James Giannini at Ohio State University an increased interest in feet as sexual objects was observed during the great gonorrhea epidemic of twelfth century Europe, and the syphilis epidemics of the 16th and 19th centuries in Europe.

In the same study, the frequency of foot-fetish depictions in pornographic literature was measured over a 30 year interval. An exponential increase was noted during the period of the current AIDS epidemic.

In these cases, sexual foot play was viewed as a safe-sex alternative. However, the researchers noted that these epidemics overlapped periods of relative female emancipation. Sexual focus on female feet was also hypothesized to have been a reflection of a more dominant posture of the woman in sexual-social relations. (The first surviving mention of foot fetish is by Bertold of Regensburg in 1220.

Handjob

2009-11-17T21:29:00.000-08:00

A handjob is the manual stimulation of the penis. The manual stimulation of a female's sex organs is usually called fingering, although sometimes "handjob" is used to refer to this act as well.

A handjob may or may not end in ejaculation or orgasm; it may or may not constitute the entire sexual encounter. A handjob may be part of foreplay or part of or a precursor to other sexual activities.

It can provide sexual pleasure to a partner when penetrative intercourse is not possible or desirable. Little physical effort is required for a handjob, and the male is not distracted by the effort of thrusting or the need to stimulate his partner's sexual organs.

A handjob can incorporate a large amount of stimulation and variety and, as with other forms of sexual stimulation, the giving partner can receive significant pleasure and sexual arousal, because they can directly control and observe the sexual excitement and physical reactions of their partner. Handjobs can be enhanced by using oil to lubricate the penis and the hand.

The expression "happy ending" is a colloquial term for the practice of those massage therapists who are also sex workers, offering sexual release to a client. According to a 1975 study by A.J. Velarde, in an unnamed west-coast city in the United States, provision of a "hand job", where the woman gave the client a handjob, was one of the services female masseuses were employed to give.

Subsequent newspaper publicity of this practice caused local councils to impose licensing requirements upon masseuses similar to the ones used on prostitutes. This licensing led to increased expectations in massage parlour clients, who expected that more than a handjob would be available, that is, sexual intercourse.

Because the masseuses themselves considered that they had nothing to lose in acting as prostitutes, and because the local council treated them as prostitutes anyway, masseuses often complied, and thus attracted more prostitution to the city.

Erotic Massage ( part 2 )

2009-11-08T20:42:00.000-08:00

While physicians of the period acknowledged that the disorder stemmed from sexual dissatisfaction, they seemed unaware of or unwilling to admit the sexual purposes of the devices used to treat it.

In fact, the introduction of the speculum was far more controversial than that of the vibrator. By the turn of the century, the spread of home electricity brought the vibrator to the consumer market. The appeal of cheaper treatment in the privacy of one’s own home understandably made the vibrator a popular early home appliance.

In fact, the electric home vibrator was on the market before many other home appliance ’essentials’: nine years before the electric vacuum cleaner and 10 years before the electric iron. A page from a Sears catalog of home electrical appliances from 1918 includes a portable vibrator with attachments, billed as ”Very useful and satisfactory for home service.

Erotic massages are typically performed in a person's erogenous zones to achieve or enhance sexual arousal. In the case of women, the two focal areas are the breasts and pubis. In case of men, the focal area is the genitals.

Erotic massage may be utilized as a sex therapy, that is, as a means of stimulating the libido, or increasing the ability of a person to respond positively to sensual stimulus.

In some cases, erotic massage can be a form of foreplay without sexual gratification, intended to heighten the sensitivity of an individual prior to another engagement where sexual arousal and fulfillment is intended.

In other cases, erotic massage may be used professionally to help men address issues of premature ejaculation. Methods employed may teach the recipient to relax the musculature of his pelvis and thus prolong arousal and increase pleasure.

Erotic Massage

2009-10-29T19:59:00.000-07:00

Erotic massage or sensuous massage is the use of massage techniques to achieve or enhance sexual arousal. Massages have been used for medical purposes for a very long time. Its use for erotic purposes also has a long history.

Today it is used by some couples on occasions as part of lovemaking, either as foreplay or as the final sex act. Erotic massages typically feature massages in erogenous zones of the body to increase sexual arousal.

In the Western medical tradition genital massage of a woman to orgasm by a physician or midwife was a standard treatment for female hysteria, an ailment considered common and chronic in women.

In 1653, Pieter van Foreest advised the technique of genital massage for a disease called "womb disease" to bring the woman into "hysterical paroxysm". Such cases were quite profitable for physicians, since the patients were at no risk of death, but needed constant treatment.

However, the vaginal massage procedure (generally referred to as 'pelvic massage') was tedious and time consuming for physicians. The technique was difficult for a physician to master and could take hours to achieve "hysterical paroxysm."

Referral to midwives, which had been common practice, meant a loss of business for the physician, and at times husbands were asked to assist.

A solution was the invention of massage devices, which shortened treatment from hours to minutes, removing the need for midwives and increasing a physician’s treatment capacity.

Already at the turn of the century, hydrotherapy devices were available at Bath, and by the mid-19th century, they were popular at many high-profile bathing resorts across Europe and in America.

By 1870, a clockwork-driven vibrator was available for physicians. In 1873, the first electromechanical vibrator was used at an asylum in France for the treatment of hysteria.

Frottage

2009-10-22T06:55:00.000-07:00

Frottage, more commonly known as dry humping, is the act of achieving sexual pleasure with a partner or partners, whether naked or clothed, without penetration. This can include using almost every part of the body, including the buttocks, the breasts, abdomen, thighs, feet, hands, legs, and sexual organs.

Frottage can include mutual genital rubbing, sometimes called genito-genital or GG rubbing and most of the other forms of non-penetrative sex.

There are many reasons a couple may choose frottage. The most common reasons are as a form of foreplay before intercourse or as a method to achieve sexual gratification without the more sexually explicit (and in some circumstances, forbidden) oral, vaginal or anal sexual intercourse.

Often young people will use frottage as an earlier stage of sexual intimacy before more explicit contact is desired, or as a substitute to intercourse to maintain a higher degree of chastity. Also, frottage can be done without getting undressed.

Panties, bras, pantyhose, socks, or stockings can aid in sexual arousal and stimulation. Lap dances often involve clothed frottage. A modern dancing style which involves partners rubbing their clothed bodies on one another is called "grinding," "freaking," or "Sandwich dancing" and is known in the Spanish speaking territories as "perrear" ("dogging").

This term came from Puerto Rico and later became the famous dance for reggaeton. The term frottage derives from the French verb frotter, "to rub."

Mutual Masturbation

2009-10-16T05:35:00.000-07:00

Mutual masturbation is a sexual act where two or more people stimulate themselves or one another sexually, usually with the hands. This may be done in situations where the participants do not feel ready, physically able, it is socially appropriate, or simply do not wish to have full sexual intercourse, but still wish to have a mutual sexual act.

It is also done as part of the full repertoire of sexual intercourse, where it may be used as an interlude, a form of foreplay or simply as an alternative activity to penetration.

For some, it is the primary sexual activity of choice above all others because it enables the individuals to see face to face and leaves the hands free to caress.

Mutual masturbation can be practiced by those of all sexual orientations. If used as an alternative to penile-vaginal penetration, the aim may be to preserve virginity or to prevent pregnancy. Some may choose it because it achieves sexual satisfaction without actual sex, possibly seeing it as an alternative to casual sex.

The techniques of mutual masturbation resemble those of simple masturbation, with the exception that other persons are involved. The range of participation can be as simple as two participants masturbating in the same room at the same time without any physical contact to a group of people all stimulating one another.

In the case of two participants, one partner may stimulate the other, each partner may stimulate the other, or one may stimulate both themselves and their partner. Mutual masturbation might result in one or more of the partners achieving orgasm.

If no bodily fluids are exchanged (as is common), mutual masturbation is a form of safer sex, and greatly reduces the risk of transmission of sexual diseases. As such it was encouraged among gay men by some safer sex organizations in the wake of the AIDS outbreak of the 1980s, as an alternative to anal or oral sex.

The terms "mutual masturbation" and "circle jerk" are sometimes also used as vulgar
metaphors. They can refer to a situation, often in the workplace, politics or academia, where people are stroking each other's ego without producing anything of value.

Partnered manual genital stroking to reach orgasm and expanded orgasm are practices done with a partner. Both people focus on creating and experiencing an orgasm in one person. Typically in this safe sex partnered masturbation practice, one person lies down, pantless, while his or her partner sits alongside.

The one partner sitting using their hands and fingers (typically with a lubricant) to slowly stroke the clitoris or penis and genitals of the partner. Expanded orgasm as a mutual masturbation technique is said to create orgasm experiences more intense and extensive than what can be described as, or included in the definition of, a regular orgasm.

It includes a range of sensations that include orgasms that are full-bodied, and orgasms that last from a few minutes to many hours.The term was coined in 1995 by Dr. Patricia Taylor.

Non-penetrative sex

2009-10-09T12:54:00.000-07:00

Non-penetrative sex (also known as outercourse, dry sex, and dry humping) is sexual activity without vaginal, anal, or oral penetration, as opposed to intercourse, anal sex, or oral sex (which may or may not be penetrative).

The terms mutual masturbation and frottage are also used, but with slightly different emphases. NPS and outercourse are rather new terms, which is why such practices are sometimes still called "intercourse".

The term "outercourse" is something of a misnomer, as it contrasts "outer" with "inter" but the "inter" in "intercourse" means "between two people". It does not describe being inside or outside of the body.

It is less likely that bodily fluids will be exchanged, and so outercourse is often considered a practice of safer sex, as well as of birth control . Outercourse in preparation for intercourse can form part of foreplay.

Axillary intercourse (slang: bagpiping, in reference to the underarm manner in which bagpipes are played; "directing traffic", or "pit-wank", a variant of the term "tit-wank") is a sexual variant where the penis is inserted in the other person's armpit.

Erotic massage, rubbing all over, with or without oil. May be intensified when combined with deep breathing.

Handjob, stimulating the penis with the hand.

Footjob, stimulating genitals with the feet.Frot, penile rubbing.

Intercrural sex, also known as interfemoral intercourse, which is a type of irrumation, where one partner places a phallic object or penis between the other partner's thighs.

Intergluteal sex, which is a type of irrumation, where one partner places a phallic object or penis into the other partner's buttock cleavage or gluteal cleft.

Mammary intercourse, when one partner rubs a phallic object or penis between the partner's breasts.

Oral stimulation of nipples.

Sumata, type of stimulation of male genitals popular in Japanese brothels.

Tribadism, vulval-vulval rubbing, also known as "scissoring.

Virtual sex, mutual masturbation at a distance with the aid of technology.

Storming A Male Bastion

2009-09-25T20:16:00.001-07:00

Many women pass their entire married life without even once experiencing orgasm and complete satisfaction during sex. Most end up as nags, develop problems like migraines or have extramarital affairs, and obsessive indulging in masturbation.

Some can also become severely depressed, develop suicidal tendencies, have violent outbursts and even severe forms of psychoneurosis. Imagine the frustration of the woman whose sexual energy has started its journey at the beginning of the sexual act, and is suddenly left 'high and dry', as the energy is not allowed to complete its journey.

On conducting a survey, it was found that a significant percentage of men and even women felt that any position besides the 'missionary position' amounted to indecent sex indulged only by prostitutes or nymphomaniacs.

Surprisingly, the majority of the male population seemed to talk of sex as a 'male domain', and the woman as a 'passive' partner who allowed the man sexual gratification. A significantly small percentage spoke about sexual needs, preferences and fantasies of the female partner.

In the Kamasutra by Vatsayana, the different asanas (postures) recommended ensure that the woman plays an 'active' part in the sexual act, without which she cannot experience complete sexual satisfaction.

In addition, as compared to the man, the woman takes longer to get aroused, needs to be touched, fondled, caressed as per her needs and fantasies. And once she is aroused fully, if she is allowed to actively move in a way that she desires stimulating her sensitive areas, she can climax with or even before her partner.

COMMUNICATE YOUR FANTASIES

Many women think about their sex life in the right direction and in the right proportion, but find themselves completely at a loss when it comes to 'doing' something about it. "How can my husband and I love each other so much, yet have such a dull and unexciting sex life?" asked a friend who is herself a clinical psychologist.

Had she discussed the problem with her husband, a gynaecologist, to whom she has been married for over 11 years? "I seem to be able to talk to him about everything but our sex life," she said at last. "I don't know how to tell him what I desire without seeming critical."

Women of all educational levels and life experiences, voice similar sentiments. Most married people lack basic information about their spouse's sexual preferences. The informal survey of 70 wives found a myriad of fantasies they wanted to share with their husbands. But, as one woman told me, "It is difficult to know how to begin."

To revitalise your sexual relationship too, 'communication' is critical. It isn't the amount or quality of sexual relations that makes or breaks marriage, but rather the degree of "fit" between partners' sexual needs, fantasies and priorities. Such mutuality comes only with communication.

Try to define for yourself and your spouse what your complaints and pleasures are. Many people are uncomfortable and shy about making specific requests, but open talk and experimentation are vital.

No one can automatically know what pleases another, without adequate feedback. Love does not make one a mind reader, but instead, love is trusting each other enough, to ask openly and answer honestly.

Sexual Fantasies

2009-09-25T20:06:00.000-07:00

The 'Hypothalamus' is a small portion of our brain where sexual desires arise in men as well as in women. Sex is primarily a 'cerebral' phenomenon and not genital.

The genitals simply execute the commands of our brain. This makes it clear that sexual arousal, the ability to enjoy sex and even the climax are primarily governed by our brain.

Fantasies, preferences, turn-ons, likes and dislikes in sex are predominantly functions of our brain. If this is so, then physiologically, men as well as women have an equal ability to generate varied sexual desires and fantasies.

Unfortunately, women have been culturally far more inhibited in their sexual expression in the past. Today's woman, however is becoming more and more aware about her own sexuality, her fantasies and her equal participation in sex.

BEING LEFT WANTING

"She nags me during the day and complains of a migraine at night. We haven't had intimate contact with each other since months now. I am frustrated and there seems no end in sight. I love her but she says that I don't care for her. What should I do?" said a young married man.

During counselling, the wife burst into tears and said, "He just uses me when he wants sex; he doesn't love me." Further probing revealed that she had normal sexual urges and had several encounters with her husband after their marriage. But as time passed, her angry outbursts increased and so also her nagging her husband and calling him selfish.

With her nocturnal migraines becoming a daily affair, there would be no possibility of intimacy. She admitted that though he was caring and concerned about her, she was unexplainably angry with him most of the time; in fact, she felt more so, and sad and confused after every sexual act.

Apparently, her husband would invariably take the lead, act impatiently during foreplay, penetrate much before she was fully aroused and ready, always perform intercourse in a missionary position (man on top) and finish the act in seconds. It never occurred to him that she may have different ideas of love-making, may prefer taking the lead sometimes, would like to be an 'active' partner during the act and would prefer some other positions too.

Once the couple discussed their mutual likes and dislikes, fantasies and preferences, the importance of mutually pleasurable foreplay, various possible settings during love-making, discovering each other's erogenous zones, things changed for the better.

Men Are Alike

2009-09-17T08:08:00.000-07:00

Most men are alike. When some aren’t, they are considered feminine, and yet there are others who first fall in the category of being great and then to the not-so-great category. Whatever do I mean? Well lets start from the beginning.

Most men believe that they are the most important species that we women are dealing with. Sure they may be great with numbers, especially with telephone numbers of some great leggy females, they are still their stages of infancy when it comes to feelings.

Most men are visually stimulated, they have to see everything to understand and believe. From a really great pair of legs to an adequately pleasing bosom.

A woman needs to be stroked and felt, while a man has already been stroked by his mere vision. He doesn’t need to purr, her just speaks his mind and sees it. This is perhaps the reason why men seem to get aroused much faster than women would. Most men love to be ahead of everything, be it career or sex.

If they cannot find themselves to get on to the top of it all, they lose interest. Most of the times, a man challenges himself into believing that he can be the best lover and although he may not vibe with the feelings of the heart, he does pursue the issue only because he knows that he can get his woman laid, in this manner.

Another shortcoming that he might face as compared to women is that men cannot understand images. They are trained in the physical aspects of life, which may range from making tree houses to even making their own homes. They cannot imagine that most of the planning can be done in advance so as to make their own lives easier a little later.

Women are genetically inclined to literary arts and poetry, which makes them the "feeling" people. People who can understand, feel and more importantly visualize. It is no wonder then that most women can partake in the mass appreciation of pornographic stories and pictures.

Men only use these as objects to get a massive turn on, again a visual aspect and not related to imagery. Most men prefer to have the light on, perhaps a little dim too as the thrill to watch a woman naked is perhaps unmatched to any other in the world. Women almost always need to have the light off.

Sex …. A physical need!

Sex is always a physical game for most men. During my survey of wild sex I encountered ninety four percent of men seeking sex in the animated form. For them sex need not prescribe to the notion of being loved. Yes love is a part of it, not the heart of it. Sex was always a beast-like affair. One that involved huge fight-like encounter, with both partners wanting for more.

This is so because for them, sex is only sex and nothing more. Its more like a pornographic movie, the more the better. Most of them understand the huge importance of drugs used to virtually increase sexual stimulation that can last for hours together, without any breaks. One man was hugely candid about saying that sex was more of a release of tension, of tensed nerves as it were, so the more release the better. The frequency of sex also mattered.

They did not quite understand the need for arousal or foreplay, as their typical need for foreplay usually spans around for 5-7 minutes, after which the real action needed to be turned on, as if a switch for releasing the mass of tension locked behind the sexual organs. Another gentle man made it rather clear that it was most important for men to experience the first bout of sex with a virgin.

