The most important characteristic of good kissing -of good lovemaking in general- is gentleness and attention.

Touch your partner with your hands on the hair or face and look them in the eye. As you approach with your lips do not be too hasty, but check the response. If your partner is willing, they show it by moving their lips in your direction. When the lips touch, keep them relaxed, but not too much. Lips should be neither tight or pinched nor limp or flabby.

The touch of loving lips is an exquisite experience and should be savoured. Let your partner feel the pleasure you feel. You can close your eyes (you naturally tend to do that anyway), but it can be a pretty good idea to open them at least a little now and then.

Half open eyes show that you are enjoying the intimacy and are communicating that enjoyment. Kissing is best when you are giving as well as receiving pleasure and are both aware of that.

Initial kisses are gentle and attentive, so the pressure of your lips is at first featherlight. Repeat these kisses for a while, explore the lips with your lips and very lightly with the tip of your tongue. Feel the response of the other lips, do they open up or remain closed?

That is important for taking the next step. If the other's lips remain closed, while they still enjoy the kissing, refrain from going any further. Do not force anything, do not worm your tonue between the other's lips, do not open you mouth all wide and wet in passionate and swooning surrender.

For most of us the first sexual kiss is a great event, full of strange and exciting emotion. Many people remember when and where and how they had their first kiss. Some were six or seven, others had to wait until after their twenties. Most people have good memories of their first kiss.

Even if they felt clumsy or shy or awkward, the excitement of touching someone else's lips was enough to make them feel on top of the world.

 There are exceptions, of course. Some people remember their first kiss as being without any pleasure or thrill. Some remember having kisses forced upon them against their will. Kissing can be so clumsy and awkward that it gives pain or boredom or irritaion rather than pleasure. The expression for this phenomenon is 'Sweet sixteen and never been kissed, only slobbered over.'

So maybe quite a few young people (and some older ones as well) may benefit from a few lessons in kissing. For it remains a fact that sexual kissing is not on any curriculum. It is not taught at home or in school or in mail courses.

Kissing is supposed to come naturally and not to need any instruction or help. This is only partly true. Swimming comes naturally, too, yet we need instruction and guidance to do it well and feel confident in the water. And even if you are a natural talent, a perfect kisser, you may find that your partner is not so good at it, and can use a little instruction.

You can kiss anywhere and at any time, but experience teaches that in the beginning a quiet and safe place works best. So that may be your room, provided there is no chance of intrusion, or a secluded place in the country or by the sea.

The city, too, offers places of seclusion in the daytime, such as parks and porticos, but is mostly too crowded. After dark, the city can be a wonderful place for going out, but it is not the best environment for practising the art of kissing.

We don't recommend movies, discos, pubs, department stores, taxis, lavatories, restaurants, buses, pavements or underground trains, for the simple reason that there are too many distractions, noise, and other people. It is better not to kiss intimately in the presence of other people. It makes them feel excluded (they would like to be doing what you are doing) or embarrassed.

Masturbation means to arouse yourself sexually, usually to orgasm. Other expressions for masturbation are 'to jerk off' for males or 'to finger oneself' for females. An old and very negative term is 'self-abuse'.
Another word is onanism.

This word is derived from Onan, a character from the Old Testament who was punished by God because he 'spilled his seed on the ground'. The true reason for Onan's punishment was that he did not want to get his deceased brother's widow pregnant, something he had been ordered to do on the basis of what was customary in those days.

In nineteenth-century Europe the fear of masturbation increased and reached a high point in the early half of the twentieth century. In order to scare off adolescents it was said that masturbation resulted in self-contamination, led to tuberculosis of the spinal cord, and could cause meningitis and insanity.

On top of all that, small devices were invented that 'responsible' parents could tie around a boy's genitals to prevent 'the wickedness' to develop. Some of these devices were equipped with stings or shrewd alarm devices that would cause pain when the boy had an erection and warned the parents.

Also, the clitorises of thousands of young girls who were suspected of masturbation were removed surgically.
It comes as no surprise that all this intimidation reduced the joy of living and led to fear, guilt, and feelings of inferiority and self-contempt. That was the fate of numerous people who could not refrain from masturbation in spite of all the fearful prospects.

Of course, a majority practised it without a great deal of individual suffering: they just kept the practice secret, and felt that at least they were not as bad as the 'real' masturbators who ended up in the law courts or the psychiatrist's consultation room, and were said to be 'obsessed' or 'addicted' because they practised self abuse several times a day or used perverse stimulans like 'obscene' pictures.

