Well, almost anything (bestiality and experimentation with power tools are two no-nos that spring to mind). "New ideas and information are the lifeblood to keeping a long-term sexual relationship thriving. "Ask yourself questions about what you want to do differently: do you want it dirtier, sweeter, kinkier, more passionate, more often?


Grab a pen, some paper and your partner, and each write down six things you've always dreamt of trying - straddling him in your f**k-me boots for example - and put them in a jar beside your bed. If you both write big and little thrills, you can start off dipping your toe in the water so it's not a huge leap from missionary on Wednesday night to you purring in a Catwoman suit by Saturday. "Don't rush through them, one new practice a month is usually doable for most people.

If you need inspiration, there's a $12 billion-dollar adult entertainment industry out there to inspire an ache between your thighs. Reading erotic fiction is a great shortcut to discovering what gives you a dirty mind. Next time he's on the X-box, spend an hour on wicked words to see what we mean.

And it's a myth that women aren't turned on by visual stimulation: a Stanford University, US, study found that women get massively turned on just two minutes into an erotic flick. Google "porn for women" and you'll see we want a hard-on as much as he does. When you've found something you fancy, write it on a note for the jar, suggesting you play it in the background while he does you from behind (so you can both watch the screen) or re-enact certain positions or ideas from the scene.

Saying the words

Why is it that we can express our need for him to take the garbage out but not what we really want in bed? How do you tell him you want him to dress up like a pirate of the Caribbean? According to sex educator Dr Catherine Hood, timing is everything. "Pick a time when you're both in a good mood, maybe just after you've had sex or on a Saturday morning lie-in. Use ‘I' statements, such as ‘I've always wanted to try tying you to the bed with my scarves', or ‘I would love you to tell me what you're doing to me while you're doing it (AKA talking dirty)'."

Then the focus shifts onto what you want. Using "we" also helps in subtly suggesting new things: "Why don't we have a dirty night in on Thursday? We could try reading out loud from that erotic book I bought..." If you feel nervous about how he may react to your fantasy, reframe it as a dream you had last night. Essentially what you're trying to do is open the lines of communication to find out what you're both really into.

The key to truly satisfying sex is to start asking questions about your partner's fantasies and risqué side. "One of the biggest mistakes you can make is to assume you know everything about your partner's sexuality," says Dr Hood. "I've seen couples who have been together for years and not communicated their true desires, because they're embarrassed or simply assume their partner would never want to try it." Just ask, suggests Dr Morrissey.

"Be upfront about your desires. If there's something you want to experiment with, pick a time and say it. Have an agreement not to shame or belittle each other. If your partner takes the risk of exposing a sexual desire, they are really opening themselves up to you, so treat it with respect."

Get down

You know the drill: kiss, kiss, lick, nibble, tickle, screw. Most of us have the same sex in the same bed at the same time. Fine sometimes, but for the rest of your life? Not so much. A study from the University of Chicago of more than 26,000 men and woman in 29 countries found men the world over are more satisfied with their sex lives than women.

What's going on? "Men are solution focused, they like patterns and certainty and that is the same for sex," Brett McCann from the Australian Society of Sex Educators, Researchers and Therapists explains. "Which means they're happy to stick with what they know works, especially if they know it leads to orgasm - yours and theirs."

The fact is that better sex leads to more sex, and that's good for both of you. Thigh-shaking sex doesn't just mean him spending more time pleasuring you (though that's one part we dig); you should also make the effort to find new erogenous zones on your partner: lick, suck, kiss and gently bite the inside of his biceps, his wrists, backs of his knees or his arse cheeks.

"Simply trying something new will encourage him to try something new," says McCann. It's win-win, and the chances are, if you could do with a new way to get your rocks off, he probably could too.

General practice

Aussies are having sex 106 times a year, or roughly twice a week, according to the 2006-2007 Durex Sexual Wellbeing Global Survey. And, if you're in a LTR you'll know that "roughly" is the key word here. It's OK to have ebbs and flows, but too little sex just ain't good for you.

For starters, the health benefits of doing it more often are well documented: you'll look four to seven years younger, improve your immune system, decrease your chances of cancer and heart disease, trim your waistline (burning between 630 to 2100 kilojoules per session) and decrease stress.