The blood dripping out of a woman’s vagina was an experience he felt should be appreciated and tasted by all. The colour red was so sexually stimulating he noted that even though he might for a time believe that it might be painful for the lady, its lure was unmatched to any thing else in the world. Phew, quite ravenous, what say?

Female Erogenous Zones

2009-09-10T14:14:00.000-07:00

An erogenous zone is an extremely sensitive area of the body. The stimulation of these erogenous zones leads to the sexual arousal of both men and women, usually in the penis and clitoris.

The sensitivity of these erogenous zones differs from person to person and also from one body part to another.

Men and their awareness of female erogenous zones

A man needs to sexually explore his partner’s erogenous zones if he wishes to arouse her before initiating intercourse. If the woman is not sexually aroused, her sexual experience will prove to be unsatisfying for her, and in turn, negatively affect the male too.

Instead, men should pay attention to those areas of a woman’s body - by stroking and caressing them – for her to achieve a more intense orgasm. The foreplay is just as an important part of sex as the intercourse; hence it’s of paramount importance that a man knows about the woman’s erogenous zones to meet her needs.

It’s a well known fact that men climax faster than women. It can be a difficult task for a man to steer a woman towards an orgasm with just intercourse alone. Stimulating the woman’s erogenous zones will help to make sex more pleasurable for both parties.

The neck as an erogenous zone

The female neck is a naturally sensitive area of the body. In fact, this entire area between the shoulder and her ear is tailor made for easy stimulation. Just a light massage of this area with the tongue or by lightly kissing the length and breadth of this area will sexually arouse the woman. The back of a woman’s neck is also sensitive and receptive to light caressing.

Her hands as an erogenous zone

The soft skin of the hands and inner arms are extremely sensitive to stimulation. A light massage or light stroking of the hands will more often than not lead to an arousal in women. At times, vigorous kneading or butterfly kisses can bring about a vaginal or clitoral orgasm. The sensitivity of the hands will differ amongst women and is dependant on the nature of the skin.

Her ears as an erogenous zone
A gentle sucking of the ear lobes is sensitive for many women. If a man continues with this sensual action for a steady amount of time it can lead to the woman’s sexual arousal. Women will also find soft breathing into the ear to be a highly pleasure-inducing.

Her feet as an erogenous zone
Feet have a large concentration of nerve endings, specifically in the toes and the sole of the foot. The sucking or licking of feet induces sexual arousal by stimulating these nerves. Stimulation of the feet will release seductive pheromones leading to a heightened sense of sexual arousal. The sucking of toes is an activity enjoyed by many women, which men often indulge in to galvanize the sexual experience as a whole.

Inner Thighs as an erogenous zone
Inner thighs are also quite a sensitive erogenous zone, but most men might not offer it the attention this zone deserves for its close proximity to the vagina. Stroking of the inner thighs is one of the easiest ways of inducing sexual arousal in a woman. Moreover, this region is so sensitive that very little effort is needed to bring the woman to a state of sexual arousal.

A deeply satisfying sexual activity is a result of the erogenous zones being properly stimulated. Also, the stimulation of these zones brings the 2 individuals closer as the female is made to feel that the male is not interested in just interested in his pleasure alone and wants the woman to enjoy the sexual experience as well.

Passionate Kiss

2009-09-03T06:59:00.000-07:00

The kiss is the single most intimate display of affection. The kiss is the key that opens the door to both her heart, and her body. It has been found that most women based their decision of whether they would sleep with a man, on his kissing abilities.

Most men if given a chance to kiss a woman thinks while kissing that when can we get to step two? And three and four? Is she aroused yet? Can I put my hand on her breast now?

A man sees kissing as the next step on a quest. Many men take kissing as a step to get down to the good stuff. As a result, they rush through the kissing and do not get to fully enjoy the delightfulness of a long, passionate, kiss.

Actually the kiss is not a step, it is the the destination itself. A man kisses a woman like he will never do anything else with this woman, as if he never wants to do anything else with this woman. But this is when the woman decides there will be other activities on the agenda.

You want to be a great kisser? Then keep it simple and sexy. Forget about impressing her with that heavenly kiss. Instead, indulge yourself in a simple, sexy and intimate kiss. Rid your mind of any kissing performance thoughts, and instead, realize that she's opening the door to her soul and body. Enjoy the moment!

If eyes tell the sectrets of a person, then lips are the informers of our consciousness. Our lips respond to happy thoughts by smiling, they express our deepest emotions with words of love and hope ,and kissing is the only way to say something that words can't.

A first kiss!! It should always be done while the two of you are alone.(Do I need to tell that?)

This will help to avoid any unnecessary nervousness and embarrassing situations.The best type of kiss is one that uses different variations...such as starting with a small kiss, working into a French kiss, maybe sucking on your partner's upper or lower lip...

And don't just leave kisses to the lips. Kiss the whole face. This can be very seductive and romantic.

Kissing is an art form. The kissing experience is different for each of us.The first step to kissing is known as finding her comfort level. Make sure she is ready for a kiss and do not start anything until she is comfortable.

The best kisses are those that are memorable, but leave you pantingly wanting more. The language of a kiss is communication without words. At various times you want to communicate attraction, affection, love, passion, lust, and I'll miss you, baby. Pay attention to what your mate responds to, and what seems to turn him or her off, then adjust your techniques accordingly.

Kiss Her

2009-08-27T14:51:00.000-07:00

While kissing keep your lips slightly parted when your lips meet, and press gently against his/her lips. A slight angle at one side to your head will assist you for not getting your noses in the way. What do you do next?

It depends. If it's just a little kiss, a peck on the lips, move away but (this is very important) don't move away all of a sudden, as if you were disgusted by his/her kiss! Just move away slowly, maybe while still holding hands, and looking in his/her eyes.

Kissing is not limited to lips. Don't only kiss the lips. Kiss all the parts of the face. Kiss his/her eyes, cheeks, forehead, neck, and hands. Remember ‘he’ must watch out that ‘she’ is comfortable. Then she will be more relaxed, and will appreciate your kiss if it's sincere. Beware! She'll definitely notice if it's fake. Finally, imagination is all yours.

Something about breathe. If you want to ruin a perfect kiss then bad breath is your best possible solution. Now no need to say that you should avoid spicy foods, garlic and onions just before. If you want to eat then another solution is make sure you're both eating spicy food, so neither will notice.

Before going out on your date, make sure you brush your teeth. Mint also can help you. If you are going to eat before the actual kiss, make sure you have a mint on hand to take right after you finish eating. You don't want to have something in your mouth when you kiss.

Slightly moist lips are also good. Run your tongue over your lips once before you kiss. And don't wear a lot of lipstick unless you want your partner to wear it too after the kiss. Slightly moist lips makes it easier to move your lips over your partner's and gives both you and your partner a more pleasant experience.

Smoking: Take my word! Non-smokers simply hate kissing a smoker! You might be tense, but don't snigger during or after you kiss. The other person won't understand it's nervous laughter. He or she will think that you were laughing at him/her!

Stand close to your partner. As the two of you move closer together tilt your head slightly. If you can see which way your partner's head is tilting, tilt your head slightly in the opposite direction.

Now something for eyes. Keep them closed once you are into the kiss. You might want to keep them open until you have actual lip contact, so you don't miss and end up with a mouthful of ear. But when the kiss has started, eyes closed is the way to go. It can really help you shut out the world and focus only on the kiss.

Also, kissing with your eyes open can weird out a guy, if he happens to catch you doing it. It is considered, as guys who kiss with their eyes open are usually thinking of something else besides you. If you catch your partner kissing with eyes wide, be careful - he might not be good boyfriend material.

Something for the climax! Open your mouth slightly and place your lips over your partner's lips. Do not hold your breath! Breathe through your nose. As your lips meet, press them gently over your partner's. You may wish to move your lips in a slow, circular motion or just leave them still over your partners.

If it is your first time then to make it a great first time kiss or if you are nervous you can kiss with closed lips. This is something like the type of kiss you'd give your grandma or aunt. Instead of opening your mouth when your lips meet, keep them closed. This is also a good way of letting your partner know this is as far as it goes. It also makes a great hello/good-bye kiss.

Hands also play an important role in a great kiss. There are many ways you can use your hands during a kiss. The most popular way is to put one hand on your partner's waist and the other one against the middle of their back.

One of very romantic ways is to use your hands to cup your partner's face in your hands. You can put them around your partner's neck or put them around their waist. You can also hold your partner's upper or lower arms gently, run your finger's through their hair, or just hold their hands in yours.

Finally the main weapon, the LIPS. Keep your lips soft and gentle. Also you can think of kissing something very tender while kissing. Practice is very important. Now where to practice? You can practice on the back of your hand! There are long kisses, and there are kisses made up of a whole bunch of short, gentle little kisses. Let your partner take the lead if you are not sure which way the kiss is going.

When you are in the middle of the kiss, concentrate on feeling the friction between your lips and his/her, the electricity when the surface of your lips and his/her match up, and how each of you are moving your lips in rhythm with each other. Getting out of your head and focusing totally on the physical sensation of the kiss can add some real power and sensuality to your kissing.

Variety of Kisses

2009-08-20T08:21:00.000-07:00

There are many kisses that one could think of. And all of them meant different things to different people. Let’s have a look at these types of kisses with kissing positions and techniques.

Angel Kiss
This is a sweet, comforting kiss. You could practice this by gently and ever so lightly kiss your partner either on the eyelid or right next to the eyes. Most effective for girls of all ages!

Cheek Kiss
A friendly, "I really like you" kiss. Often this is the preferred kissing method of a first date. With your hands on your partner's shoulders, gently brush your lips across her cheek.

Butterfly Kiss
With your faces less than a breath away, open and close your eyelids against your partners. If done correctly, the fluttering sensation will match the one in your heart.

Freeze Kiss
Experiment with this fun kiss. Put a small piece of ice in your mouth, then open mouth and kiss your partner, passing them the ice with your tongue. It's an erotic and sensual French kiss with a twist of cold.

Eskimo Kiss
With your faces less than a breath apart, gently rub your noses together. I found this one to be really funny!

Earlobe Kiss
Gently sip and suck the earlobe. Avoid louder sucking noises as ears are sensitized noise detectors. The se could be really enticing!

French Kiss
French kissing involves the tongue. Some call this the "Soul Kiss" because the life and soul are thought to pass through the mouth's breath in the exchange across tongues.

Forehead Kiss
The "motherly" kiss or "just friends" kiss. The forehead kiss can be a comforting kiss to anyone. Simply brush your lips lightly across the crown of their head.

Foot Kiss
An erotic and romantic gesture. It may tickle, but relax and enjoy it! To give a toe kiss by gently suck the toes and then lightly kissing the foot. It helps to gently massage the base of the foot while performing the kiss.

Hickey Kiss
The object is not to draw blood, but to gently leave a mark that will prove your interlude was not a dream. This is often included in erotic foreplay.

Hand Kiss
Gently raise her hand to your lips. Lightly brush your lips across the top of her hand.
Historically this kiss was performed with a bow, which showed deference to a lady.

Hot / Cold Kiss
Get a cold drink and put some in your mouth. Have your partner gets a hot drink and puts some in their mouth. You then French kiss leaving a sensational feeling.

Letter Kiss
Send your lover a kiss in a love letter by writing the letter x several times in a row at the bottom of a letter such as xxxx.

Mistletoe Kiss
Surprise your lover by capturing them with a gentle holiday kiss under the mistletoe.
This is also a good method for shyer individuals to steal a kiss from a potential lover.

Neck Kiss
Come up behind the person you want to kiss. Lightly lick the back of their neck, then kiss the back of their neck a few times.

Sex and the Kiss

2009-08-14T09:44:00.000-07:00

Sexually, guys take the act of kissing grossly for granted. They forget that the mouth can get quite inviting and can be used for a multitude of reasons. More often than not men take it that if a woman has to smooch him tightly, she means that she would instantly like to go to bed with him.

Even amongst teenagers, guys generally take it that to get a woman agree to his whims and fancies, he needs to get extremely closer to her mouth, it is only then can he get his hands all over her.

But then there are those unfortunate people who are truly bad kissers and possibly to make up for their lack of kissing prowess that they take sex too seriously. Probably a case of the sub-conscious playing on! Many men and women when questioned came along with much the same answers, that they’ve yet to master the art of kissing. There are several kinds of kisses I gather.

Some soft, others intimate, some called butterfly kisses and others wet and deep. The way to kiss a person is probably the last thing that parents might teach their children, so peers have to either learn it from the movies or from their friend’s circle. And we all know that half knowledge is dangerous, and even more so if its not been experimented upon.

Talking about the kinds of kisses in general, its interesting that sans words, kisses can mean a lot, of course where you might get kissed is quite a different story altogether.

Types of Kisses
We’ll start with the ordinary cute small kiss, that you might have received from your mom, while tucking you in bed. Then comes the teary kiss, during emotional moments, that’s slightly longer than the peck you received last night. Followed by which is the nervy kiss for first time lovers.

The French kiss I am sure needs no introduction, the wet and messy entangling of feelings that mean that there’s more to the story than just lip locking.

Close to the heels of this type of kiss is the cannibalistic kiss, the one with bruises, or love bites as it were. These are kisses with a deliberate action of hurting, oops, sorry bruising your loved one, leaving what may experience as a slight sweet feeling pain either on the nape of your neck or close to your ear. These are perhaps two of the most famous places, simply because of the network of sensitized veins that can play havoc with your mental faculties.

Another type of the kiss, quite similar to the cannibalistic kiss is the suffocating one. Here of course along with the bruises that are a default package, you also have two people infuriatingly gasping for breath! Of course this sort of a kiss can be rather suffocating, and a bit dangerous like the French kiss with the saliva passing on any type of infection to the other including the HIV.

The suffocating kiss as I would term it, has three phases. (You may seek to disagree but I guess I could not have broken up this into a more explicit description!) One is the inquisitive phase where you are trying to search for places within each other’s mouth for an enhanced feeling of ecstasy.

The second is the overpowering, emotional and pacing kisses almost not letting the other one breathe, and the third phase releases the grasp as it were, and easing the breath of each other, yet prolonging the action into a great, wet and intoxicating kiss! Phew! I said it at last! I really wish I could give you a better description, but then this is the best what I could manage. Go ahead, indulge…. Make love not war!

Truths About Men

2009-08-06T18:49:00.000-07:00

1. I don't want to talk about it. I want to figure it out.

2. When you ask me what's on my mind and I say "nothing," I really mean nothing.

3. I'd appreciate it if you left the bathroom door closed while you wee. Yes, we're comfortable around each other, but do we need to be that comfortable?

4. Brazilian wax. Me like.

5. I will deny this to the death in front of my friends, but I love it when you grab my hand while we're queuing at the movies.

6. I know when you're faking it.

7. I like it when other men check you out, but not the other way around.
Yes, this is a double standard.

8. Never utter the words "penis" and "cute" in the same sentence. Even if the penis in question is not mine.

9. I want kids, but I have no interest in not being the single most important thing in your life. Tell me: do you think this is going to be problematic?

10. I worry about our finances about 30 times a day - so there's no need to keep reminding me.

11. Don't expect me to sing along with you in the car. It's not, um, manly.

12. I like a girl who drinks beer out of the bottle.

13. I love the occasional "I WANT YOU" text message. Send me one - right now.

14. Would it kill you to wear something with pockets? I don't want to carry around your lipstick and wallet all night long.

15. I thoroughly enjoy watching large men stand in a ring and beat the tattoos off each other. Fighting with you? Not so keen on that.

16. A holiday with your parents is about as enjoyable for me as... never mind, you know this one already.

17. Can we please give our children normal names? Apple is not a name. It's a fruit.

18. If you allow me to be my endearingly odd, occasionally twisted self around you, I'll always be there.

19. It's really refreshing when you can laugh at yourself. It also means that you're not laughing at me.

20. Your bum looks fine in those jeans. And even if it didn't, you wouldn't hear it from me.

Try Anything

2009-07-29T20:49:00.000-07:00

Well, almost anything (bestiality and experimentation with power tools are two no-nos that spring to mind). "New ideas and information are the lifeblood to keeping a long-term sexual relationship thriving. "Ask yourself questions about what you want to do differently: do you want it dirtier, sweeter, kinkier, more passionate, more often?

Grab a pen, some paper and your partner, and each write down six things you've always dreamt of trying - straddling him in your f**k-me boots for example - and put them in a jar beside your bed. If you both write big and little thrills, you can start off dipping your toe in the water so it's not a huge leap from missionary on Wednesday night to you purring in a Catwoman suit by Saturday. "Don't rush through them, one new practice a month is usually doable for most people.

If you need inspiration, there's a $12 billion-dollar adult entertainment industry out there to inspire an ache between your thighs. Reading erotic fiction is a great shortcut to discovering what gives you a dirty mind. Next time he's on the X-box, spend an hour on wicked words to see what we mean.

And it's a myth that women aren't turned on by visual stimulation: a Stanford University, US, study found that women get massively turned on just two minutes into an erotic flick. Google "porn for women" and you'll see we want a hard-on as much as he does. When you've found something you fancy, write it on a note for the jar, suggesting you play it in the background while he does you from behind (so you can both watch the screen) or re-enact certain positions or ideas from the scene.

Saying the words

Why is it that we can express our need for him to take the garbage out but not what we really want in bed? How do you tell him you want him to dress up like a pirate of the Caribbean? According to sex educator Dr Catherine Hood, timing is everything. "Pick a time when you're both in a good mood, maybe just after you've had sex or on a Saturday morning lie-in. Use ‘I' statements, such as ‘I've always wanted to try tying you to the bed with my scarves', or ‘I would love you to tell me what you're doing to me while you're doing it (AKA talking dirty)'."