Sexologists and educators of the second half of the twentieth century gradually changed the thinking about masturbation. At present the majority agree that masturbation is not harmful, but even rather a healthy sexual activity. Still, many people feel uncomfortable about the practice, do not condone it in young children, priests or married people, and see it as additional evidence in cases where someone is accused of some moral offence.

Research has shown that most people masturbate every now and then. It used to be thought that boys masturbate more often than girls, presumably because they discover their penis at a relatively early age since they pee with it. That is not true. Most people masturbate before they become twelve. This does not mean that someone who starts later is not normal.

Better known as giving head, a blowjob, licking and sucking a male's penis is one of the best liked sexual techniques, which has the great advantage that it cannot cause pregnancy, and also gives the 'giver' an active role to play in love making. Just as with ordinary kissing and with cunnilingus, it is handy to know some basics.

• It is very important to be very careful and gentle doing fellatio, and use plenty of saliva.

• The first time you perform fellatio is probably a bit scary, so prepare for that by familiarizing yourself with his body beforehand. During 'ordinary' sessions you must first feel the penis against your leg or other body part, and then learn to touch the penis with your hand. You must be able to look at it, both when it is small and when it is erected.

• Also you have some practical experience with manual stroking (masturbation) leading to orgasm and ejaculation

• Before fellatio you decide how far you will go. You must be on top. The first few times you practice fellatio it is probably wise to hold the penis, kiss it lightly, watch it grow, and play with your tongue, put your lips over the head of the penis, enclose it in your mouth for just brief moments and hold it away from your mouth when he climaxes, which is just before he ejaculates.

• In fellatio it is a good thing to keep communication going, touch and caress him, exchange signals of pleasure, ask him if you're doing it right. The most sensitive area is under the glans (head), where it is attached to the shaft of the penis with a little muscle called frenulum. Remember to keep plenty of saliva round your tongue and lips, and lick that spot for maximum effect

• Hold the penis by fellatio with your full hand, or with just your thumb and index finger encircling the base, squeezing lightly from time to time to make the penis stand up even harder and grow to maximum size.

• You can observe the excitement in him mounting by the fellatio, since his breathing goes faster, his muscles tense, he may sigh or moan, his testicles rise and the scrotum contracts against the base of the penis.

• If you put your mouth around the glans of the penis, keep your teeth away from the sensitive skin. In fellatio there should be no violent or monotonous blind movement on your part, but conscious, pleasure-giving motion with some variety, just covering the glans and coming up and then coming down all the way as far as you feel comfortable.

• Only by the time he is sufficiently aroused by the fellatio to be on the way to a climax do you continue the movement you are making, stimulating the same area persistently, but of course without causing any pain or discomfort until he reaches the climax and a second later ejaculates, so you have time to move your head aside.

• After sufficient experience with fellatio, under safe conditions, and if you like to try it, you can let him come inside your mouth. You can decide to swallow the semen or hold it in your mouth and then let it flow from your mouth onto his belly or leg. Have a tissue or handkerchief at hand to wipe it away, but it can also be rubbed over his body as part of the love session

• The taste of semen is like oyster without salt, and it's a little sticky, so keep a glass of water at hand if you want to rinse your mouth.

sCunni is Latin for the female genitals and lingus means to lick. Other terms are French tongue, eating pussy, going down on someone. Oral sex has one great advantage: it cannot make you pregnant.

Kissing a girl's gentals can also be a very exciting and satisfactory experience for both. It requires a certain skill, as in ordinary kissing, which means it should not cause irritation or be boring. It is important to use enough saliva on the tongue, to start off very gently and with a lot of sincere attention.

Slow and teasing movements of the tongue across the vagina and around the clitoris and back can be varied with tiny quick flutterings of the tip of the tongue across the clitoris.

You can let your finger play around as well, very gently and with loving care. Do not suddenly penetrate the vagina, do not become mechanical or rough. Pay attention to how she reacts, because it is an indication of how she likes it, and if she is warming up.

If she just lies there, maybe she is not enjoying it very much. Perhaps she is not ready for it, or perhaps she feels isolated. While kissing her genitals, you can still keep in touch by caressing her body, or holding her hands.

You can recognize the signs of an approaching climax, and then it is best not to change your position or technique. For her to reach the climax it is important to get the same intense stimulus for at least half a minute or so.

The clitoris becomes bigger and stiffer as it gets aroused, just like a penis. At a high level of excitement, but before the orgasm, the clitoris retreats. This is not a sign of diminishing interest, on the contrary.