Plus the sensation of touch can alleviate depression. And putting it back on the agenda can also keep you from Splitsville. "When two partners are confident, adventurous and secure in themselves and each other, in and out of the bedroom, they develop a sense of deep security through trust and communication, so they feel desired and desirable," says Dr Gabrielle Morrissey, sexologist and author of Spicy Sex.

"And when you're both satisfied and happy with your sex life it means you go out into the world lovers and allies. After all, that's what keeps you both hot for each other." So don't kid yourself it's OK to drop the sex ball permanently.

Shake up the routine

There was a time when you were so hot for each other you'd skip Underbelly and do intriguing things with Mars bars. But it's like any routine: do it enough and you'll learn to use shortcuts. "Couples develop a sexual road map to what turns each other on," explains Dr Morrissey. "But sex can get boring when you make love the same way, over and over."

The good news is you don't have to flip your sexual style 180 degrees. Arndt says that even the act of writing a sex diary started up a sex discussion among the couples who participated in research for her book and that was often the thing that fixed the problem. The trick is to maintain the affection and, yes, the groping outside of the bedroom.

"Every sexual activity is as valuable as penetrative sex - foot massages, hair stroking while watching TV, brushing up against each other in the kitchen all work to fire up the libido," says Dr Morrissey.

And that also means shifting sex (and that doesn't mean just shagging) away from the bedroom, as according to Dr Morrissey, doing it in new places means your body is less likely to follow familiar routines. So if you're having early morning sex in a tent on a camping trip, getting bent over the kitchen bench, or he secretly has his hand in your undies at a dinner party, it's hard to follow set bedroom routines.

You'd think the more time you spend sleeping with the same man, the more adventurous you'd both get. But the sexual landscape of most relationships actually shrinks as comfort sets in.

According to experts, changes begin between two months and two years in - when you start seeing other sides of your partner.


By this point you've discovered his penchant for watching Babylon 5 in his Y-fronts, and he's seen how you wind up after one too many chardonnays. Neither are pretty, and both can kill sexual chemistry.

The recent controversy of sex therapist Bettina Arndt's - an exposé of the bedroom lives of 98 couples - not only backed up the idea that Aussie couples are doing it less often, but laid most of the blame at our side of the bed.

Arndt's conclusion? Women simply need to say "Yes" more often. Truth is, we'd all like ruder, tinglier, rip-my-knickers-off-right-now sex. But, as the years go by it seems less likely that it'll happen with the same man you share a mortgage with. The good news is you don't have to run off with the Kings of Leon to get your fantasy sex life. We grilled the experts on how to get wetter than Niagara Falls (again) with the guy you already love.

Once upon a time you wanted to ease his jockeys down with your teeth; now you're pegging them on the washing line. You know what they say about familiarity. According to Esther Perel, a New York couples therapist, love thrives on security, familiarity and intimacy, but carnal desire blossoms on uncertainty, insecurity, mystery, longing and absence. But how do you create lust in between bitching about your day at work?

Perel says the best time to fall in lust with your partner is when you're observing him at a distance, like when he's jogging up the beach with his surfboard, playing guitar, or being flirted with by a hot redhead at your cousin's wedding. Next time you're at a party together watch him from a distance.

Notice the way he talks to other people, the way other women warm to him, the way he glances over to make sure you're not being cornered by his creepy uncle. Or check him out while he's at soccer practice. "It's when you bring new energy back into the relationship that desire keeps flourishing," says Perel. "Introducing emotional space and excitement creates tension and leaves us feeling vulnerable, which fuels the lust."

Even when part of a couple, it may sometimes be hard to quash the flirty behaviour one used to their advantage while single. If your man has a habit of being overly-popular with the ladies, Ive got tips on helping you confront him and deal with it.

Online dating is a fast growing social networking tool that can open your world to a myriad of relationship possibilities.

Meeting someone new is challenging, especially if you have recently moved, graduated from college, or gone through a divorce. Here are quick tips appropriate for anyone trying their hand at online dating.


1. Know thyself

Are you looking to just spend some time entertaining yourself in chat rooms? Looking for someone to hang out with on the weekends? Seeking a one night stand? Trying to find Mr. or Ms. Right? Determine your goals for online dating and stick to them - otherwise you might hurt the feelings of others or find yourself scraping up the pieces of another failed relationship.

2. Use your network

Online dating sites and chat rooms are standard tools for people of all walks of life looking for love or a little fun. Ask your friends what sites have worked for them in the past. Trust the opinions of those you already know rather than choosing a service at random.