Then the focus shifts onto what you want. Using "we" also helps in subtly suggesting new things: "Why don't we have a dirty night in on Thursday? We could try reading out loud from that erotic book I bought..." If you feel nervous about how he may react to your fantasy, reframe it as a dream you had last night. Essentially what you're trying to do is open the lines of communication to find out what you're both really into.

The key to truly satisfying sex is to start asking questions about your partner's fantasies and risqué side. "One of the biggest mistakes you can make is to assume you know everything about your partner's sexuality," says Dr Hood. "I've seen couples who have been together for years and not communicated their true desires, because they're embarrassed or simply assume their partner would never want to try it." Just ask, suggests Dr Morrissey.

"Be upfront about your desires. If there's something you want to experiment with, pick a time and say it. Have an agreement not to shame or belittle each other. If your partner takes the risk of exposing a sexual desire, they are really opening themselves up to you, so treat it with respect."

Get down

You know the drill: kiss, kiss, lick, nibble, tickle, screw. Most of us have the same sex in the same bed at the same time. Fine sometimes, but for the rest of your life? Not so much. A study from the University of Chicago of more than 26,000 men and woman in 29 countries found men the world over are more satisfied with their sex lives than women.

What's going on? "Men are solution focused, they like patterns and certainty and that is the same for sex," Brett McCann from the Australian Society of Sex Educators, Researchers and Therapists explains. "Which means they're happy to stick with what they know works, especially if they know it leads to orgasm - yours and theirs."

The fact is that better sex leads to more sex, and that's good for both of you. Thigh-shaking sex doesn't just mean him spending more time pleasuring you (though that's one part we dig); you should also make the effort to find new erogenous zones on your partner: lick, suck, kiss and gently bite the inside of his biceps, his wrists, backs of his knees or his arse cheeks.

"Simply trying something new will encourage him to try something new," says McCann. It's win-win, and the chances are, if you could do with a new way to get your rocks off, he probably could too.

Best Sex You've Never Had (part 2)

2009-07-22T17:39:00.000-07:00

General practice

Aussies are having sex 106 times a year, or roughly twice a week, according to the 2006-2007 Durex Sexual Wellbeing Global Survey. And, if you're in a LTR you'll know that "roughly" is the key word here. It's OK to have ebbs and flows, but too little sex just ain't good for you.

For starters, the health benefits of doing it more often are well documented: you'll look four to seven years younger, improve your immune system, decrease your chances of cancer and heart disease, trim your waistline (burning between 630 to 2100 kilojoules per session) and decrease stress.

Plus the sensation of touch can alleviate depression. And putting it back on the agenda can also keep you from Splitsville. "When two partners are confident, adventurous and secure in themselves and each other, in and out of the bedroom, they develop a sense of deep security through trust and communication, so they feel desired and desirable," says Dr Gabrielle Morrissey, sexologist and author of Spicy Sex.

"And when you're both satisfied and happy with your sex life it means you go out into the world lovers and allies. After all, that's what keeps you both hot for each other." So don't kid yourself it's OK to drop the sex ball permanently.

Shake up the routine

There was a time when you were so hot for each other you'd skip Underbelly and do intriguing things with Mars bars. But it's like any routine: do it enough and you'll learn to use shortcuts. "Couples develop a sexual road map to what turns each other on," explains Dr Morrissey. "But sex can get boring when you make love the same way, over and over."

The good news is you don't have to flip your sexual style 180 degrees. Arndt says that even the act of writing a sex diary started up a sex discussion among the couples who participated in research for her book and that was often the thing that fixed the problem. The trick is to maintain the affection and, yes, the groping outside of the bedroom.

"Every sexual activity is as valuable as penetrative sex - foot massages, hair stroking while watching TV, brushing up against each other in the kitchen all work to fire up the libido," says Dr Morrissey.

And that also means shifting sex (and that doesn't mean just shagging) away from the bedroom, as according to Dr Morrissey, doing it in new places means your body is less likely to follow familiar routines. So if you're having early morning sex in a tent on a camping trip, getting bent over the kitchen bench, or he secretly has his hand in your undies at a dinner party, it's hard to follow set bedroom routines.

Best Sex You've Never Had

2009-07-17T21:21:00.000-07:00

You'd think the more time you spend sleeping with the same man, the more adventurous you'd both get. But the sexual landscape of most relationships actually shrinks as comfort sets in.

According to experts, changes begin between two months and two years in - when you start seeing other sides of your partner.

By this point you've discovered his penchant for watching Babylon 5 in his Y-fronts, and he's seen how you wind up after one too many chardonnays. Neither are pretty, and both can kill sexual chemistry.

The recent controversy of sex therapist Bettina Arndt's - an exposé of the bedroom lives of 98 couples - not only backed up the idea that Aussie couples are doing it less often, but laid most of the blame at our side of the bed.

Arndt's conclusion? Women simply need to say "Yes" more often. Truth is, we'd all like ruder, tinglier, rip-my-knickers-off-right-now sex. But, as the years go by it seems less likely that it'll happen with the same man you share a mortgage with. The good news is you don't have to run off with the Kings of Leon to get your fantasy sex life. We grilled the experts on how to get wetter than Niagara Falls (again) with the guy you already love.

Once upon a time you wanted to ease his jockeys down with your teeth; now you're pegging them on the washing line. You know what they say about familiarity. According to Esther Perel, a New York couples therapist, love thrives on security, familiarity and intimacy, but carnal desire blossoms on uncertainty, insecurity, mystery, longing and absence. But how do you create lust in between bitching about your day at work?

Perel says the best time to fall in lust with your partner is when you're observing him at a distance, like when he's jogging up the beach with his surfboard, playing guitar, or being flirted with by a hot redhead at your cousin's wedding. Next time you're at a party together watch him from a distance.

Notice the way he talks to other people, the way other women warm to him, the way he glances over to make sure you're not being cornered by his creepy uncle. Or check him out while he's at soccer practice. "It's when you bring new energy back into the relationship that desire keeps flourishing," says Perel. "Introducing emotional space and excitement creates tension and leaves us feeling vulnerable, which fuels the lust."

Flirty Boyfriend

2009-07-09T08:48:00.000-07:00

Even when part of a couple, it may sometimes be hard to quash the flirty behaviour one used to their advantage while single. If your man has a habit of being overly-popular with the ladies, Ive got tips on helping you confront him and deal with it.

Recognize if he’s actually a flirt.
Flirting is in the eye of the beholder; how would you define it? If your man merely glances in a woman’s direction, don’t bother making a big deal.

He’s a guy, after all; plus, we’re sure you’ve glanced at your fair share of men, too! Flirting actually involves talking and maybe touching another woman in a certain manner, so be sure you know what you’re accusing your guy of before you say anything.

See if he’s overstepping any lines.
If your man is the flirty type and enjoys chatting with other women, establish whether his behaviour is innocent or not. If he’s deliberately flirting with other women in front of you or is actually showing romantic or sexual interest in his conversations or mannerisms, then you have a right to be upset.

Figure out if it truly bothers you. Some women may be cool with a flirty boyfriend, since all it may imply is that he’s a very sociable person. For some—no matter if the flirting is innocent or not—it may just bring out underlying jealousy and insecurities.

Tell him how you feel. If the flirting is innocent on his part, he may not even realize he’s doing anything wrong or upsetting you. But if his behaviour makes you uncomfortable, it’s important that you let him know.

Find out why he’s flirting.
If his flirting isn’t above suspicion, ask yourself this: are there any problems in your relationship that may hint at why your guy is flirting with other women? He may not be getting something from you—attention, compassion, love—that he is subtly seeking elsewhere. Talk it out.

Establish guidelines.
Once you’ve discussed your issues with his flirting, decide what happens next: does he have stop lest he lose you for good? Or do you let him continue with a few ground rules (no touching, no flirting in your presence, etc.), knowing that he doesn’t mean any harm? You need to make a decision that works best for the two of you as a couple; don’t say you’re cool with his talking to other women if you actually are not.

Try your hand at it.
If you both decide the flirting is nothing but harmless fun, why not join your guy in his game? Go to a party, go your separate ways, and innocently flirt with different people following any above-mentioned guidelines that you may have established.

Be sure, however, to keep things flirty but platonic; you don’t want to lead anyone on and make them think you’re going home with them!) Exchange faraway smiles with your guy throughout and, by night’s end, meet up and head out. This could leave you both giddy with excitement, which may actually be good for your relationship.

Online Dating Tips

2009-06-26T09:52:00.000-07:00

Online dating is a fast growing social networking tool that can open your world to a myriad of relationship possibilities.

Meeting someone new is challenging, especially if you have recently moved, graduated from college, or gone through a divorce. Here are quick tips appropriate for anyone trying their hand at online dating.

1. Know thyself

Are you looking to just spend some time entertaining yourself in chat rooms? Looking for someone to hang out with on the weekends? Seeking a one night stand? Trying to find Mr. or Ms. Right? Determine your goals for online dating and stick to them - otherwise you might hurt the feelings of others or find yourself scraping up the pieces of another failed relationship.

2. Use your network

Online dating sites and chat rooms are standard tools for people of all walks of life looking for love or a little fun. Ask your friends what sites have worked for them in the past. Trust the opinions of those you already know rather than choosing a service at random.

3. Start slow

There is no need to rush into taking the next step with online dating. Spend as much time in the chat room or talking on the phone as you want - make sure you're ready to meet face-to-face to create a good experience for the both of you.

4. Be totally honest

If you want a successful online dating experience, then be truthful. Don't lead people on, and show self respect by disclosing things that are honest. It can be tempting and easy to embellish online, but this does not bode well for the relationship - whether casual or serious.

5. Prioritize your preferences

Online dating can be daunting since it allows you to search through millions of potential matches. Try to limit the number of people you contact and respond to at first. If you focus on just a few people, sincere relationships can be established and nurtured.

6. Don't believe everything you see or read

If he or she sounds too good to be true, it's very possible that you're looking at a bad egg. Take your time getting to know someone. Check their story. If you have arrived to the point where personal information has been revealed, there are ways you can verify details. If a person claims they work at the local community college, you can check the phone directory for their name. Public record is a valuable resource!

7. Remember courtesy in the chat room

Just because you are in a chat room does not mean you should say everything you think or feel. Stop and consider - if this person was sitting across from you in a restaurant, would you say the same thing you just typed? If your words would be uncomfortable in person, then think of something else to say.

8. Online dating services are a good investment

It is a good idea to invest in you! There are many online dating services that charge a membership fee. Considering that people who are willing to pay for a service might be more serious about who they are and what they want - leading to better relationships.

9. Be available

Don't have access to the internet everyday? This might cause problems in the online dating world. Those who try this method of socialization like to think they'll receive quick responses. Be available, consider setting aside a specific time to spend in the chat room, and respond to emails in a timely fashion. Otherwise, you might find your potentials losing interest.

10. Protect yourself

When you've gathered your confidence and found somebody you want to meet face-to-face, remember that you don't know what to expect. Meet in a public place. Drive your own car so that you can maintain control of your environment, and leave if you feel uncomfortable. Even if the first date leads to a second, or third, keep in mind that you've only just met, and there is no need to rush.

Dating Advice

2009-06-16T19:31:00.000-07:00

Last year Thomas Enraght-Moony the Ceo of Match told the Times Online, "There are 93m single people in America - only 3m use online dating services." Those numbers have grown considerably since last year but not anywhere near ninety three million.

But no matter how you look at it, life is good right now for the online dating industry. By the end of this year internet dating is projected to gross over one billion dollars in revenue.

So it seems kind of strange that so many people report having no luck when it comes to meeting someone in cyberspace. There could be a myriad of reasons for this but key make or break element that can determine success is the profile photo. Sure the words you write may be beautifully written and totally heartfelt but like the old saying goes a picture is worth a thousand words.

So to increase your chances of success here are some suggestions to help with your overall internet dating strategy.

1. Dress Up

No you don't have to put on clothes that make you look like you just stepped out of some glossy fashion magazine (although it would not hurt your chances any) but don't look to be so down to earth in your approach that you come off looking slovenly. The whole point is you are trying to make a good and lasting impression so dress accordingly.

2. No Brooding

Yes it's a given that you are trying to keep it real. You have never been a phony so putting up a photo showing you with a fake smile is not your style. Besides if your online dating prospects are the "real deal" they will like and respect what they see.

Maybe they will. More than likely they won't. Unless you are a rap artist trying to sell your latest CD or a direct descendant of James Dean, go ahead and post a photo of you smiling.

You are not in a bad mood all the time are you? If so then the last thing you should be getting into is online dating. Worried about it looking insincere? Then think of some things that make you happy just before the picture is taken. It's not necessary to have all thirty two teeth showing to make a nice impression. A pleasant genuine smile can work wonders.

3. Who's Da Haps?

Okay, you're looking good. You are dressed sharply without over doing it and the smile on your face is sincere without looking like an advertisement for the American Dental Society. Now take that photo with you in your element; surrounded by some good looking people of the opposite sex.

Hold it. This is one of those common mistakes that you see over and over again when it comes to online dating photos. It's not a problem if you are on social networking sites but for internet dating it sends out a couple of messages:

- We got a player here

- If they have got it like that why are they doing online dating?

They maybe just friends or an ex but whoever they are get rid of that picture and take a new one with only you. This is not a group personal ad. If you want to show a picture of you with your favorite pet then so be it. But the only human that should be in the picture is you.

Sure online dating should be easy. After all the abundance of people you have to choose from is unmatched by anything in the offline world. But like anything in this world, to succeed you must have the right approach. Improving your online photo is one way to do just that.

Meet The Man Of Your Dreams

2009-06-04T20:47:00.000-07:00

We know. Frankly, you're exhausted. You're sick of dating, you can't meet anyone you really like and it feels like the world is overrun with an endless number of women all clamouring for the same single guy.

But statistically it can't possibly be true, unless there was a government-sponsored experiment that created a run on girl babies some 30 to 40 years ago. The men are out there, but in your post-bar years you have to be creative to find them.

If you wanted a job, you would go out there and work until you found a job. If you wanted a house, you would look until you found the perfect house. You have to do the same to find a mate," she says. "The men are in the same boat. They're thinking, 'I'm older, I have a great house, I have a great car, I want children, but I'm not meeting anyone.' But you're not going to find anyone if you're sitting at home watching television."

Here are five fresh ideas to help you find the gent you've been waiting for.

Mentoring programs
Mentoring programs like Big Brothers and Big Sisters are a great way to meet quality guys while doing something good for a kid in need. Selfish jerks don't generally choose to hang out with a fatherless or troubled kid, so you know their heart is in the right place. Programs differ across the country; there are often group events like picnics and weekends away when all the mentors and their charges get together. Of course, mentoring a vulnerable kid is a big responsibility and requires time commitment, so be sure you're not in it just for the potential decent-men factor.

Get a dog
A charming pup is the ultimate guy magnet. It turns you into a regular visual presence in your neighbourhood (all the better for the handsome locals to notice you) and brings you into regular contact with other dog owners and, everyone's favourite, cute veterinarians.

"I knew a lady who actually went and bought a dog so she could meet this veterinarian she was interested in,". It worked. They dated and had a child. (No word on how the dog felt about the addition.) That said, a dog is a big responsibility, but you can always borrow one if you can't manage your own (plus walking a dog is good exercise). Take a friend's pup out, or sign up with your local animal shelter or humane society to be a volunteer. Ellen Roer joined a program where she would walk dogs that were being trained to be bomb detectors or seeing-eye dogs. "I did it a little bit to meet men," she admits sheepishly. "People would see their tiny jackets that said Explosive Detection Dog and it was kind of a magnet."

Political and community groups
You don't have to sign your life away to a government party to be political. Every city has local civic groups that organize around particular issues or ongoing political interests. You'll meet men who care about the world and who clearly aren't unintelligent, unengaged lumps. "When you meet someone in an atmosphere that isn't a meat market, you're talking about a topic of substance and you can see how they interact with others," says Diane Mapes, the author of How to Date in a Post-Dating World. "Are they combative? Do they have charm? Do they seem trustworthy?" One hint: Try to stay away from civic groups focused around kids' issues. Chances are, those guys are married.

Spiritual organizations
The majority of single Canadians aren't regular church-goers, so you think the old saw "Why don't you meet a nice guy at church?" won't really work for you. But if you have a religious bent or connection to a particular community, it might actually work. Jaishree Bruder, a Hindu, unexpectedly met her husband-to-be at a ritual workshop. "I had actually gone with the full intention that this would just be about me; it wouldn't be about meeting men or any distractions like that," she laughs. "I asked him to marry me that night." For Bruder, in addition to the flying sparks, there was the important fact that they already shared core beliefs. "If you can't find somebody that syncs with you, it will cause trouble down the road."

Be specific online
Online dating is no secret, but you may have better luck joining one of the growing list of niche sites, rather than choosing from the smorgasbord of completely inappropriate men you meet on the larger ones. "Guys on the big sites just take a scattershot approach," says Mapes. "They automatically send an email to every single breathing girl. For most women, it's like romantic spam. They may as well be saying "Enlarge your penis" or "Buy vinyl siding".

These days, there is a huge array of specified dating sites - everything from horse lovers to single parents to people who are into country dancing - and a narrower pool of men who share your specific interests or goals.

Of course, if none of these tactics work for you, you can always buy a motorcycle.

"I knew a lady in her fifties who bought a Harley Davidson to meet men," recounts Claramunt. "She joined a motorcycle club and she loves it. "

And yes, she did meet a man.

