For those of you who, like me, are attracted to Asian ladies, there are a few things that can help pave the rocky road to a happy and successful relationship.
As with any relationship, there are ups and downs, good times and challenging times, but these fluctuations can appear to be much more dramatic and intense with Asian girls. It can sometimes feel as if we are on a roller coaster. The ride is exhilarating, passionate and rewarding and sometimes painfully sobering.
One thing that can be said is it is not boring! In this first installment, I want to examine and point out some of my observations and experiences with the lovely ladies of Thailand and hopefully help others to navigate this exotic and treacherous path.
Ahh, the thrill and excitement of being in Thailand, the weather is hot, the food is hot, and oh my, the ladies. It has been said that Thai women are the most beautiful ladies in the world. This of course is subjective and that brings me to my first and maybe most important point about dating Thai ladies or any lady for that matter. It is all subjective, personal, and unique. There can be no absolute 'understanding' of Thai ladies. They are all individual, unique and constantly changing. We can discuss some general knowledge about the environment, culture, and common results of how these manifest in the ladies, but we must never forget for one instant that every lady is different.
This cannot be emphasized enough. The moment we start generalizing and placing any person into a box of our own conceptions is the beginning of the end. We will never be dealing directly with the other person but rather dealing only with our own limited preconceptions. While many Thai ladies have some things in common, I have found them to be quite unique individuals and I need to almost throw away everything I thought I had learned before when meeting a new girl. So please keep this in mind and it will help with all of your relationships.
The family. The first thing to understand about Thai girls is the fierce loyalty and service they give to their family. Thai girls, especially the eldest sister are bound to take care of their parents and family in any way they can. As a potential partner we must understand this deep bond and commitment. We will ALWAYS be second, and the family will be first. If we can understand and accept this, it will go a long way towards a successful relationship. To underline this loyalty and desire to repay their parents and take care of the family I like to quote a statement made by a friend of mine who works in the nightlife industry.
To put it into context, I was having a conversation and trying to convince her that she should take a job for less money working at a factory and stop working in the bars. Her reply, without a moment of hesitation was 'My body is not for me, my body is not for a man, my body is for my mother. I must do what I can to take care of my mother. This body is not mine, this body is my mothers.' When I heard this I was floored. I was new to Thailand and Asia and it left me speechless. For all the crazy media hype about girls forced into prostitution and human smuggling, my direct experience from knowing many Thai people is that the mothers are often the biggest pimps, sending their girls to Bangkok, Phuket, Pattaya or other destinations to make money.
These girls often live quite cheaply, saving every Baht so they can send it home to their mothers. Don't take my word for it, come here and interview a few ladies yourself. Anyway, getting back to the topic at hand, this is obviously an extreme example but it illuminates the depth of respect and loyalty that Thai girls have for their family, especially their parents. We can only hope to be second best. We will never be a girls number one concern. If it comes down to a decision either for you or for her family, you will lose every time! Understanding this from the beginning, we can then accept it and make the best of it. This being said, the best way of dealing with this, once you are sure you want to make a commitment to a girl, is to embrace her family 100%. This is a whole other ballgame and beyond the scope of this article, but it can be an adventure to say the least.
The second point that I feel is necessary to understand is money. Asia is not the west. We often forget this and try to apply western ideals and customs in dealing with Asian people. Now I am not talking about prostitutes, massage girls or bar girls here when I say that money is very important to Asian ladies. The so called 'good girls' are also after money. Now now, don't get excited. Remember we cannot apply our limited western preconceptions to life in Asia. The parents will want their girl to marry a man that has enough money, A man that can take care of her and the family. This is displayed in the old Thai tradition of 'Sin sot' or what we would call a dowry.
It is often used as a display of the man's ability to provide and show his wealth, or readiness to marry. I know of many cases where the sin sot was promptly returned to the man, or put into a joint account owned by the couple or where the Thai family provided either land or a house or both. Now before we get all pious, and look down upon Asians for being so materialistic and only wanting us for our money, we need to take a second and think about the average British or American girl. They also want to marry a rich man, but the way of dealing with this is not as blatant, and in my opinion not as 'honest'. Thai girls can be very practical. If we do not put our cultural blinders aside, we can be easily put off and angered by the 'honesty' displayed in this regard.