Licking around the clitoris, keeping the tongue and lips very wet, and then concentrating on the same area with a regular and constant rhythm while perhaps playing around very lightly with a finger, will probably bring about her orgasm within a minute.

Normally speaking, an orgasm is very noticeable, because the girl is hot, covered in a thin layer of sweat, often shows a red flush all over her body, moves uncontrollably, moans or gives other vocal signals and then utters a deep explosive sigh as the peak of sexual pleasure washes over her.

You recognize the signs because of your experience with yourself. The orgasm consists of 5-10 contractions of the muscles of the vagina and the anus, which can clearly be felt. Some extra moisture may come out during orgasm. This is sometimes referred to as 'female ejaculation'.

Great sex without intercourse step:

Touching

Touching the breasts, or other parts that are usually covered, like the abdomen and the buttocks, is the following stage. Again it is important to be gentle and exploratory, not hasty or clumsy.

It may look exciting to see people in movies lose their head completely in a frenzy of passion, but reality is different (by the way, such movie scenes show how little moviemakers know about these things). Always be aware and enjoy what you are doing.

Giving an orgasm

Finally - and this may come after many sessions of enjoyable kissing and petting - you can give the other an orgasm (make him or her come) by touching and stimulating the genitals.

If you are agreed that you don’t need sexual intercourse yet, this is a perfect way to have wonderful sex without any worry about pregnancy or infection.

Masturbating a boy

You can make a boy come with your hand. The first time you hold a penis is very exciting, maybe a little frightening too. But remember, he is very sensitive and vulnerable, so be very gentle and careful.

Don’t start pulling the foreskin back immediately, but just hold it softly, move your fingers a little bit, look at it if you can. The penis is probably already hard and big the first time you touch it, because the boy has become aroused as a result of the kissing and caressing that you have already done.

And if the boy is very excited he takes only a very short time to have an orgasm. His semen will squirt out in three or four small gusts, so be prepared for that. It is a good idea to have some tissues or a handkerchief ready to catch the semen or wipe it away. It is very natural stuff, like the white of an egg, so if it stains clothes or sheets or upholstery, it cleans away easily with some warm water.

Masturbating a girl

You can masturbate a girl by moving your fingers very gently at first across her slit. It is probably be wet from the kissing and petting, otherwise you must wet your finger with saliva. The most sensitive spot is the girl’s clitoris and the area around it.

You must be careful about rubbing it too hard or quickly. Only when you feel that she is getting aroused, can you increase the rhythm of your stroking until she comes. Many girls find it not so easy to have an orgasm this way. They have their own particular technique when they masturbate and it is very difficult for another person to know that without asking.

You can also make her come by kissing and licking her slit. Again it is important to do this very gently at first and show that you enjoy it. She can let you know if you’re doing it right. Of course this oral sex is only safe if you know you cannot be infected.

All in all, you can have great sex without sexual intercourse. This non-penetrative sex is a wonderful way to get to know each other and talk about what you like, or discuss and solve any problem that comes along.

Finally, people with sexual problems are always advised to avoid intercourse for some time. They have to re-learn making love.

• The first stage of sexual attraction is looking at someone, noticing their general appearance (race, age, shape), and their face in particular (lips and eyes), then hearing their voice, noticing how they smile or toss their hair. Some people are attractive to almost everyone, some are the opposite. 

Most people are between these extremes, so there will be a pretty good chance - when they are young - to meet possible sexual partners. It’s sexual desire that makes us go out in search of someone to love. Let’s suppose two people have met and feel attracted to each other.

• Touching is usually the beginning of sexual excitement and intimacy. Every part of us is sensitive to touch, and the feeling we get depends very much on the relationship. If someone is a relative stranger and we are touched for the first time, our sexual excitement is very strong, stronger than when someone is familiar to us. 

The touch of a hand against a hand, the caressing of a face, the lips close to the ear, the movement of a hand over your leg, the soft tickling of a thigh or the massage of neck and shoulders, they can all be exquisite and arousing, so that the heart beats faster, and a feeling of warmth runs through us.
 

• Kissing is the next stage. Our mouths are especially sensitive and the deep kiss, where the mouth opens and the tongues can play together, is usually at the centre of petting. While we kiss, our hands hold the partner and explore their hair and face, back and front. Kissing is important. 

Do it gently and cautiously and playfully at first. Open your eyes, at least occasionally and say that you like it (if you do). Do not slobber or crush and if the other does, teach them. Don’t forget, kissing is not taught in any school and in very few homes, so most people have to go by intuition. Some really do not know how to kiss, and they have to be instructed.