Talk About Fllirting

2009-05-27T21:11:00.000-07:00

Why are some people better at flirting than others? When it goes wrong, it can be awkward and sometimes offensive. But when there's that spark of connection, flirting provides a lot of ego-boosting bang for your buck.

There are common signs of flirting: raised eyebrows, nodding, smiling, eye contact, physical contact. It sounds simple, but sometimes it can get complicated. We talked to men of all ages to find out what they had to say about flirting. And we gathered a couple of cringe-worthy stories, too.

What makes you flirt with a woman?
Her eyes. If she looks at me in a certain way, I know she's a flirt. Like she wants me to notice her. That's not a bad thing, it's a great thing.

- Joe, 29

Nothing makes me do it, it just happens naturally if I like her, as a friend or as romantic potential.

- Mo, 32

If I'm in a good mood and I get a good energy from a woman, then I'll flirt with her. But I don't think I'm a big flirt. I've had a few massive failures.

- Andy, 38

How do you flirt?
I touch her somewhere. I mean on the arm or hand or back! If I want to touch her, then I'm flirting with her.

- Marcus, 36

Try to make her laugh. If you can make a woman laugh, it's a good starting place.

- Tony, 42

When she's smiling a lot, but also looking away. That's a good sign.

- Peter, 44

How can you tell when a woman is flirting with you?
You can just tell. It goes both ways, right? Women can tell when we're flirting with them, so it's the same for us. There's a connection or a shared joke or you're attracted to each other. It isn't always about sex. Sometimes it's about platonic chemistry.

- John, 52

When a woman looks you in the eye and smiles a lot - but that could also mean she's just friendly. It can be confusing sometimes to know the difference. Just so women know, men think that too.

- Mo, 32

Do you think flirting crosses a line if you're in a relationship?
Not if it's not sexual. I flirt with everyone, not because I'm attracted to everyone, but it just comes naturally. I don't even think it's flirting, really. Just being friendly. Especially to beautiful women. But I do flirt with everyone, if I have a girlfriend or not.

- Peter, 44

No. If I think she's flirting with me first (that doesn't happen too often, I've been married for 30 years), and it seems innocent, then I'm sure I respond in kind. I'm married, not totally oblivious. My wife and I trust each other implicitly, however, and we know what we're doing here.

- John, 52

What's the worst flirting experience you've had? (The following stories are anonymous, rightly so)
I had a few too many pops at a wedding and told a hot bridesmaid who was rather shy that I was going to blow her mind. I just kept saying that over and over again. 'I'm going to blow your mind!' I was trying to impress her, or maybe I was trying to convince her that I would be a good guy to hang out with later. I liked her. Whatever I was doing, she was so embarrassed by it that she left the reception early. I did email her to apologize for being a drunk loser, but she didn't write back.

In university, I had some classic flameouts. My buddies called me the Stingman instead of wingman because I chased women away. Luckily, I met an incredible woman who agreed to marry me! Once I tried to flirt with this girl I had a thing for in my [Geoffrey] Chaucer class by reading my passage with a perfect accent (we had to read aloud with an Olde English dialect every week). Imagine me reading my Chaucer proudly with my perfect accent and my really geeky clothes and, I admit it, I carried a briefcase. I stared at her the whole reading and I think she was totally creeped out by it. Needless to say, nothing happened between us.

How to ask him/her out

2009-05-20T05:27:00.000-07:00

Though this might not be a problem with some but it might pose to be a big problem for many. There is an easy way to do this without it being tough on you or the other person. Follow the following tips.

Don't just offer a generic invitation

'Want to go out with me sometime?' Of course the both of you wanna go out. After all who doesn’t get fed up of monotony! Try avoiding such Rhetorical questions! It makes it really hard for someone to say no. Which you might think is a good thing--but it's not. It sets you up for an evening with someone who doesn't want to be there, who's kicking themselves for not having figured out a way to say no nicely and who might have actually been psyched to date you if only you'd gotten to know them a little first without all the pressure.

Thus DO NOT presume that the other person wants to go out with you. It might just be the other way around hence don't create an awkward situation for you and of course for the other person.

Always ask someone out for a specific thing.

Make it easy on yourself also by making the rendezvous in such a way that you were going to do it anyways. After all natural mannerism always works. Probably because we have seen so many clichés in the world that its only natural for human beings to feel a lot more comfortable to get natural. Like inviting him/her to your house warming party or B'day party or any other party. Another suggestion would be to put all your cards on the table.

Its best if you draw clarity visions before you get to unduly assumptions. Its better to make the most of the situation or else, you might land up making up one. Another good method of invitation would be to invite him/her to some get-together or picnic. This has two benefits; first, you won't be a nervous wreck asking someone out this way.

After all you could be asking them to come along out of friendship. Second, they can say yes, or they can say, 'Sorry, I already have plans, without it being a whole issue. This way you will ensure that you are not embarrassed and also make you know the person a bit more.

Speaking a bit more on this, although it might feel awkward at first to speak to him/her in a crowded place so your initial jitters are also done away with and once you both get used to the noise outside, it would at least help you to get to a more silent zone. Most of the times these zones a re wee bit far away from where you exactly are. So while moving to another seat that time could be utilized to gauge the other’s personality, make yourself a lot more comfortable and also reduce the overall anxiety.

Remember never ask more than once. If the person says no, they say and mean a ‘no’! (Unless they made it clear that they genuinely had a previous commitment and would have been otherwise interested: 'Wow, I love watching Brad Pitt movie and want to be first on your list the next time you get tickets.')

All and all remember given any situation and given any amount of enthusiasm, just go ahead with it, with a firm head on your shoulders. Although this may sound like rocket science at the time of asking, with butterflies roaming around in your stomach; go ahead with some sort of balance.

Dating Asian Ladies- second part

2009-05-12T08:20:00.000-07:00

In Asia, there is no wall dividing sex, dating, marriage and $$-money. Girls are raised in this culture to look at these things together, as one, without the need to separate them out like we do in the west. An attractive girl will likely find a rich husband.

Sexual market value and attractiveness are seen in terms of money. In Asia, this is not seen as a bad thing, or with any judgment. We cannot judge Asian people for mixing love and money so loosely if we are to find happiness here. I prefer to think of it as a more honest and open approach. So don't be surprised if your beloved 'teerak' decides to leave you because you don't have enough money. It is not necessarily that she doesn't love you, just that love and money are not distinguished so clearly here like they are in the west.

The second part of this is to understand that Thai people view westerners as being rich. We will get charged more money for the same services and goods, because the common perception is that we have more money than the Thai people. So even if you are like me, and don't have much money, you will be perceived as rich, and expected to pay and help out, and it is likely, as said before, that a girl might leave you if you don't soon show some ability to generate affluence. I know of situations where the girl was even in love with a guy, but here parents would not allow her to marry him because he did not have enough money or a good job.

Back to rule number one; she will of course listen to and follow her parents first, and 'dump the chump' so to speak in a 'Bangkok second'! It can be a harsh reality here. In this culture you cannot be expecting much success in finding a good wife if you have limited sexual market value (money). That is the cold hard reality. Now we all know of many worthless Thai guys that are 100% supported by the hard working and loyal wife. They spend the days drinking and gambling and whoring, not working, while the wife or girlfriend works to give him money, Strange but quite true. This will not happen with western men. We are farang-foreigners, and as farang are perceived to be rich, a Thai girl would lose face by having a farang boyfriend or husband that was down on his luck so to speak.

Farang are often a status symbol for Thai girls and they are proud to take you back to the village and show you off. Show off the ATM fish they have landed and how they now live the good life. If you cannot play this role and need to pinch every Baht, then your prospects will be limited and short term. In Thailand, it is expected that the man is ready (has $) to have a girlfriend or wife or he shouldn't be trying to date. As I said before, every girl is unique and different. I have had some success with Thai girls while living here while I was dirt poor. They will sometimes be happy to go eat 'street noodles' (15-25 Baht) with you every day, but this is the exception, not the rule and I am sure the parents would not approve and would want their daughter to be dating a man with more money. It is the same situation as in the west or the world for that matter, just a more honest and 'in your face' way of dealing with it.

These two points are the biggies, the short 'must know' list for dating a Thai girl. There are countless other cultural and perceptual differences that can be challenging in day to day life with your teerak (darling), but in my opinion they are less important and generally not 'show stoppers'. In fact, many of these differences you will find to be quite nice. Thai ladies can often be the most attentive and caring mates you will ever meet. In this country, Thai men live like Kings in their house. Thai girls are taught to take care of a man, and groomed from an early age on how to cook, and clean, and fold shirts, and really take care and keep the husband happy.

A few examples I can think of from my previous girlfriends are things like nail clipping or zit popping on your back, or massages. I can't imagine how impossible it would be to get the common American girl to cut your finger and toenails for you, much less pop the zits on your back! I did not know what to say when a former Thai girlfriend started doing these things for me. How many western ladies in this generation actually cook and clean and take of their man? No, they want a maid, or you should cook for them, or take them out to dinner. Not in Thailand, many ladies I have dated were very anxious to show me that they can cook, and when they visit your apartment they will naturally start to clean it up for you and fold your clothes.

I remember a few years ago, walking into the bathroom one morning feeling all groggy from sleep. I walked up to the bathroom sink and started to reach for my toothbrush and noticed it already had toothpaste on it! My teerak had prepared my toothbrush for me so when I woke up it was waiting for me to use. Try to get the common bitchy feminist western girl to do that one. I dare ya! I will stand back a safe distance and watch! No, Thai girls are very smart, they know they will get what they want by being nice, feminine, and taking care of their mans needs.

So I wholeheartedly encourage you to take the plunge and experience what it is like dating a good Thai girl. I would strongly suggest not trying to make a common bargirl into a loyal wife when there are so many nice girls that are dying to meet a good farang man. It is simply not worth the hassle and heartaches, why add more problems to what can already be a challenging situation. So, keep your preconceptions, western ideals, and judgments in check, take a dose of patience, and keep an open mind and I am sure you will not regret it. The ride may be a little bumpy here and there, but it is worth the price of admission.

Dating Asian Ladies

2009-05-07T20:52:00.000-07:00

For those of you who, like me, are attracted to Asian ladies, there are a few things that can help pave the rocky road to a happy and successful relationship.

As with any relationship, there are ups and downs, good times and challenging times, but these fluctuations can appear to be much more dramatic and intense with Asian girls. It can sometimes feel as if we are on a roller coaster. The ride is exhilarating, passionate and rewarding and sometimes painfully sobering.

One thing that can be said is it is not boring! In this first installment, I want to examine and point out some of my observations and experiences with the lovely ladies of Thailand and hopefully help others to navigate this exotic and treacherous path.

Ahh, the thrill and excitement of being in Thailand, the weather is hot, the food is hot, and oh my, the ladies. It has been said that Thai women are the most beautiful ladies in the world. This of course is subjective and that brings me to my first and maybe most important point about dating Thai ladies or any lady for that matter. It is all subjective, personal, and unique. There can be no absolute 'understanding' of Thai ladies. They are all individual, unique and constantly changing. We can discuss some general knowledge about the environment, culture, and common results of how these manifest in the ladies, but we must never forget for one instant that every lady is different.

This cannot be emphasized enough. The moment we start generalizing and placing any person into a box of our own conceptions is the beginning of the end. We will never be dealing directly with the other person but rather dealing only with our own limited preconceptions. While many Thai ladies have some things in common, I have found them to be quite unique individuals and I need to almost throw away everything I thought I had learned before when meeting a new girl. So please keep this in mind and it will help with all of your relationships.

The family. The first thing to understand about Thai girls is the fierce loyalty and service they give to their family. Thai girls, especially the eldest sister are bound to take care of their parents and family in any way they can. As a potential partner we must understand this deep bond and commitment. We will ALWAYS be second, and the family will be first. If we can understand and accept this, it will go a long way towards a successful relationship. To underline this loyalty and desire to repay their parents and take care of the family I like to quote a statement made by a friend of mine who works in the nightlife industry.

To put it into context, I was having a conversation and trying to convince her that she should take a job for less money working at a factory and stop working in the bars. Her reply, without a moment of hesitation was 'My body is not for me, my body is not for a man, my body is for my mother. I must do what I can to take care of my mother. This body is not mine, this body is my mothers.' When I heard this I was floored. I was new to Thailand and Asia and it left me speechless. For all the crazy media hype about girls forced into prostitution and human smuggling, my direct experience from knowing many Thai people is that the mothers are often the biggest pimps, sending their girls to Bangkok, Phuket, Pattaya or other destinations to make money.

These girls often live quite cheaply, saving every Baht so they can send it home to their mothers. Don't take my word for it, come here and interview a few ladies yourself. Anyway, getting back to the topic at hand, this is obviously an extreme example but it illuminates the depth of respect and loyalty that Thai girls have for their family, especially their parents. We can only hope to be second best. We will never be a girls number one concern. If it comes down to a decision either for you or for her family, you will lose every time! Understanding this from the beginning, we can then accept it and make the best of it. This being said, the best way of dealing with this, once you are sure you want to make a commitment to a girl, is to embrace her family 100%. This is a whole other ballgame and beyond the scope of this article, but it can be an adventure to say the least.

The second point that I feel is necessary to understand is money. Asia is not the west. We often forget this and try to apply western ideals and customs in dealing with Asian people. Now I am not talking about prostitutes, massage girls or bar girls here when I say that money is very important to Asian ladies. The so called 'good girls' are also after money. Now now, don't get excited. Remember we cannot apply our limited western preconceptions to life in Asia. The parents will want their girl to marry a man that has enough money, A man that can take care of her and the family. This is displayed in the old Thai tradition of 'Sin sot' or what we would call a dowry.

It is often used as a display of the man's ability to provide and show his wealth, or readiness to marry. I know of many cases where the sin sot was promptly returned to the man, or put into a joint account owned by the couple or where the Thai family provided either land or a house or both. Now before we get all pious, and look down upon Asians for being so materialistic and only wanting us for our money, we need to take a second and think about the average British or American girl. They also want to marry a rich man, but the way of dealing with this is not as blatant, and in my opinion not as 'honest'. Thai girls can be very practical. If we do not put our cultural blinders aside, we can be easily put off and angered by the 'honesty' displayed in this regard.

Things You Don't Know About Love

2009-05-01T16:10:00.000-07:00

1. Love is like chocolate. There's a reason newlyweds can't get enough of each other: Love is a kind of chemical addiction, says Helen Fisher, Ph.D., an anthropologist at Rutgers University, who scours MRI bran scans for the secrets of love.

Falling in love activates the "pleasure" centers of the brain and increases production of the feel-good chemical dopamine, which plays a key role in addictions. And eating chocolate affects the same brain regions, which is why it's hard to stop at one piece of candy. How?

A surge of dopamine is part of a chemical cocktail that boosts your mood and energy levels, and sharpens your ability to focus on -- read: obsess about -- your sweetie. Is it possible to feel that rush even after you've been married for years? Absolutely. "Novelty drives up dopamine too," says Fisher. So you can get a boost from trying something new in the bedroom or ordering takeout Thai food instead of your usual pizza.

2. Your nose knows he's the one. Did you just know he was the man for you? Thank your sense of smell. "Women can sniff out a partner who is a good genetic match for having kids," says James V. Kohl, a clinical laboratory scientist and coauthor of "The Scent of Eros: Mysteries of Odor in Human Sexuality." Kohl and other smell researchers have found that women are instinctively drawn to the scent of men who are genetically different from them, which is a good thing.

"If you choose a partner whose genes are too similar to yours, your children are at an increased risk for health problems," he explains. What draws you to one guy over another is his pheromones, unique chemical by-products of hormone production. Women are especially good at detecting pheromones during ovulation, when our sense of smell is strongest. When you like what you smell, your estrogen levels go up, sparking desire.

3. Marriage doesn't make you crazy -- it keeps you sane. Forget the popular image of the married couple driving each other nuts. "Studies show that getting married improves mental health and decreases depression," says Linda Waite, Ph.D., a sociologist at the University of Chicago and coauthor of "The Case for Marriage."

In fact, one study found that people who've never walked down the aisle are more likely to be admitted to a psychiatric facility. "Many women gain a deep satisfaction from the intimacy found in marriage," says Scott Haltzman, M.D., clinical assistant professor of psychiatry at Brown University. "That sense of belonging bolsters their sense of self-worth and purpose," enhancing their mental stability.

4. Marriage keeps you healthy, too. Saying "I do" isn't just good for your mind. Married people -- even those in less-than-perfect unions -- are physically healthier than those people who aren't married. They have stronger immune systems, better resistance to viruses such as colds and flus, fewer long-term illnesses and disabilities, fewer hospitalizations, better survival rates for the illnesses they do get, and longer life spans -- by up to eight years! Interestingly, though, when it comes to preventing heart disease and strokes, studies have found that being hitched helps only if your relationship is happy. "Your heart knows whether your marriage is good or not," notes Haltzman.

5. It's better to be hitched than rich. What makes people happiest? Being wealthy helps, but it's a solid marriage that seems to rank highest on the smile scale. According to a Dartmouth study, having a good marriage is equal to the satisfaction gained from earning an extra $100,000 a year. So you really can be rich in love.

6. A dad's love runs deep, too. If you think there's nothing more amazing than a dad nuzzling his newborn or walking hand-in-hand with his grade-schooler, you're right: "When a man holds his child, he experiences a very distinct and powerful hormone change," explains Fisher. "We see this in humans and in animals." His levels of testosterone -- a.k.a. the aggression hormone -- go down, while his levels of the connecting hormones oxytocin and vasopressin increase, which triggers bonding by making him crave closeness.