3. Start slow

There is no need to rush into taking the next step with online dating. Spend as much time in the chat room or talking on the phone as you want - make sure you're ready to meet face-to-face to create a good experience for the both of you.

4. Be totally honest

If you want a successful online dating experience, then be truthful. Don't lead people on, and show self respect by disclosing things that are honest. It can be tempting and easy to embellish online, but this does not bode well for the relationship - whether casual or serious.

5. Prioritize your preferences

Online dating can be daunting since it allows you to search through millions of potential matches. Try to limit the number of people you contact and respond to at first. If you focus on just a few people, sincere relationships can be established and nurtured.

6. Don't believe everything you see or read

If he or she sounds too good to be true, it's very possible that you're looking at a bad egg. Take your time getting to know someone. Check their story. If you have arrived to the point where personal information has been revealed, there are ways you can verify details. If a person claims they work at the local community college, you can check the phone directory for their name. Public record is a valuable resource!

7. Remember courtesy in the chat room

Just because you are in a chat room does not mean you should say everything you think or feel. Stop and consider - if this person was sitting across from you in a restaurant, would you say the same thing you just typed? If your words would be uncomfortable in person, then think of something else to say.

8. Online dating services are a good investment

It is a good idea to invest in you! There are many online dating services that charge a membership fee. Considering that people who are willing to pay for a service might be more serious about who they are and what they want - leading to better relationships.

9. Be available

Don't have access to the internet everyday? This might cause problems in the online dating world. Those who try this method of socialization like to think they'll receive quick responses. Be available, consider setting aside a specific time to spend in the chat room, and respond to emails in a timely fashion. Otherwise, you might find your potentials losing interest.

10. Protect yourself

When you've gathered your confidence and found somebody you want to meet face-to-face, remember that you don't know what to expect. Meet in a public place. Drive your own car so that you can maintain control of your environment, and leave if you feel uncomfortable. Even if the first date leads to a second, or third, keep in mind that you've only just met, and there is no need to rush.

Last year Thomas Enraght-Moony the Ceo of Match told the Times Online, "There are 93m single people in America - only 3m use online dating services." Those numbers have grown considerably since last year but not anywhere near ninety three million.


But no matter how you look at it, life is good right now for the online dating industry. By the end of this year internet dating is projected to gross over one billion dollars in revenue.

So it seems kind of strange that so many people report having no luck when it comes to meeting someone in cyberspace. There could be a myriad of reasons for this but key make or break element that can determine success is the profile photo. Sure the words you write may be beautifully written and totally heartfelt but like the old saying goes a picture is worth a thousand words.

So to increase your chances of success here are some suggestions to help with your overall internet dating strategy.

1. Dress Up

No you don't have to put on clothes that make you look like you just stepped out of some glossy fashion magazine (although it would not hurt your chances any) but don't look to be so down to earth in your approach that you come off looking slovenly. The whole point is you are trying to make a good and lasting impression so dress accordingly.

2. No Brooding

Yes it's a given that you are trying to keep it real. You have never been a phony so putting up a photo showing you with a fake smile is not your style. Besides if your online dating prospects are the "real deal" they will like and respect what they see.

Maybe they will. More than likely they won't. Unless you are a rap artist trying to sell your latest CD or a direct descendant of James Dean, go ahead and post a photo of you smiling.

You are not in a bad mood all the time are you? If so then the last thing you should be getting into is online dating. Worried about it looking insincere? Then think of some things that make you happy just before the picture is taken. It's not necessary to have all thirty two teeth showing to make a nice impression. A pleasant genuine smile can work wonders.

3. Who's Da Haps?

Okay, you're looking good. You are dressed sharply without over doing it and the smile on your face is sincere without looking like an advertisement for the American Dental Society. Now take that photo with you in your element; surrounded by some good looking people of the opposite sex.

Hold it. This is one of those common mistakes that you see over and over again when it comes to online dating photos. It's not a problem if you are on social networking sites but for internet dating it sends out a couple of messages:

- We got a player here

- If they have got it like that why are they doing online dating?

They maybe just friends or an ex but whoever they are get rid of that picture and take a new one with only you. This is not a group personal ad. If you want to show a picture of you with your favorite pet then so be it. But the only human that should be in the picture is you.

Sure online dating should be easy. After all the abundance of people you have to choose from is unmatched by anything in the offline world. But like anything in this world, to succeed you must have the right approach. Improving your online photo is one way to do just that.