These physiological changes have been around since the dawn of time, but today's fathers are much more hands-on, which actually deepens their attachment to their kids as they grow. A recent survey found that 93 percent of dads with school-age children hug them at least once a week, which is up from 90 percent a decade ago; 60 percent hug them every day. Hugs have a biological benefit, too: They reduce heart rate, blood pressure, and stress hormones, and boost the immune system -- of the hugger and the huggee.

7. Puppy love is powerful. Many studies have found that pets can lower blood pressure and ease loneliness. Now, new research from the University of Missouri-Columbia suggests the hormonal changes that occur when people and dogs interact could counteract depression and stress disorders, too. Just a few minutes of petting Fido causes a release of happy hormones like serotonin and oxytocin, while reducing stress hormone levels. You don't even need your own pooch to reap the benefits, says researcher Rebecca Johnson: "You get them when you pet any dog."

8. Getting busy keeps you young. People who have physical intimacy four to five times a week look more than 10 years younger than those who have physical intimacy twice a week, according to a 10-year study of 3,500 people at the Royal Edinburgh Hospital in Scotland. Why? Experts aren't sure, but they do know from previous research that the testosterone released during climax helps men maintain muscle mass. As for women, the estrogen surge experienced during physical intimacy may make our hair shinier and skin smoother, both signs of youth.

9. Chick flicks turn him on.

Your man may not realize it, and he certainly won't admit it, but this romantic genre is more likely to inspire sensual feelings in him than his favorite action flick, according to a study at the University of Michigan. Researchers there found that watching a romantic movie can boost a guy's progesterone levels by more than 10 percent, increasing his lovey-dovey feelings. Still, getting him to sit through "Bridget Jones's Diary" on DVD may be tricky -- even on Valentine's Day. So rent a chick flick with romantic leanings cloaked in a tough-guy hero. For that, "Casablanca" never fails.

10. Love is a wonder drug. No, really. As if there weren't enough reasons to put on some Barry White, here's more good news about physical intimacy. During a sensual encounter, your body pumps out 200 percent more endorphins (those feel-good chemicals responsible for a runner's high), according to a recent Johns Hopkins University study. Other research has found that physical intimacy relieves headaches and zaps mild depression instantly.

The adrenaline released can act as a natural antihistamine, clearing up the winter snuffles. One study even showed it was 10 times more effective than Valium at giving people a calm, contented feeling. No Rx required!

Hot Date is Just a Click Away

2009-04-26T20:23:00.000-07:00

According to internet media and market research service Nielsen//NetRatings, more than 1.1 million Australians currently use online dating services in Australia, so it's certainly worth throwing a line in the online pond. Here's how to bait your hook and net a time-poor, desire-rich internet lady.

WINDOW-SHOP

"Hunt around and find a site that suits you," says Shimrit Elisar, author of Everyone's Guide To Online Dating. "Some are set up for single parents, some by location and others by hobby or religion."Another good move is to check out the male-to-female ratio before joining.

"Once you've found a few sites you like the look of, sign up for free trials and get searching," says Elisar. We suggest you don't search for the words "mail", "order" or "bride".

GET A WINGWOMAN

"Browse the profile of women you like and make notes about what they're looking for," says dating coach Peter Heskell. "Then find a female friend or relation you trust and together scan about 20 profile of men around your age and note the mistakes they've made, so you can avoid them."

According to Heskell, the top three mistake men make are choosing an unappealing profile name, sounding too picky and leaving profile sections blank.

CHOOSE GOOD PHOTOS

Post four photos: a head shot, body shot and two action pics that show your personality. If you have a pic of you and your dog, slap it up there. Researchers at St Edward's University in Texas found people are rated more attractive when accompanied by a pet.

WATCH YOUR FINGERS

"Give your spelling a once-over before you hit return," says Jane Hoskyn. "A profile littered with spelling mistakes - or worse, ‘zany' spellings - make you look uneducated." And according to the University of Chicago, good education is a must-have of female internet daters.

"The same goes for profiles full of ‘subtle' sexual references or written all in caps; it's the equivalent of bellowing in her ear." That might work fine in a nightclub, but it doesn't here.

"Lose the ‘honey', ‘sweetie', ‘sugar'," advises Jodie Brittain, CEO of Aussie online dating service . "You hardly know them."

FINDING YOUR MATCH

"When looking at profiles, remember that women will only use photos that are particularly flattering," warns Elisar. "Warning signs are pouty photos, which narrow the face and hype up the cheekbones and anything that appears airbrushed or professionally taken."

To weed out potential bunny boilers, click past anyone whose profile expresses negativity, even if it's about something like a TV show or food.

FIRST CONTACT

Narrow your search results down to 15 winners, then send each a personalised note.

"Don't write generic messages. It doesn't take a genius to realised they're getting spammed," says Elisar.

"Women get more than 10 times as many responses as men on dating sites," says Heskell. "You need to stand out by showing you want to make a connection based on more than just her holiday snaps."

Email about three times a day to build up a rapport. Suggest a date after five to seven days.

THE DATE

"Make sure it's somewhere public," says Elisar. "Don't let the fact that you know her favourite ice-cream flavour blind you to the fact that she's a total stranger.

"Don't have dinner, have a coffee instead, says relationships psychologist Dr Matthew Bambling, of Queensland University of Technology, "The pressure of having to sit through a whole dinner if you realise the person is not what you imagined is not worth it, and you can go your separate ways less awkwardly after a coffee."

THE AFTERMATH

"After fake photos, a woman's biggest complaint is that her e-date doesn't contact her afterwards," says Heskell. "If there was no spark, send a polite email saying you had a great time, but you'd be better as friends."

"If you do like her, send a text of email the next day saying you had a great time and you'd like to see her again, but leave the ball in her court," says Elisar. Use the three message rule (see point 6); you want her to take up your offer, not take out a restraining order.

First date fear

2009-04-21T19:34:00.000-07:00

Take the stress out of dating with our guide to the perfect first date

Even if you consider yourself a hit with the ladies, bagging yourself some alone time with the girl of your dreams can turn even the smoothest lothario into a nervous wreck.

Taking the plunge
You've got her to agree to a bit of one-on-one time, now you need to take the initiative and set the date for your intimate tête-à-tête. "As a bloke, you should always take the lead," . "Suggest a couple of options, but listen to see if she comes up with something better." Give her the chance to choose from your picks - nobody likes a control freak, and she'll be more relaxed if she feels like she's in the driving seat.

The venue
Break the cinema-dinner-drinks cycle by putting some thought into what you want to do together. "A first date should always be fun - do something you're both going to enjoy," . "Roller blading, going to the local funfair and riding on the dodgems, a comedy night out, taking her rock climbing - be creative. The more you have to do, the less pressure there will be on the date." Exercise and laughter both result in increased dopamine levels, which also happens during sexual arousal - get her active and grinning and she'll associate all those warm fuzzy feelings with you.

First date fashion
We're not advocating spending hours trying on every piece of clothing you own, nor should you turn up looking like you've thrown on whatever was least crumpled in your laundry basket. Unless you're dining at the most credit-card-melting restaurant in town, keep it casual - as you'll make her feel more at ease. "Try to wear just one item or accessory that makes you stand out - but only one,". "Avoid at all costs those comfortable old T-shirts you've kept for years for special occasions. Leave it at home, you're probably the only one who likes it!"

Treat her like a princess
Ok, maybe not to the point where you're laying your coat on the pavement so she doesn't ruin her new shoes walking through that puddle. But a little old-fashioned courtesy can go a long way. "These days, there aren't many knights in shining armour left, so if you act like an old-fashioned gent it will almost always win you brownie points". A recent survey by Friends Reunited found 65 per cent of women were impressed by good manners on a first date - so get opening doors and pulling out chairs.

Talk the talk
You've got your outfit, venue and chair-pulling abilities sorted - but none of that is going to seal the deal unless you can talk to her without getting tongue tied. Good conversation will make her feel like you have chemistry, so make sure you have an idea of what to talk about beforehand. "The easiest way to make the conversation flows is to goldmine and listen,". "Find out what she loves, whether it's theatre, running, travel... once you hit this gold vein it can be an endless source of conversation. Just be interested, ask questions and listen!" Avoid any awkward silences by steering clear of sticky subjects such as previous relationships and favourite films - men and women often have different tastes, which can lead to conflict. The likelihood of finding someone who shares your passion for Transformers is slim, so save it for your second date.

Body language
Feeling relaxed may be easier said than done but there are a few tricks that will make you look cool as a cucumber - even if on the inside you're curled up on the floor, whimpering like a five year old. If you're feeling jittery, take a deep breath - it relaxes you, and lowers the tone of your voice making you sound more confident. "Make sure you make lots of eye contact with your date, people who make eye contact are perceived to be more confident,". Pull your stomach in, square your shoulders, lift up your chest and uncross arms and legs for more open look.

Who pays?
If you've got the hang of the ‘old-fashioned courtesy' by now, it can be tempting to insist on paying - but be wary, you could come across as controlling if you don't let her pay her way if she wants to. When the bill arrives, casually suggest that you pick up the tab- and wait for her reaction. Either way, avoid splitting the bill if you can help it. "Better safe than sorry," . "In one survey, 61 per cent of women found that sharing the bill can sour the date." If she wants to pay, let her but insist you pick up the bill on the next date.

Get ready for round two
You should be able to judge by this point if she's up for a repeat performance, so bite the bullet and ask. "The best way to ask her out again is to close the deal right there and then," . "Make sure you plan ahead and have ideas for your next date - when things are winding-up make some suggestions and get it locked in. This takes a little bit of extra effort, but saves the endless muddle of leaving messages, sending texts and coordinating diaries when you are both busy." This also removes the dreaded post-date-who-will-text-first waiting game.

Pucker up
If you're angling for a bit of lip action at the end of the date, be careful - twice as many men to women go in for a kiss at the end of a first date, so you've got a 50/50 chance of her puckering up or a slap in the face. Read her body language to weight up if the odds are stacked in your favour. "Lean straight in towards her lips, but stop about 6 inches away,". "If she turns her cheek, give her a peck. If she moves her lips towards you, go for a passionate good night kiss."

Post-date procedure
Even if you've followed step eight to the letter, there's still an art to post-date contact - too soon, and you look desperate, too long and you run the risk of becoming a hate figure for her best friends. A survey showed that nearly one in three women don't bother calling after a date as they expect the man to do it - so man up and get in touch. "You can text within 24 hours, just send something light and fun,".

"With calling, one day is too keen, three days is just right, and four days or more you are being cold and sending the message you aren't interested." The key word there is calling - research showed that those people looking for true love are more likely to call than text - 67 per cent of those looking for long-term relationships will call their date, proving it really is good to talk.

Out On A Date

2009-04-15T06:40:00.000-07:00

When's the last time you went out on a date? No, seriously.

Nobody dates anymore.

At least we don't call it dating. Instead we say, "Would you like to get together sometime?" What, to discuss stock prices?

Or more likely, we meet someone in a bar, sleep with them, then decide if you want to "date."

In the old days, a date was a date. He was supposed to call you by Wednesday to ask you out for the following Saturday. The intention was clear. The Rules - that 50s throwback guide to dating - is desperately trying to revive this tradition, but most of us can't even plan what we're going to have for lunch that day, much less a date several days in advance. What if we change our minds by then?

And today, we're terrified of stating our intentions. Call it a date and suddenly it's laden with significance and, god forbid, expectations.

Like, what exactly does "Want to go to a movie sometime?" mean? If she invites you for lunch, is it a date? Does a movie on a Saturday night mean more than a movie on Sunday night?

And with sexual politics as confusing as they are, who invites whom? Thanks to feminism, we now have equal-opportunity rejection. Just a word here about turning someone down. Be gentle. Lie if you must. Say you're seeing someone else. Saying you're really busy for the next while only prolongs the agony. And you can only be going out of town to visit an old friend so many times.

Once one of you gets up the guts to ask if maybe the other person just might, possibly, perhaps, by some wild stretch of the imagination, want to go with you, that is, if they're not busy, you then have to decide what to do on the "non-date."

By all means, keep it informal. Your nephew's Christening, for example, is not a good first-date invitation. In fact, nothing involving family is allowed. The whole thing is nerve-wracking enough.

In general, dinner first time out is tough because it forces you into conversation with someone you probably know nothing about. If you find out within the first five minutes you'd rather keep it that way, you're stuck.

A movie with drinks or coffee after is often a good bet because the movie gives you something to talk about. It can also be very revealing if you loved the movie and he thinks it stunk.

Of course, most of us these days just skip the movie and just get right to the drinks, and plenty of 'em. While getting impaired can loosen things up, it can also impair your judgment. Him puking on your shoes might not seem so "cute" the next day.

And who pays? Being such a 90s chick (or someone who usually goes out with artist types; i.e. men with no money), I usually share expenses even if he asked me out. Besides, it hardly seems fair that the guy has to go through the agony of asking me out and footing the bill. Unless he insists. I'm not that much of a 90s chick.

It's a given that, if you're paying, the person being treated is under no obligation to offer a return on your investment. Which brings us to the whole point of dating. Sex. Yeah, yeah, I know, it's not just about sex, it's about compatibility, whether the person makes you laugh, whether you think you could stand waking up beside them naked. Like I said... whether you're gonna get any or not lingers over the whole event like the garlic at the dinner you ate too much of because you had nothing to say.

And the first kiss is your foot in the door.

So during the date (that neither of you is admitting is a date) you're both looking for the green light to make a move. But since no one is admitting it's a date, neither of you gives any signals and you both go home, alone, scratching your heads, trying to figure it out what it all meant.

Now, while even the potential of getting laid will make anyone more tolerant on a date, there are things that are intolerable on a date, or whatever you care to call it.

From the obvious - checking out other men or women, for example - to the seemingly obvious but still incredibly not to a lot of people - like talking about past relationships on a first date. It's bad enough that the whole thing feels more like an audition or a job interview than a date - you know, if you meet the requirements, you may get a call-back. But no one wants to compete with the ghosts of relationships past the first time they're out with someone.

Then there's the great "I'm not looking for a relationship" line. Perfect first-date killer. Or the person who's so eager to impress, he doesn't shut up about himself. There's this thing called conversation - one person talks, the other person listens and responds and vice versa - ever heard of it?

While, inevitably, throughout the date, you will be mentally ticking off all the requirements needed to make the short list ("Let's see, funny, listens, doesn't chew with his mouth open..."), leave the pen and paper at home, along with the personal agendas. You want to avoid making your date feel like a lab rat.

Getting out of a date if it stinks is always a bit tricky. Best to have a back-up plan and cab fare home.

And please (guys, are you listening?), if things don't work out and you're not planning on calling again, don't say you will. If you feel the need to say something at that awkward moment at the end of a not-so successful date, "That was nice, thanks a lot" will do just fine. The person will get the message.

If you did have a good time, however, do call. I love it when a guy calls the next day to say they had a good time with me the night before, especially if the feeling's mutual. I figure, if you like someone, tell them. If they don't feel the same way, better to find out now before wasting any more time. Honesty - what a novel idea, eh?

But hey, if you don't say it because you're afraid they'll freak out, do you really want to be with someone like that anyway?

And the beauty of all of this is that if you survive the first non-date, you then get to figure out if you want a second non-date with the person.

Date

2009-04-07T05:29:00.000-07:00

"I've had it with men!" "What do women want?" "Why don't men get it?" "Why are all the nice ones boring?" "Why do women go out with jerks?" "Why does it have to be so complicated?" "Why can't I meet someone?" "I don't know how to date!"

Welcome to the state of dating.

Store bookshelves are overloaded with books on how to salvage your relationship or your marriage, and on how to hang on for dear life even when the whole thing is in the shitter.

Of course, all of these books assume you have a crappy relationship you want to try to hang onto in the first place. From what I can tell, plenty of us can't even get that part together.

The most frequent complaint I hear from readers is that they can't find people they want to have relationships with. And even if they do meet someone they fancy, they don't know what the hell to do about it. Women are frustrated with men, men are confused about women, divorce rates are through the roof. It's no easier if you're gay. Sharing the same anatomy doesn't make it any less confusing.

So why do we even bother? Because, despite all the frustration and confusion, deep down no one really wants to go it alone.

It'd also be nice to have someone to feed the pigeons with when the eyesight starts to go.

This means we will continue in our sometimes seemingly futile struggle to meet "the one."

And, I hate to say it, that means we have to date.

Unfortunately, dating is a bit of a lost art these days. Most of us don't even know how to date. It's like the rules have been thrown out and we aren't sure how to play anymore. As one friend told me, "I've never been much of a dater. I tend to go with the first offer and then drag it into a long, tortured relationship, and then regret like hell afterward that I didn't have the sense to get out sooner. Dating would be a really good idea. Taking it up as a new hobby at 30 is an interesting concept, eh?"

Isn't it, though? One that's worth some investigation, I think. So this summer, I'm writing a book about the state of dating.

And since the book is meant to be about what's going on out there, I'd love to hear from you. The following questions should get you started. Answer one, answer them all, or use the quiz to wrap fish. And yes, there will be prizes. More on that later.

Do you date?

How would you describe the concept of dating in this day and age? Where's the best place to meet people?

What's the best way to meet people?

Where are some of the best places to meet people? Where's the strangest place you met someone? What's your most unusual meeting experience? Have you ever been on a blind date?

Have you ever used a dating agency? How was the experience for you? Do you use or have you ever used personals or telepersonals? What was it like? Have you ever met anyone on the Internet? How do you meet people on the Internet? Have you ever had any unusual or memorable encounters on the Internet?

What's the most effective one-liner you've heard? What's the worst one-liner you've heard?

What makes a good flirt? What makes a bad flirt?

What's the best way to turn someone down? What's the worst way you've been turned down or turned someone down? What's a good first-date activity?

Where's the worst place you've been taken to on a first date? How important is what the other person wears on a date? What's the best way to dress on a first date? What do you wear on the second date, and what does it say about you? What's the worst thing anyone's ever worn on a date with you? What's appropriate first-date conversation? What's not?

What's the worst date conversation you've had?

Who should pay on a first date?

How do you feel about sex on the first date? How do you know you're going to get laid on a first date? How do you know when to make a move?

How do you feel about one-night stands?

What was your best one-night-stand experience? What was your worst?

What's the weirdest thing that's ever happened to you on a date? What's your most memorable date story - good or bad? How do you get out of a bad date?

What's the most stressful thing about dating? How has your experience of dating changed over the years? How do you handle it if you don't want to see the person again? How do you proceed when sparks fly and you want another date? How do you proceed when there's not exactly sparks but a lukewarm glow that you'd like to explore further?

How do you handle it if you don't want to see the person again? What are your thoughts on multi-dating, better known as keeping your options open and learning how to juggle?

What's the difference between a fling and dating? When does dating become a "thing?"

How do you call it quits when it's just not happening? And finally, and essentially the point of all this agony, when does dating become a "relationship"?

Seeking Out Mr. Right

2009-03-27T07:05:00.000-07:00

There is no time like the start of a new year to go out and find love, but we know it can be difficult to figure out where to look first.

Here are the List of the best places to meet your type of man—from the hunky jock to the jet-set hottie!

The hunky jock

If you like the muscular type, the best place to meet him is probably at the gym. Ask him to help you out with the exercise equipment; he’ll be more than happy to lend a hand, and you’ll be flattering his ego at the same time.

Nature lovers may already know how easy it is to strike up a conversation with guys at a ski resort, on a bike trail, or near a rock face. Most people are smiley and open to conversation in these locations. Don’t start up a conversation by mentioning the weather, but rather by asking him for tips on the trail you’re about to trek, directions to get somewhere, or by inviting him into the ski chalet for some hot chocolate.

The artsy guy

In general, the artist type may be a bit shyer than the rest. All you need is the courage to go up to him. To meet a painter, a sculptor, or a photographer, why not hang around an artist supplies shop? Tell him about your interest in art, or how you’d love to try his particular medium. Who knows, he may ask you to model for his next painting, sculpture or photo shoot!

Musicians, on the other hand, can be found in concert venues, either on stage or in the crowd. Don’t be afraid to go to concerts alone; this will show your genuine interest in the music. Here’s a trick that’s bound to work: bring him a beer! He’ll be charmed by the gesture and you’ll be able to chit chat about the band on stage and any of the other things you might have in common.

The cultivated cutie

Keep in mind that the cultivated cutie has a thirst for knowledge. This means that you’ll probably find him in a museum, a library, or a bookstore. Try to remember what seems to interest him most during lectures and expositions; if his taste resembles yours, you’ll have loads to talk about.

You can also meet him at a theater or at an independent movie screening. We know, it’s not so easy to strike up a conversation in this setting, but nothing’s keeping you from discussing the movie after it’s over.

The jet-set hottie

There are so many places you can meet the jet-set type: film premieres, trendy restaurants, not to mention clubs, bars and lounges. The jet-set hottie is usually very approachable since he goes to these places to kick back and relax. Try complimenting him on his good taste in clothes, or simply lift your glass up at him from afar. Your smile will lure him in and he’ll want to get to know you better.

The man of refined taste

The refined man is an epicurean; he likes great food and good wine. That’s why you’ll probably meet him while having supper at a common friend’s place or at a wine tasting event. If cooking is something you’re interested in, why not sign up for a class? You may find yourself whipping up a tasty recipe with a man—the man—you’ve been waiting to meet all this time!

Keep your eyes (and your attitude) open

There are loads of different places you can meet men. You simply need to venture outside of your comfort zone. Why not go to a different grocery store this week to see some new faces? When your friends invite you out for a night on the town, don’t turn them down. Who knows who your friends’ friends may be? If you’re a little shy, forget your pre-conceived notions about online dating sites and register! Dare to be bold; you may be pleasantly surprised at the results.

Multitaskers say one online dating site won't do; sign up at several sites

2009-03-11T05:43:00.000-07:00

When it comes to love, Kathleen Hanover is searching for a needle in a haystack. So to find Mr. Right, she has profiles on at least five online dating sites.

Hanover, who owns a marketing business, figured it's simple math.

"You have to have a big pool of leads to find the percentage who might feel right," said Hanover, 43, of Dayton, Ohio. "I'm looking for a very specific kind of man."

With 1,400 online dating sites, according to research firm Hitwise, many singles are finding it easy to cast a wide net, posting profiles on multiple sites in the hopes of reeling in the one.

Melissa Galt, an interior designer and motivational speaker in Atlanta, was on four sites at once and compared it to having a second full-time job. One site she used was about "quantity and not necessarily quality." Another was better suited to one-night stands.

She subscribed to eHarmony multiple times, but had no luck there and didn't fare much better at Match, where she struck out enough that the site was willing to give her six free months. Since then, Galt has gone out on two dates with someone from Match and said so far, so good.

Neither eHarmony nor Match, two of the leading online dating sites, capture information about how many of their members are on other sites. Match has 15 million active members worldwide. EHarmony has more than 20 million registered users around the world.

Markus Frind, CEO of the free dating site Plentyoffish estimates 15 per cent of the people in the United States who are active on his site are members of other, paid dating sites. About 900,000 people in the North America and the United Kingdom log on each day.

It makes sense to post profiles on more than one site, according to Mark Brooks, editor of Online Personals Watch and an Internet dating consultant.

He compares serial online dating to bar-and nightclub-hopping. Someone may go to a wine bar one night and a "Cheers" bar another night. He said people generally settle on one main site and a smaller niche site.

Jordanna Petkun, 30, a business owner in Half Moon Bay, Calif., said JDate, a site for Jewish singles, seemed to run out of potential matches. So she signed up for OKCupid, but she didn't want to cancel JDate, because "what if the right guy comes along tomorrow?"

Some relationship experts aren't so sure that signing up for multiple sites brings better luck in love.

Michael Somerville, host of the upcoming dating series "Wingman," on the Fine Living Network, wonders how people can genuinely give the time and attention to a potential match on eight different dating sites. If you really want to meet the right person online, you need to work at it, he said.

"I have seen daters who spend more time checking their dating sites than they do dating," said Nicholas Aretakis, author of "Ditching Mr. Wrong: How to End a Bad Relationship and Find Mr. Right."

Jess McCann, a dating coach and author who was once on three sites at the same time, said she was cutting and pasting generic responses to emails for a while. She had two folders: one for the men she wanted to meet and another for the ones she was so-so about. If one of the top prospects disappeared, she bumped up one from the other folder.

She has since met her match - but not online.

Tricia Dodson, 47, of Murrieta, Calif., who has been on four or more sites at the same time, said she printed out the profiles of the men she communicated with and wrote detailed notes on them, such as hobbies, career and "cute things he said."

"This isn't a fail-proof system," said Dodson, who wrote a book about dating. "At one time, I was emailing and talking to six different men via phone and there was a time or two that I got them mixed up."

So just how much is too much?

Aretakis recommends singles sign up for one general site, a second specific site and a third niche dating site. So for example, someone who is Jewish and loves to fish might be on Match, JDate, and Single Fishing Enthusiasts on the Net.

But it's better to be on one site proactively than three passively, said Nancy Slotnick, founder of the love-life management site Cablight.com. She recommends that singles log on and email 10 people a week. Of the 15 hours a week Slotnick recommends spending on finding a mate, she suggests spending no more than three hours on online dating.

After all, there is a real world out there.

Hanover has no time for that. In fact, she's so short on time that in some of her online profiles, she directs potential suitors to her personal website, www.myheroquest.com where she asks prospects to give her five first dates' worth of details about who they are and what they want in a relationship.

"I honestly don't have time or the patience for long, drawn-out, get-to-know-you chit-chat and casual dating," she writes on the home page, adding "frankly, I'd rather get some extra sleep!"

First Date Etiquette

2009-02-25T07:03:00.000-08:00

Meeting that special someone for the first time can be tricky. The way you look, behave and communicate all have a huge impact on whether your first date will yield a second. As the saying goes, you only get one chance to make a first impression! So here are a few pointers to help you make your next rendez-vous as successful as possible.

Reassess your expectations. Make sure you are being realistic- your date may very well not be the one. Regardless, that is something that will be confirmed with time, not on your first date. So until then, just focus on enjoying the ride!

Dress to impress. Like it or not, most people judge books by their covers. So make sure you look fabulous! Pick an outfit that makes you feel comfortable and confident but isn’t too revealing. Instead go for the casual, classy look. Jazz up your outfit with some accessories and killer shoes!

Pick a safe and comfortable environment. The ideal meeting placeis somewhere neutral and public. Stay away from movies or other activities that will cause you to miss out on the chance to interact with your date. Try hitting a pool hall or heading to a mini-putt range, going out for coffee is also a great setting for a first date.

Be courteous. Manners say a lot about a person. Punctuality is essential, and if you are running late, give your date a call to let him know. During the date, keep your cell phone on silent mode and answer only urgent calls. Most importantly, say “please” and “thank you”. These little gestures mean a lot; they will show your appreciation towards your date and earn you brownie points.

Keep the conversation light. Things like hobbies, travel, movies, culture, sports, etc. are all suitable topics. Stay away from personal and sensitive matters, there will be plenty of time to talk about your past relationships, family issues and political views in the future. Do your best to avoid interrupting and give him your full attention. Listen actively by asking follow-up questions, showing a genuine interest and being honest in your responses. This will help both of you feel more at ease, allowing you to shake off some of the nerves that come along with first-date territory.

Split the costs…but, offer to pay the bill if you made the invitation. Some dates will insist on picking up the entire tab. If that’s the case, don’t put up too much of a fight. Just make sure to thank them and treat them next time!

Make your intentions clear from the start and avoid playing games. If you are looking for something serious and get the same feed-back from your date, then keep the end of the date PG rated. Give yourselves the luxury of having something to look forward to!

Smile and have a good time! A date is supposed to be more fun than your last job interview. So relax and be yourself. Don’t be afraid to laugh, use your sense of humor or be a little quirky. Be proud of your uniqueness and you are guaranteed to leave your mark. The most important thing is to show your date what an amazing lady you are while having a great time!

And Remember, there are plenty fish in the sea! If you are not enjoying yourself, trust your instinct and don’t hesitate to call it a night. If your date can’t appreciate the wonderful woman you are, don’t waste your time; you are bound to find someone who does.

Online Dating Risk Factor

2009-02-17T05:33:00.000-08:00

While many businesses around the globe are experiencing some tough economic times, there seems to be at least one industry that is flourishing. In the United States last year over 500 million dollars was spent in on line dating.

That number is expected to grow like wildfire in a few more years as is the number of internet dating sites which are becoming more and more niche specific.

That in most cases is the future of internet dating. Smaller services will be just as prosperous as some of the current online mega companies without feeling the need or pressure of having to compete against these places.

What of course will be beneficial to many of these businesses large or small is the advancement in technology. Internet dating is bound to get more interactive. In all likelihood it will grow from the instant chats and webcams to pert near feeling like your cyber date is sitting in the same room with you.

But with explosive growth, it becomes more and more crucial to protect yourself in the cyber dating world. Not just fly by night companies that spring up, guarantee results and then disappear with your money but also those individuals who are not interested in anything except what they can get regardless of how it impacts anyone else.

Therefore exercise proper precaution when it comes to:

Choosing your online dating service

Should go without saying right? Except that many of us get caught up in the companies dazzling sales pitch without doing any real homework. The best way to check out an internet dating service is to ask someone who has used it.

Hopefully that person is someone you know and trust. If you cannot find anyone in your immediate circle, than go to some of the forums and see what's cooking.

People have no reservations about sharing their on line dating experience whether good, bad or indifferent. See if anyone is talking about a site you would like to join or get in and start asking questions.

Rules and Regulations

All on line dating sites have them (or should) but so few of us actually read them. The print may look boring and too small but having a clear understanding of what the company is offering can save you misunderstandings and headaches.

You could wind up having a bad experience with an on line dating service because you believed something that was not spelled out in the fine print.

Whatever dating site you are interested in joining take the extra steps to see EXACTLY what they are offering and the parameters that go with it.

Avoid Straying

You have done your homework and signed on to a dating site. You wind up meeting someone and the two of you really start having some great chats.

Now suddenly the other person has a "wonderful" idea. Why not drop the dating service contact system and start communicating more directly using your primary email address? Not a good idea. This is one of the many ways scammers work.

The whole point is to move you to a place where their activities cannot really be monitored. Then they lay it on thick when it comes to playing with your emotions as a way to manipulate you. Stay within the dating services structure and report anything suspicious.

Not only is on line dating becoming mainstream but it is also moving into territory that is more interactive and niche specific. There are a lot of opportunities to take advantage of but the more on line dating grows the more important it is to take action and ensure your dating experience becomes less risky.

Relationship Through Dating Websites

2009-02-02T05:12:00.000-08:00

If you are interested in free dating websites, you aren’t necessarily looking for a long-term commitment or a trip down the aisle. One of the primary misconceptions people have about online dating is that everyone is either looking to cheat on a spouse or looking for marriage. That’s not always the case. In fact, you can use free dating websites to find many different types of relationships.

Friendships

Sometimes even making a platonic relationship can be a challenge in the modern world, especially if you don’t have a lot of connections to other people through your job. With more and more people working in the home or through telecommuting, those job-based friendships are becoming fewer and farther between. And outside of work, there aren’t many places to make friends with other adults once you finish your education.

Thankfully, free dating websites can also help you connect with people for friendships. In fact, you might find that some of your closest online friends are people with whom there was no romantic spark but with whom you share common interests.

Casual Dating

One of the advantages of free dating websites is that you can keep things casual if you choose, especially if you don’t live too far apart from one another. There’s no reason you have to make a serious commitment to someone just because you met through free dating websites. Instead, you can make plans to go out on the weekend while also dating other people – maybe even people you’ve met through the same sites. Obviously, the big advantage to this approach is you can meet more people and test the waters to see if any of them might be good material for a more long-lasting relationship, if that’s something you want to consider for the future.

Commitment

Of course, there are people using free dating websites who are primarily looking for someone to spend the rest of their lives with. Some of these folks have been in serious relationships in the past which ended badly. Others are tired of casual dating and want something more solid. You’ll find all ages of people looking for committed relationships, too. And not all of these people want marriage necessarily. Sometimes they would just be happy to live together or to be exclusive.

Same Sex

Free dating websites have also made it easier for people of the same sex to find one another. Not knowing the sexual preference of other people can make it difficult to know who to approach with one’s feelings in the offline world but in the online sphere more people are open about what they are looking for in a partner and this can make the process easier and less threatening for both parties.

Regardless of what you are looking for in a relationship, you owe it to the other members of the free dating websites to be upfront and honest about those desires. Otherwise, you could end up sending the wrong messages to people and causing some people to get hurt unnecessarily.

Your Dating Expectation

2009-01-05T19:42:00.000-08:00

The troubles with dating today is that it is so commercialized that everyone expects so much of their date and in the end everyone gets disappointed.

The dating scene is so expectant and hoping to find love with unrealistic expectations which inevitably leads to failure. It doesn’t have to be like this however and changing your expectation of everyone else is a step in the right direction. Now there is a difference between lowering your expectation and changing it.

You can still be after the right partner but just don’t expect to find them on your first attempt or expect them to fulfill your every desire. Because we all know that this is very much unrealistic. The state of the advertising business today is much to blame for its images of the always happy couple painting a picture of endless happiness.

How are the dating agencies able to love up to everyone’s expectations of this world of endless happiness when it doesn’t exist? Even though everyone knows that there dating expectations are high they are unable to change them as they have been adopted from a young age.

Now all this misrepresentation of how the dating scene actually works creates end user dissatisfaction which hurts the industry. However all the hype is created by the industry so you could say they are hurting themselves.

This dissatisfaction comes from users signing up for free dating services only to find out that they offer a limited service where often the user can not even view the other people online. Ways that you can skip this step would be to only sign up to well rated sites.

These sites are reasonably well trusted but often do not cater for the niche market. They are a broad friend finder type service with a large client base but if you are really looking to target your search it is not recommended.

The reason I am posting this article is because I am seeing so many people unhappy with the state of the hyped up dating scene and feel society needs a reality check about what they are expecting from others. Dating sites are only there for you to meet people, from there the work becomes yours and keeping from being disappointed is up to you. It depends on your state of mind and what you are expecting of the date chosen.

Keeping an open mind about how the date will go will not only enhance the chance of success but more importantly change your perspective of how you see dating sites working for you.

Dating - Avoid These Mistakes

2008-12-22T10:29:00.000-08:00

There are 3 very common and very costly mistakes that many people make when they are putting together their free internet dating profiles to avoid.

If you are thinking about posting your profile on any one of the free internet dating websites or are in the process of doing this already, there are 3 mistakes that you really need to avoid if you are even remotely thinking about doing these things! They are: Lying, Exaggerating the Facts and Talking Yourself Down.

Do Not Lie!

This is one of the most common mistakes that people make when they put together their dating profiles. They will add facts into their profiles or leave things out that can be really important to the men and/or women who are looking at this profile. Most of the time the information added or left out is not really that important in the grand scheme of things; but whatever you are not saying might make the world of difference to the person who decides that you are the "perfect" mate for them.

Exaggerating the Facts

Something else that you might come to regret down the road is exaggerating the facts of your life when you are putting your free internet dating profile together. This can be as simple as saying that you have been in TV commercials when you really have not been or that you have been hang gliding when you are terrified of heights. While this may not seem like that big of a deal to most people, it will come back to bite you in the butt if your mate finds out that you exaggerated about this. That can be construed as lying and as a breach of trust.

Talking Yourself Down

If you think that this is not a mistake, then you seriously need to think again about this one! There is no reason whatsoever to talk or put yourself down for any reason when you are creating that dating profile. This can be as bad as outright lying on your profile and really does you no justice at all. When you talk yourself down, all you really are doing is showing others who might be interested in you that you really do not have that much confidence in yourself or who you really are. This is no good either, as you might just end up attracting someone who is a user and/or abuser this way.

Posting a False Picture

This is another mistake that people have made when setting up their profile; and the main reason that they have done this is to make themselves look better to others. Another reason that this is done is very simple: they simply do not like how they currently look or the current photos of themselves. This is another mistake that really does not do you any justice in both the short-term and the long run. If you have posted an older picture of yourself, this will cause some confusion when you two meet in person; as they will not realize that this is how you looked then, not as you do now.

Dating Etiquette

2008-12-11T11:42:00.000-08:00

Until recently, men and women’s roles of dating etiquette have been clearly defined. However, now there is some confusion between what each gender’s role is. So, here are a few rules to follow that will help simplify that confusion.

1. Being punctual is important. It looks like you are organized and responsible. If you are running late, have the courtesy to call him.

2. Not showing up for a date is immature and not acceptable behavior. If something comes up that prevents you from making the date, call him and cancel.

3. When you arrive, make sure you are well groomed. A man will be turned off if you do not comb your hair or brush your teeth. This is the stage to make a lasting impression. You want to leave with him asking for another date, right?

4. Dating should not be hard. It should be fun and enjoyable.

5. When you first see your date, compliment him. Say, “It’s really nice to see you again.” or “You look really nice.”

6. When you are on first a date, body language is probably one of the top things your date notices. Make sure you smile a lot, make eye contact, and do not play with your hair (especially if you are in a restaurant).

7. Pay attention to your date. Do not let your eyes wander. He will think that you are not interested.

8. Excessive smoking and drinking is a huge turn-off. If you are in a restaurant, limit your alcohol consumption. You do not want to get drunk, pass out at the table, or vomit on the floor.

9. Do not act arrogant or obnoxious. Also, try to stay away from discussing politics and religion.

10. Try not to act pretentious or flashy on the first date.

11. When you are on a date, do not use vulgarity.

12. Please, I cannot stress this enough. A first date is never a proper time to talk about ex-boyfriends or ex-husbands. Men do not want to hear about your last boyfriend. They are interested in hearing about you.

13. Never tell lies. If you do, it will eventually catch up with you. There is nothing more embarrassing than being caught in a lie.

14. Do not ever pretend to be single when you are on a date. This makes you look promiscuous.

15. Since we live in the twenty-first century, if you asked someone to dinner, I believe that you should have intentions to pay the bill. When the bill comes to the table, make an effort to pay it. However, if he insists on paying the bill, let him. The next time that you go out, it will be your financial responsibility.

16. Ask questions about your date. Wait until he has completed his answer before you start talking. Do not talk about money and do not monopolize the conversation.

17. I recommend that you make the first date a little shorter than usual. Remember, if things go well, you can always extend it.

18. After the date has ended, as the woman, you should only call your date once. It is rude to call twice without reciprocation. When you call or send multiple emails, you force him away. Men do not like women that are needy and clingy, especially, after the first date.

19. Be safe and not too trusting in the beginning. When you are meeting someone for a date, observe your suuroundings. You do not want any trouble, especially if you were drinking throughout the night. Again, keep alcohol to a minimum, if any at all.

I hate to say, but in dating there are unwritten laws and rules. It is a test of compatibility. We ask, “Should I go out with him? Does he like me? Was that comment out of line? When is he going to ask me to marry him?” There are no definitive answers to these questions. We just don’t know these answers; so just try to enjoy the time that you spend on each date.

Women Dating Younger Men

2008-11-24T18:40:00.000-08:00

There appears to be a trend of older women dating younger men, notably illustrated by celebrity couples including Demi Moore and Aston Kutcher, Halle Berry and Gabriel Aubry, and the most recent fling between 48-year-old Linda Hogan and 19-year-old Charlie Hill. According to a study of 50,000 women daters over 30, conducted by an online dating site in 2007, more than one-third of the subjects showed interest in men at least 5 years younger. And in 2003, an AARP survey revealed 34 percent of 3,500 women (between ages 40 and 69) dated men who are 10 or more years younger than themselves. This trend appears to be shocking to some people, but I don't find it so unusual.

Socially, there's a role reversal of sorts going on, women are more powerful now than ever before and may want men who are younger, and perhaps, more flexible; men who can handle it if the woman's career and lifestyle takes priority over their own. Media portrayals in "Sex and the City" (like movie characters Smith Jerrod and Samantha Jones) and "Desperate Housewives" are also showing women that dates don't have to be older. Women who have high-powered careers -- or a well-developed self-image -- are exercising more choice. Women who have been divorced and are established single moms may enjoy having a playmate, someone to have fun with; who doesn't try to control her.

Can these older woman/younger man relationships last?

There are many relationships succeed with this kind of older woman/younger man scenario.
The media focuses on the age difference, but what really makes or breaks the relationship is how well the couple can form a partnership that works.

Age difference is an adolescent worry: When you're a teenager, an age difference of even two or three years makes a vast difference in your experience and your outlook on life. Such a difference can interfere with communication, life goals, outlook, and relationship experience. In addition, for the young, the social reaction to such a relationship is often negative. If one partner is underage, a sexual relationship is even against the law.

But, as you get older, life experience and emotional growth help to equalize your relationship skills and resources. A 10-year or more difference in your ages makes little difference in how well you can conduct your relationship.

Don't focus on an arbitrary numbers difference in your ages. If you are getting along, you have good communication and problem solving, and you love each other, that's a precious thing, and far more important than any age difference could be. If other people have a problem with it, let it be their problem.

Whether or not a relationship is healthy is not determined by age differences, but by the interaction between the partners. A 10-year difference is not too difficult to bridge, but a 20-year differences or more in age can lead to some difficulties as the partners get older. For example, the younger partner may mature and reconsider his or her choices, or an older partner may confront aging problems much sooner. But, as long as both parties are adult, and the couple has talked about their age difference and the future possibilities, I don't make judgments about their respective ages.

Dealing with the generation gap

There are healthy and unhealthy reasons to date someone of a different generation.One
inappropriate motivation for dating a younger person is fear of aging on the older person's part. A younger partner isn't going to reverse the aging process or protect you from old age. Obviously, a man or woman who dates someone as young as his or her children is going to run into some social opposition, but the differences that can cause the biggest problems within the couple's relationship are differing maturity levels.

As more and more women choose younger partners for relationships, the question arises: Are women in their late 30s and early 40s likely to be successful with partners who are 10 to 15 years younger than themselves?

Success in these relationships depends on what the motivations of both people are. Some older people feel younger at heart than their contemporaries and like to date people who are as active as they are. Chronological age doesn't always reflect either physical capability or emotional maturity. Sometimes an age difference creates a mentoring relationship the older person advises the younger one on life or career. This can backfire if and when the younger person decides he or she has learned enough, and wants to move on.

If you're asking: "Is it OK for me to have a partner who is much older or younger than I am?" You'll do better off if you forget about your ages and concentrate on whether the relationship works for both of you, or not. What really makes a romantic relationship succeed is the emotional connection.

Tips For Dating Older Woman

2008-11-21T20:37:00.000-08:00

Men are interested in dating older women because they are more experienced and more capable of handling relationships smoothly. Older women are more mature, financially independent, and good lovers.

Younger men have been attracted to older women for a long time. This happens because older women are mature, know what expect from life, and do not care about what ‘neighbors say’. If in the past this was a big shame, today these couples are not keeping in secret anymore their relationship.

Dating older woman can be a nice and exciting experience. If you are a person interested in dating older woman, you must think before because there are good parts and bad parts.

Some of the bad parts are that she has passed over in life and has many worries. She has ex-boyfriends, husbands, children's, pending divorces, financial obligations, debts. Maybe your friends will consider you a hero, but your friends will talk about you, frown upon you. Remember that she is older than you are, has life experience, so she is often in control, and would like to manipulate you.

The good part is that she knows a lot about female- male relationships. She knows very well what she wants and from whom and they usually looking for a man that consider like them that compatibility and open communication are more important than age. They do not need a man to take care of them. Older women are forthright and honest and they will tell you right off, what she thinks about you so you do not have to wonder where you stand with her.

It is necessary that you find an older woman who is interested in a younger man. You will have bigger chances of success to win her heart .If you already have a date with her, do not blow up. Here are some helpful tips for attracting her.

Be yourself. She is dating you because she likes you; you offer her spontaneity and fun. So, do not even think about impersonating someone that you are not.

Take her somewhere she has never been before; show her that you are different from other men your age. Invite her at a jazz club, concert or an exotic restaurant.

You must change the topic of your discussions. Ask about her job, hobbies, what type of music she likes... Lady is smart, confident and mature, so do not discuss about age. You should be confident too.

Be spontaneous. Offer her something that people her age cannot, like excitement in and out of the bed. She is usually not looking for a serious relationship - she just wants to have fun. However, it is true that older women can do a lot for a younger man – besides sex.

Do not compare her to your ex. This would not make her feel better with you. The older woman can feel comfortable being with you even if you are younger and it will be at ease with your presence. Make her feel important and show her that you are interested in her.

You have to have the same intensity about life like her. You must know that an older woman will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask what you are thinking, and this should not bother to you.

Do not move too fast. You know that she is not looking to make fast a family, because she already had one and that one failed. Maybe she already has children’s and this will complicate things. You should always be willing to accept the complications that come with dating an older woman.

Still Single?

2008-11-09T09:14:00.000-08:00

Have you ever looked at your friends who have long term partners and wondered why you haven't got that in your life? Do you ever wonder when Mr. or Ms. Right will come along, and what the hold up is? Have you ever thought if perhaps, possibly, you're doing something that could be keeping them at bay?
Conventional dating and online dating in the new millennium is vastly different, thanks to the internet, however still very much similar as it has always been for singles. Take a look at some of the more common mistakes singles make when starting to date new people. Perhaps you're making some of these mistakes?

Lets assess your appearance and personal hygiene?
Take some time to get ready for your date. Clean your teeth. Refresh your breath. When you chat with your date, bad breath will surely be a turn off. SHOWER! Men, be sure to use deodorant. Ladies, don’t go overboard on the makeup or perfume. Select a pleasant looking outfit to wear and be sure it is suitable for the date. You wouldn't wear an Armani suit when on a picnic, and you wouldn't wear ug boots to the opera.
Make sure you are well mannered?

When singles are dating and trying to chat there are fewer turn-offs than a date who piles their dinner into his or her mouth, or even swears. Females who make snide remarks and chat about others during conversation is in pretty poor taste, and male singles who don't hold doors open and other basic courtesies will find themselves getting the cold shoulder at the end of the night. “Please,”, “thanks,” and “excuse me” are important phrases to employ; they show your date that you are a respectful person.

Don't chat constantly, let your date have some breathing space. Exposing your life history in day one? Nattering on regarding esoteric knowledge that may not interest him?
Everyone likes to be listened to. Your date is no exception! Whilst you may think the story of your life to be very fascinating, odds on that generally the first couple of dates, that guy probably isn’t all that interested in hearing every detail of your life in high school. That lovely little women most likely wont share your deep and enduring interest with vintage belt buckles, either. Singles should chat openly and ask and each other light hearted questions. Touch on these subjects, no problem, but don’t harp on them to the exclusion of all else, be sure that your date has ample time to talk, as well. These tips always apply whether you are dating in person, or you are in a private chat via an online dating service.

Make sure you pay attention when she is chatting to you?
“Uh huh,” “yep,” “Oh, right…” - these remarks are a death knell to the start of a friendship. This implies that you’re distracted, not giving full attention to your date’s conversation. No one enjoys being on the sidetracks of someone’s thoughts, especially when they’re dating. LISTEN to him. Make remarks that show you are giving her full attention. “Really, your boss said THAT?” “and, where DID you decide to go?”

If you met through an online dating service, do you really look like that picture you uploaded?
This is a HUGE and frequent error many singles make when using online dating and chat rooms. They upload a photo from five years or fifteen Kilograms ago, or have a studio shot done, and wonder why their date looks let down or shocked when they meet for the first date.
We all want to appear at our very best and present the best possible appearance, however uploading out-dated and unrealistic photos is not the answer. Take or find a few photos that truly represent how you look RIGHT NOW. Don’t just fob off what is actually a work of fiction as fact.

Are you posing? Acting arrogant and conceited?
If you consistently pull that large wad of currency out, chat about your amazing achievements in sport, your job, and life, or take too much time removing that pocket compact to maintain your mascara, you’re going down a wrong track. Many singles dislike a flash date. Try to be a little more modest.

Don't be TOO modest!
No one wants to reassure their date all night. “I honestly hope you think I look okay!,” “I’m such a huge clumsy galah!” and similar are NOT good conversation starters, or serious relationship starters. Show a little self-confidence, however don’t be arrogant and conceited about it. It can be a fine line, often, but not that hard to find.

Not always a good idea to focus on sex too quickly?
Sex is the best way to kill a budding romance. Guys, when you try to bed her too quickly, you're sending her the signal that all she is, is just a convenient body to be enjoyed to satisfy your desire, that you’re not really looking for a long term romance. Ladies, even in this new millennium, jumping into bed too quickly tells men that you’re heaps of fun in the sack, but not the sort of women they want to bring home and introduce to Mum and Dad.

When is the right time to go that extra step? That’s difficult to say, however certainly do not try within the first three to five dates. Allow some time to get to know your dating partner before you move onto sex. If the time is right, you will know. Those singles looking for a quickie, try your luck with adult online dating sites, or the local night club or bar.

Putting it in perspective.
With the first couple of dates, the answer is to allow time getting to know them, while giving him or her enough opportunity to realize who you are, also . Chat, listen, and be respectful. Don't forget that the person you are dating is probably just as nervous as yourself, so try to be forgiving if they make mistakes. They will probably be more likely to dismiss your little errors in return!

A first date should be light-hearted, cheerful, and enjoyable. So keep it pleasant and upbeat, you’re so much more likely to have a return date, and who knows? This first date might be the last first date and the start of something special!

Go Online for Love

2008-10-18T06:11:00.000-07:00

Where do you go when you are looking for love?

Are you considering joining an online dating site but not sure it’s for you?

Let me tell you how I first discovered online dating and why I firmly believe it fits in with our modern day lifestyles.

A couple of years ago online dating still had a stigma attached to it. Although people were using the internet as a method of dating, they did not discuss it with friends or colleagues for fear of coming across desperate.

I recall a friend of mine who was initially embarrassed to tell me she had joined an online dating site. At the time, I was rather surprised as she was an attractive girl who would be considered quite a catch. However, after chatting to her I completely understood why she had resorted to this method of dating; she was simply tired of meeting timewasters who were not interested in committing to a relationship.

Whilst she had no desire to date some of the men who contacted her, there were quite a few she was interested in and she began a dating spell to make any "singleton" jealous. She then struck up an online relationship with someone who lived 100 miles from her. After exchanging many emails and chatting on the telephone, she decided to meet him. Obviously, the distance didn’t make the relationship ideal but the spark was there and she enjoyed 6 months dating someone with similar interests, shared romantic weekends together and had a fantastic holiday. Although he didn’t turn out to be “the one”, when I asked if she regretted joining an online dating site her answer was "Definitely not!" Her view was that if she hadn’t joined an online dating site, those 6 months would have been spent moaning about meeting the same timewasters in the same old haunts and wondering "what if". She was simply being proactive in her search for love; after all life is far too short!

If you’re not convinced online dating is for you, here are reasons why I think online dating has its advantages:-

1. You don’t have to wait until the weekend to meet someone.

2. You don’t have to get dressed up for a night "online". Wear whatever you feel comfortable in at home.

3. If you work unusual hours online dating fits in with your schedule. You can log on at any time of the day to suit you; there is always someone online waiting to chat.

4. If you start chatting to someone and then decide they are not what you are looking for, put them back in the net gently and choose another. There are plenty of fish in the sea!

5. If you are tired of seeing the same old faces when you go out, there are people of all age groups all across the country waiting online to meet someone.

6. If you are new to an area online dating is a great way of meeting people whether it's for friendship or dating. If you meet a few people online in your area, you can arrange a get together for you all rather than meeting on a one-to-one basis.

7. If all of your friends have settled down or you have recently become single what better way to meet new someone quickly than to go online and meet more singles!

8. Anonymous messaging and chat rooms let you flirt to your heart’s content without any embarrassment or getting tongue-tied.

9. You will probably find out more about someone online before you arrange a date with them than you would if you had met them in a bar. Online dating usually makes people more cautious about who they choose to date and in this day and age that can’t be a bad thing!

10. We now live and date very differently to previous generations where the traditional place to meet people was in nightclubs, parties, at work or through friends. By joining an online dating site you are not excluding these avenues but simply extending your opportunities of meeting someone.

11. Finally, month’s membership costs less than a night out and gives you hundreds of opportunities to meet your perfect partner – every night!

With so many positive reasons to go online for love, finding your perfect partner has never been easier. Try it out for yourself and please let me know how you're doing.

Date A Younger Woman

2008-09-24T18:54:00.000-07:00

Why do some guys want to date women who are much younger than them? The reason behind this is because a younger woman can bring an amazing energy, vibe, and a youthful atmosphere to a man.

I know that there will be people thinking that dating a woman who is 10 years younger than you is gross. But everyone has their own opinions. There will be some women who only date guys who are 10 years older than them! Therefore, do not let other people opinions distract you.

Younger girls prefer guys who are older than them, because they will feel that guys who are older than them are more mature. The traits that attract women are most probably being found in older men, for example traits like higher status, confidence, leadership, and many more.

Let me share with you secrets when dating a younger woman:

1. Be cool. Do not act too serious. Be yourself, but shows the other side of you. Imagine that you are back to school again. Women will find that although you are mature in term of age, but you are actually fun to hang out with as you still got the “young touch”.

2. Let her come to you, do not chase her. Do make the move too early. Be laid back and play hard to get.

3. Be chivalrous. Open doors, walking on the outside of the curbs, and pulling out chairs for them will make a big impression in women. When you combine a powerful presence with chivalrous, you will make yourself very attractive to women.

4. Tease her, and make fun of her. Say all the things that you do not have the chance to say when you are a freshman. Call her on everything that she does, or says that it is immature.

5. Do not interfere or control their lives. Younger women do not like to be controlled, as they have just got away from the “claws” of their parents. Give them rooms, and let them come to you, do not force them.

Understand attraction and you are on your way to date your dream young woman.

DATING TIPS FOR LADIES

2008-09-14T21:29:00.000-07:00

1) Laugh & everyone has a laugh with You
Enjoying a good time is catchy and who doesn't love hanging around positive characters? Distribute good feelings and get prepared for creating a great first impression. Concentrate on happy thoughts and keep the conversation light hearted, uncontroversial and frothy. Feel great about yourself and you will frequently see that others will be drawn to you.

2) Transmit Transparent Cues
I apologies ladies but its the case, a large quantity of guys are famously bad at interpreting signals from women. Happy behaviors may just mean you're a friendly kinda chick. Avoid sticky circumstances by knowing what you are looking for when you behave flirtatiously and make sure your signals are obvious. If you really want to hook up with guys then by all means flirt, just make sure you know how to distinguish the sexual flirting signals from the 'hi, I'm a nice girl' flirting signals.

3) The Ice Queen; a Major Turn Off
Ensure you look friendly. Poised like an ice queen won't draw people to you and you could unconsciously be sending out keep away cues when deep down you are keen for a guy to approach you. Review which cues you are sending and if it's failing, adjust them. Why not ask friends to offer you some constructive criticism?

4) Even the Hottest Girls gets The Brush Off!
From time to time things don't work out for whatever reason. The truth is that everyone has come across rejection in one area of their life. Don't linger on negative responses, alternatively look out for compliments, internalize them and shrug off rejection.

5) Ooze Charisma
One simple rule of thumb for any ensemble is that if your mother would wear it, you shouldn't. If you look at your reflection and think, "Do I look ridiculous in this?" lets face it - you probably do.
But at the end of the day, if you feel attractive you'll come across that way too. If you feel positive and self assured then you'll emanate sexiness!

6) Let Your Body do the Talking
What is the trick behind a woman mesmerizing effect on guys? Being flirtatious with flair. We can all do it. We just need to pick up the actual tick. The up side? The ability to be flirtatious is hard wired; its about being self assured and being able to sexily be in your body. The other trick is being able to grasp body language. Us ladies may be concerned about how we communicate but the truth is it's our bodies that do most of the communicating. Communication is two thirds non-verbal. So watch what your body is revealing. Researchers claim you can enhance your ability to attract men by about 70 % if you can improve your body talk.

7) Reveal Your Sensual Glow
If you are chatting with a man you like then mirror his body communications and mode of behavior and they will sense you have something in common with them. Stand up straight and lean fractionally forward, turning your body to face his more directly, and keep physical barriers out of the way; be sure not to cross your arms like a fortress.
Critically, emanate the appearance of vitality. Appear energetic, glowing even. Imagine you have just had an amazing kiss and have a sexy aura about you.

8) Be Like Marylin Monroe
Confidence is without doubt the most appealing of all traits. have a quick chat with yourself before you go out and remind yourself you're wonderful!.
If you need a little help in the self assurance stakes, pretend till you get there for real. Discover a role model you can emulate, think Madonna or Marylin Monroe. Just think how they would behave, feel and walk. Think of what characteristics make her sexy and how she communicates these physically.

9) Listen Up Ladies
Probably the most important flirting taken is simply listening. Guys love discussing themselves. They like being the subject of conversation. Ask open-ended questions - or, questions that can't be answered by a yes or no answer. Tilt your face, look him in the eyes and nod as he speaks - make him feel like the most fascinating and funny man alive.

10) Monitor His Signals
So think you've met Mr Right? Wondering whether the stud you've had your eye on all night is also keen on you? Its time to read the signs¦
Think hes interested? Notice a few of these signs and you could well be on the money:
Looks at you
Turns his body towards you
Plays with his tie
Slight movement of the pelvis backward
Leans towards you
Smiles when he catches your eye
Holds himself in an open body stance
Ladies, get out there and put your new flirting and dating confidence to the test!

What Single Women Hate

2008-09-07T18:41:00.000-07:00

"You can't bore a woman into feeling attracted to you..."

I realize that this may sound like an obvious statement, but judging by the emails that I get week in and week out, maybe it's not as obvious as it might seem to some guys.

In fact, when I think back on my own experiences with women, I am definitely guilty of trying to bore women into feeling attracted to me...

So, what do I mean by this silly sounding statement?

Well, let's start with some ideas that I hear in one form or another all the time.

"I was a perfect gentleman on our date, but she didn't call me back, and I can't reach her..."

"I don't want to use any 'techniques' with women because I feel like that would be 'manipulating' her..."

"I want a girl who will like me for who I am..."

"I give her everything she wants, take her out, buy her things, and I don't understand why she doesn't feel the same way towards me that I feel towards her..."

"She tells me that she only likes me as a friend, then she goes out with these guys who treat her like crap instead of going out with a guy like me that would treat her wonderfully and give her everything she wants..."

And the list goes on and on...

Now, I realize that these statements are actually different from each other, and deal with different issues. But the common denominator in each of them is:

You’re not behaving in a way that is pushing her attraction buttons. In most of these cases, you’re guilty of trying to bore her into feeling attracted to you.

I got one letter recently where a guy was telling me that he had taken a girl out on a date, but that there wasn't any "spark"... but he still felt attracted to the girl. He seemed to think that just because nothing obvious was bad about the date, that this girl should also feel attracted to him. (Maybe he thought that a few more uninteresting, boring dates would cause her to open her eyes and see the light).

First date

2008-08-23T20:19:00.000-07:00

It is your first date and you have got a beautiful blonde finally. You are waiting eagerly for her to come this evening. You have a lot of things in mind to do or say.

Well, just to leave a lasting impression, keep some of the very important rules in mind. These will help you to avoid most common mistakes that guys commit.

Almost every girl on this planet will love to go to a beautiful, decent and romantic place on her first date. Try to do a little research about the good restaurants in your locality and find out a good one.

When you finally go there, follow the second rule, and that is, shut your mouth. We mean to say that give her chance to speak more and be a good listener.

Almost every girl will love to share her feelings, so when it’s time to speak, speak a little and try that she can continue the conversation.

When she is talking, smile and listen carefully to what she says. And if everything goes well, she will feel very comfortable with you.

Remember, it’s your first date. Your motive should be to let her feel comfortable when she is with you and she should find a sweet friend in you. If that happens, things will go very well. And, yes, don’t be so quite during the conversation that at the end of the day she might feel if she knew nothing about you. Share your experience too.

Never ever brag about how well you or what you have done. Remember, you have to appreciate her, not you. Finally when you come back, don’t forget to call her back and compliment her by saying that it was really nice talking to her.

Dating Ideas for Singles

2008-08-20T05:56:00.000-07:00

Traditional dating, before the internet was popular was a daunting task for singles looking to enter the singles and dating market. Before online dating emerged, asking people out on a date meant risking rejection not to mention losing some self confidence. Once upon a time knowing how and where to begin and which approach to use wasn't easy.

Plucking up the confidence to approach singles in person and asking them on a date could perhaps result in complete disappointment, not to mention the embarrassment if your mates found out, or it may result in excitement and satisfaction if they excepted the offer to go on a date with you.

Thanks to new technology online dating and chat rooms have taken away most of the scare factor singles used to have to contend with. The "online" scene has opened up many options for guys and girls across the whole world. 15 years ago the thought of chatting online to a potential date in a foreign city or country was not heard of nor was it even possible. Online dating and chat rooms have recently made this possible.

What makes this "online" dating method so great is that we can now chat to singles and also friends from any country or state as if they were right next door to us. Dating in cyber space is upon us, and it takes out the whole scare factor of worrying about rejection if your advances don't go the right way. It may also take days or months to locate someone else your attracted to and if you do the rejection from the previous effort is still ringing loudly.

There is an avalanche of online dating services now days. Singles have thousands of profiles to select from. The dating concept now becomes a numbers game, perhaps a law of averages. When you chat to a person you fancy and it doesn't move on to a romantic level, before you realize you will have forgotten them and will have shifted onto the next member.

The Online dating idea just gets better. With all the dating sites after for your membership there is also free online dating. that's right "free". Many webmasters who own the free online dating services make money from advertising on their dating websites so this really is a a win win arrangement between the dating site company and their members. Just like the non paid websites, some "free" sites have chat rooms, video cam chat and singles profile matching.

If you have not tried to meet singles this way you are without doubt limiting your options to mingle and meet members of the opposite gender, and further more, you know they are single and looking so alot of the job is done before you even make contact with other members. Dating for newbie's has never been so easy to access singles of all types.

An excellent way to start is to check out one of the general chat rooms online. You can sit back, watch and participate on the chat session when you feel comfortable. If you click with one of the other singles in the chat room, you can move on to a private "chat room" and chat privately via video cam chat and actually look at the person you are chatting to in now time.

So if this all sounds really exciting - which online dating is, remember it can all be done for free and in the convenience of your home. So get on the band wagon now to begin online dating today and meet real "singles"

Use Your Communication Skills

2008-08-16T19:30:00.000-07:00

Online Adult Dating is a blessing in disguise for the socially awkward. Those who are lacking in social skills can go right ahead and take the plunge into the online dating world. Online dating can bring out the genuine personality of a person as the main emphasis is on communication, rather than other superficial details. Chatting online helps people open up and talk freely, especially if you are a shy and introverted person. Online dating also improves and refines one's skills to commune and flirt effectively.

Communication is the number one deal-breaker in an online dating environment. Your ability to communicate effectively will translate via your personal profile and online chats. This is of paramount importance because other members predominantly judge you on your socializing skills online. They connect your virtual communication skills to real-time communication that a person needs to function. In addition, appearances take more of a back seat as far as online dating is concerned. This is primarily because people who sign up for online dating are looking to meet people based on other criteria, rather than just looks.

All you really need to enter the wondrous world of online dating is an Internet connection and an open mind. Meeting your potential life-mate is really as simple as logging onto the online dating website of your choice. With personal profiles coupled with member photographs, you can choose to dialogue with those that evoke interest in you. Online dating is an easy alternative to meeting up in clubs, bars, and lounges, particularly when you dislike such joints. In such scenarios, online dating can become your top prerogative.

Online dating is also more convenient in terms of time, location, and effort. With online dating, you can exchange lengthy conversations into the wee hours of the morning in the comfort of your bedroom. Moreover, you do not have to find the perfect outfit or get caught in rush hour traffic to meet your date. You can call the shots as to how, when, and where you want to meet online. Another plus point of online dating is that since people are on these websites around-the-clock and 24/7, there is always someone to talk to. Thus, online dating comes in handy even when your schedule dictates otherwise.

Online Dating-A world of unlimited choices

2008-08-14T05:13:00.000-07:00

Over the last decade, online dating has made great strides through the Internet medium. Nowadays, online dating has evolved to become a prevalent form of matchmaking, allowing individuals to mingle and create romantic, friendly, and other social relationships. Online dating has seen exponential growth, and has succeeded to position itself as a huge hit amid masses.

You can explore online dating websites and browse through a myriad of member profiles varying in every type of demographic one can think of. Whatever your personal background may be, the odds of running into someone similar are exceptionally high within an online dating environment. You can communicate with a variety of people contrasting in age, location, qualifications, sexual orientation, as well as interests. Based on the criteria you have constructed for yourself, you can size up potential mates. Since there are plenty of fish in the sea when online dating, you can select the profiles you are attracted to, and correspond with the other party.

In an online dating scenario, there are no barriers whatsoever! Who you choose to converse with and why you do so is entirely your call. Online dating gives you the freedom to pick and choose from innumerable options that are made available to you. Furthermore, online dating offers you with possibilities you would have otherwise never encountered. For instance, if you are a kindergarten teacher, the chances of you meeting someone from the stock market previously have probably been slim to none. Online dating changes the dynamics of such set-ups and presents you with endless prospects for you to opt from.

Once you have delved deeper into the enormous online dating databases of profiles loaded with member information and pictures, you can go ahead and start chatting. The great thing about online dating is that you can speak to someone, without revealing too much of your personal life right off the bat. It is advisable to maintain some secrecy when talking to someone through an online dating medium for the first time. You can set your own pace, and when you have seemed to strike a comfort level with the other person, you can share more personal information.

An added advantage of maintaining an anonymous online dating identity arises when other members approach you. If you are not interested in what the other party has to offer, you are free to ignore their requests. When your name and identity is unlisted, you can feel more comfortable doing so. Another scenario to consider is when you are already dating someone online, and things do not seem to work out, it becomes easier to break it off. Through an online dating system, calling it quits is less painful that it could be in person.

Art Of Dating

2008-08-09T20:27:00.001-07:00

One of the most difficult things to attain in this world is the need to have someone to call your own. In many cases you will have to kiss many frogs before you find the man of your dreams, in some cases the man of a woman's dream will remain a figment of her imagination.

You must date before you can have a chance at living happily ever after. You should not dread the prospect of going out on dates if you know how to be date-savvy.

Being date-savvy requires, first of all, a positive attitude towards dating. Don't treat dating as just another job, or a chore you have to get over with. Dating can be a pleasurable experience if you give it a chance. Even if a single date doesn't let you meet your Romeo, you could benefit from it by learning a new culture or making a new friend. Charge every dating incident to experience and before you know it, you're finally having a romantic candlelit dinner with your prince.

Before submitting a personal ad or visiting an online dating site, it's best if you know what it is that you're looking for in a date. Does height matter? Is race an issue? Would you be interested in dating someone who earns a salary which is significantly lower than yours? Be honest with yourself so that you can narrow down your choices without causing unnecessary harm or embarrassment to those concerned. This way too, you can proceed with dating more effectively and need not worry about offering lame excuses in rejecting someone. Of course, be mindful of your flaws and consider realistic choices. Edward Norton and Johnny Depp are not available.

Before your date, take the time to pamper yourself with beauty treatments. You need not go to a spa (but if you can afford it, why not?) or go through an entire makeover. A simple meditation to ease the tension building up inside you is enough to channel good vibes. Dating is also a chance for you to boost your confidence. If you have the money, by all means hit the gym, get a new outfit in a color that compliments your skin or eyes, sport a trendy hairdo or make-up. Dating, after all, is primarily a girl thing so go have the girly fun you deserve.

When you're already on your date, it's highly suggested that you try your best to be yourself. Shun the philosophy that dating is stressful - it's not. There are only two persons who are putting pressure on the entire ordeal: you and your date. Lead the way to an enjoyable night by making your date feel that you two are not out to win any contest and reap awards. You are together to take pleasure in each other's company and if all goes well, fall in love.

With these tips, you can be date-savvy and have a grand time on your next date.

Dating Tips For Guys

2008-08-09T16:41:00.000-07:00

Are you interested in how to attract women? If so, join the club. Millions of guys from one side of the world to the next are looking for the best ways to attract women. After all, who does not want to say that they have a date this weekend? The main goal of most guys is to meet a girl that they can spend time with, but if you do not know how to do this you are going to be at a major disadvantage from the start.

Luckily, there are a few tips that you can follow if you are interested in how to attract women. Of course, not all of them will suit your needs, but you should at least be able to use what you learn in one way, shape, or form.

The first thing that you should know when it comes to attracting women is that they do care what you look like. Of course, a lot of women say that they do not, but this is usually a lie to say the least. This is not to say that they want to date somebody with no personality, but all in all, the first thing that somebody sees is you!

For this reason, if you want to attract women you should put on your best appearance. This includes everything from your hair style to your clothes to your shoes. When you look good you will do two things to better your situation. First off, women will be attracted to you because they will like what you see. Additionally, when you look good you will also feel good. And this confidence can go a long way in helping you out with the ladies.

The next thing to consider when it comes to how to attract women is the way that you present yourself. For many guys, this is the hard part; not being able to look good enough. You need to make sure that you find a happy medium in between being too aggressive and not aggressive enough. Women are not going to be attracted to guys that swarm them from the start. But at the same time they want somebody who is showing that they have some confidence. Finding that happy medium can sometimes be difficult, but once you become comfortable with this you will be well on your way.

In a general sense, if you want to attract women you should be yourself. This may sound a bit cliché, but the fact of the matter is that it is true. When you act like yourself you will have a good chance of attracting women because you will feel good about who you are. And of course, you want to act like yourself so that you attract women who have similar traits and qualities. Obviously, this is very important if you want to have one date turn into two and so on.

If you are interested in how to attract women you are not alone. This is a problem that guys struggle with day in and day out, and one that does not have a set answer. To be a success when it comes to attracting women you need to know what you are doing, and how to tilt the scale in your favor.

Overall, you can learn how to attract women if you are willing to put in some time and effort. Even if you think that you are doomed to live a single life, this does not have to be the case. Take the time to learn how to attract women so that you can rev up your dating life.